Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

Ach you did what you did. Husband was embarrassed. You feel hurt.
Let it go.

I would not have put my head down, that really does look bad. But, given his behavior when you finally did tell him, I can also see why you didn't immediately ask him to help you out of the room to go get some air and a soft place to sit. He took what was a small faux pax on your side and turned it into an entire thing for everyone to notice.
Also, I have felt this way at times in situations like this and it has almost always been air stuck in my stomach. It makes me feel ill and gives me a headache. Obviously, I can't say this is what your issue may be, but this is what it is when it happens to me. Drinking something fizzy and burping helps a ton. As does just throwing up if nothing fizzy is available,

Jesus fucking Christ on a mountain bike, the OP was not drunk and had not been drinking on an empty stomach! Are people being deliberately obtuse or just plain thick?

OP, your husband’s message to the B and G about you is pretty disloyal and quite peculiar. On top of his behaviour on the day itself, I’m finding it unpleasant and a bit suspicious, although I don’t quite know what I suspect him of! I’d be having a word.

Not really, I suffer from fainting fits and if it had been me and I'd stood up to leave I'd have hit the deck like a sack of shit.

EDIT ..Sorry @K0OLA1D I didn't realise you were sticking up for OP!

Since I've left the U.K. I have realised how odd English people are about being embarrassed about stupid stuff. If you were feeling unwell, for whatever reason OP, your partner is the odd one to feel embarrassed by you. You aren't an extension of him and for him to feel that way is actually kind of narcissistic. Unless you're a drunk or a hypochondriac who repeats this behaviour time and time again, his response was odd. You did what you did to make the least fuss, in your mind, while feeling unwell. No reason to be embarrassed at all. You weren't dancing topless on the table after getting smashed. This is English awkwardness brought on by thinking more about what other people are thinking about us (they're usually not, this is all in our own heads) than the well-being of someone we care about.

He’s always been conscious of what people think of him.

When we first started dating, he found PDAs awkward to the point of not wanting to hold my hand whilst walking round a shopping centre. I wasn’t looking for a snog…. Didn’t think a hand hold was particularly saucy…. But he said it would make people feel uncomfortable.

my response was to get a Burger King crown and wear it for the rest of the day. That got people looking 🤣 immature I know, but I found it hilarious. Remarkable that we’ve made it this far though….

If my husband was there at a friend's wedding I doubt he would even notice and if he did would get some water and tell me to sort myself out! Guess we're not the type to be a couple when socialising, we just drift off and talk to people. X

Where did 2 prosecco feature in my earlier description of fainting? 3 drinks over a couple of hours as per the first occasion or a few sips of my first pint in the second arent going to leave me - or most adults - 'trashed blind drunk'

He made it a bigger deal by fussing about. I do wonder if he was drunk so his reasoning/thoughts weren't really straight.
I don't believe you were drunk, all these people claiming you were pissed are being ridiculous. If you'd been sick, passed out on the floor or started trying to argue/fight with people then yes, you would have been embarrassing. Feeling ill and trying to keep quiet and out of the way is not embarrassing.

This!😂😂😂

You were nbu at all! Hard to believe how many insensitives are rushing to berate your perfectly understandable response to feeling very light headed. I know just how that feels and agree that to try and leave the room without a drama would have been a risk (fainting or vomiting). People are usually so caught up in the celebrations that I doubt anyone even noticed. Hope your DH develops a spine and learns to be more concerned about your wellbeing than his mates’ opinions.

I feel for you OP. Two proseccos arnt going to make anyone drunk especially with food/water.

I suffer intermittently since being young with random blackouts. Luckily I always get warning such as feeling clammy, sweating profusely, randomly I get back pain just before I start losing vision. When I have blacked out it's a few minutes then I come.round completely exhausted and weak.

I've only ever hit the deck approx 5 times but have found I need to get myself sat on a floor.

If I catch it early like you I can just sit with head between knees or resting on a table and it passes.

It's not alcohol related for me more blood pressure but it comes on and goes so quickly that despite GP and hospital intervention they havnt found a full reason.

DH was a dick for relating it to the alcohol which may not be the case.

@OneBrightCrow

If I was in that situation, I'd have quietly excused myself and gone to the loo.
I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, so usually avoid it.

At a family member's wedding {On London Eye} I'd not eaten breakfast, was on opioid painkillers, but thought it would be ok to have a glass of champagne - {I don't drink alcohol usually }

I had to drink the champagne 'fast' as one couldn't exit the London eye capsule with alcohol for some reason.

When the cold wind hit me when we got off, I felt I was flying! It felt quite unreal.

Thankfully it passed off with food.

Some people are very sensitive to alcohol , especially if they don't usually drink.

Op, I can't believe these responses. I've felt that too and I would have encouraged you to put your head in the table.

@OneBrightCrow I'm so happy I left the U.K. and have a Spanish DH who doesn't understand this weirdness. Some English people are so preoccupied with what other people think it's crazy. In Spain if you did that at the wedding people would have given you sone water and asked how you were. Nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing ruined etc. The fact that you had to think so much about the best way to behave and the fact people are chastising you for said behaviour just shows how odd English people actually...and yes, we appear that way to the rest of the world lol.

YABU. Putting your head on the table in a room full of people is really obvious and quite attention seeking, it’s would appear youre really drunk. I think quietly excusing yourself and asking him to come with you if needed is very reasonable. If I saw someone with their head on the table I would think it rude.

he sounded like he wanted to be with you and was asking you all the right questions. So YABU.

Sounds like half the story.

How excited/happy were you to go to the wedding?
Were you having a lovely time together until you became ill?

Why didn't you let him escort you from the room to somewhere quiet?

If my partner was ill to the extent of putting their head on a table, I would be extremely concerned.
He would also look a dick if her carried on, like nothing was happening, while people were raising eyebrows. You said people at the table could clearly see you were unwell.

On the other hand that doesn't excuse him from not being totally focussed on you and staying with you, if you're unwell.

There's no excuse for him, if he got arsey because he couldn't show off his wonderful partner who had just face-planted into the table.
There's also no excuse for him, if he spent the day focused on old uni friends, and didn't keep you close and make you feel special.

As a couple you both fell into a crevass at this hurdle in a relationship. And couldn't communicate or support each other.

Is he right for you? There's another 4 billion male people on the planet. The odds are high in finding someone better, kinder, more suited to you.

🍋

I was Team DH the other day, but that message to the bride was unnecessary.

This is why I always have a cooked breakfast before going to a wedding. Usually alcohol involved and you don't know what time you will be eating. He could at least have got you a glass of water.

I'm on the fence here. To be fair, once you felt like this, you were in a difficult situation, however drinking on an empty stomach was on you, and I would have been embarrassed in his situation too. Having said this, I have misjudged the food drink ratio in the past, so have a certain amount of sympathy. Thankfully not at a wedding. So in conclusion, you learned a hard lesson and he could have been kinder.

Men who behave like this are usually the ones that deep down think of you as property...an extension and reflection of them. Rather than an individual independent of them, acting behaving speaking and yes, getting ill, independent of him.

He wanted you to get away from the table because of how he felt your actions reflected on him.

Someone with ego integrity and respected that you are a autonomous human being would have quietly checked if you were ok, if you needed anything, then just let it be.

Very cynical! Was glad to be at the wedding, was having a great time chatting and enjoying some child free time.

you sound like my husband who behaved like I had an ulterior motive and wanted to be ill!

@OneBrightCrow, you really must return to GP and explain latest incident and request additional tests / specialist referral. Perhaps begin with endocrinologist?
Husband is very immature and unsupportive. Also, a jerk for email sent.