Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

If you reacted in a different way to usual, could you be pregnant?

Sorry but I would still be uncomfortable sharing a table with you in that state & would be incredibly relieved you had a partner their actively trying to move you along or help even if they got fed up & angry in the process

Def not pregnant! Husband is ✂️

I just can’t believe the number of posts on here showing such little empathy for the OP. I can only assume people have been fortunate enough never to have felt faint in public before. This happens to me quite a lot ( nothing to do with alcohol) and it is the worst feeling. I completely understand the need not to move for fear of collapsing or throwing up. I can usually avoid those by getting my head down on the floor or a table. Yes, it is embarrassing, but unavoidable. I’m sorry you were made to feel so bad OP, and by so many of these responses.

Slightly off-topic but I think it's incredibly cheap and selfish of the bride and groom to plan weddings where guests are expected to wait around for hours with no food and only alcohol, juice or water to drink. Especially if it involves a church ceremony with the stiff formality, followed by travelling to a different venue. Some weddings we've been to only had standing cocktail tables, no food and nowhere to sit for hours until the bride and groom had finished their family photo shoots or whatever they had to do.

People's common sense seem to fly out the window when planning a day that revolves around themselves. Often the caterers offer a menu with "canapes" but calculated so tight that each guest barely gets one cherry tomato and one mini mozzarella. Luckily we had a wedding planner who was adamant that he does not allow a wedding where guests go a maximum of 2 hours without substantial food. We pushed the ceremony time back and brought the dinner time forward and also insisted on hearty snacks during the reception.

This all reminds me why I hate weddings. There is so much to endure and you have no control over when you eat and drink and everything takes ages and is tedious 😂

Justasking111 at least you got to eat before the speeches... Starving hungry guests having to listen to speeches first and boring PowerPoint presentations.

I will always remember it for being such an awful wedding which is such a shame.

Why they didn't have the buffet after the ceremony, but buffet after the dinner!

Also it reminds me of another wedding where there was a seven course meal, but it was taking almost an hour to get every course out. One guest returned home to do the washing-up and returned laughing that the next course still wasn't out!

By time food had finished there wasn't time for much else.

So was mine. We just had a baby last year at 40.

How does drinking too much on an empty stomach drop your BP? Isn't it just light headed because you're pissed?

"Alcohol intolerance - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic" https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-intolerance/symptoms-causes/syc-20369211

According to Mayo clinic it can

Prosecco is nasty stuff partly due to the bubbles speeding up feeling drunk, damage to teeth. I can't tolerate it

I think my dp would have been annoyed but well aware that it was out of character. And therefore concerned. I Would expect him to see me home (on a taxi or to hotel) and the he would rejoin the party as it is with his old time friends. He could easily have made excuses for your departure.
If you thought that you would chunder or faint if you left the table during speeches , head on table was the only option but it does look rude /bizarre and it was alcohol induced /exacerbated so should be embarrassing for both of you. However wedding days can be long with unpredictable gaps in food/refreshments. Top tip..carry snacks in your handbag or car. Your husbands comments were “off” unless you have form for similar behaviour in the company of his friends

But you are aware your getting drunk you stop and have non alcoholic

Except she wasn't drunk. She knows in retrospect she hadn't eaten enough, but she wasn't "drunk". You're talking as if she drank a whole bottle of Prosecco, or had been at the bar all day getting drunker and more obnoxious.

If you've never experienced anything like this (I had a phase of my life when I was a frequent fainter, for me it's often a kind of overheating and nearly always with food in my case, but it can happen when you've just not eaten enough), then I seriously suggest you learn a bit of empathy. It's not "attention seeking" either, for those who claim that - it's utterly embarrassing and you usually want the ground to swallow you up. It's a truly unpleasant experience, it tends to come on really suddenly, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

This.

So many with no empathy. Your husband included.

Those who are saying they would be embarrassed are as bad as her husband. She did not want to faint while trying to walk out during the speeches so quietly put her head down for a few minutes. Could he not just go off with his friends for a bit and let her have time to recover.
Why was he been such an arsehole, more worried about others than about her. A wedding is a really long day and an early start and by the time you get to eat everyone starving or the hunger goes off of you. I really hope you do not let him gaslight you on this as you did nothing wrong just unwell.

Why be embarrassed it’s hardly crime of the year? I really don’t see that OP did anything wrong.

I do genuinely wonder why this was so embarrassing to people? Even the if she had been drunk why would anyone else care?

it is a wedding surely the focus is on the bride and groom.

I agree @Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman and as I said upthread I was sat at a table at a wedding when one of the guests did this - she out of the blue had a severe migraine. No-one was embarrassed and most people at the tables around her (who were aware) tried to help her - most guests didn't notice. I think B&G were blissfully unaware. People were kind not judgemental.

@Mothership4two your experience is exactly how I imagine most people would react. Concern from those near by and everyone else not even noticing. I hope your story makes OP feel a bit better about what happened and to see she really did nothing wrong.

Honestly if my dp or a friend did that I’d be concerned they were quite unwell as they all know how to act in public. I can understand embarrassment but not the lack of sympathy or concern for your well being. It’s not on.

He should have put his hand on your back and whispered in your ear, are you okay my love?

The putting your head on the table was rude. Sitting quietly was not and it's ridiculous he expected you to perform when you weren't feeling well. I'd have said I'll sit here and you enjoy yourself or I'll go home.

OP didn't put her head on the table. She's already said, she just rested her forehead on her forearm. As a guest, if I saw that, I'd be more concerned that someone at my table was unwell than sitting there all purse-lipped judging and going "how rude". And if it was my partner, I'd be worrying about them, not having a go at them.

Ya both a bit u. You, for drinking on an empty stomach at an event thats important to him, him for being a bit of a knob about it. Agree to disagree and move on, it's hardly the issue of the century unless it's a pattern of behaviour for either of you

@jannier

How does drinking too much on an empty stomach drop your BP? Isn't it just light headed because you're pissed?
No. And if you'd read more of the thread you would have learned this. I'm amazed how many people seem unaware. It isn't even just on an empty stomach. It can happen anytime.
Contributing factors: people with lower BP as standard, viruses, exhaustion, pregnancy. It it can just happen out of the blue.