To not send my child to nursery at all?

[Nilin]

Our childcare is currently covered by DH and I both working part time, plus grandparents.
We had intended to send our DC to nursery in January 2025, at age 3, for 2-3 days a week.
We have been trying since January to find her a nursery place thinking a year's notice would be enough- we were very wrong!
A lot of nurseries reported no places until 2026, only taking full-time, etc etc.
There are about 8 nurseries within a 30 minute walking distance and they are all a no, so had to widen search to one we could drive to.
We have had just one offer us a viewing- it's hard though as obviously I feel obliged to take it as we don't have another choice! It's going to be really awkward though when we work from home and commute by public transport when we do go in, to then get her in the car to get to nursery to then drive home and then head into work.
I did want DC to be able to socialise and make friends, but I'm now wondering if there would be any harm in just continuing our current arrangement until she goes to school? We go on lots of days out but we don't really meet up with children the same age. I could make more of an effort to attend a local playgroup regularly though so she is seeing the same people. I'm just keen to do right by her really.

Thanks for the responses - I could hang about for the primary school nursery. I feel I am moaning now but it's not at the school I want her to go to and would be £500 a month for a full time place which I find hard to swallow tbh.

I am hopeful this nursery we have a viewing for is nice but makes me sad the idea of her going somewhere I'm not happy with instead of going to the farm and soft play with me enjoying her company!

We have actually recently left classes she used to do as she doesn't engage with them since turning two. She is only 2 and a quarter now. She likes to run around a lot, and wouldn't follow instructions at all at football group. She would just tell me no and start playing imaginary games with with cones being people rather than doing the activity. She's very strong willed. She is though lovely when children fall over or babies start crying and tries to comfort them and get adult attention to help.

it's really not. so many countries don't start any type of schooling until 6. Scandinavian countries particularly who are the top rated countries for early education don't start until 6 and it's not normal to go to nurseries.
It's more important for a child to stay majority of time with their primary caregiver.

I think football is hard for a 2 year old. We left as DS wasnt interested. He's 3.5 nowt and does gymnastics and swimming, both now not with parent in the room which I think is really helpful learning to follow instructions from a teacher so maybe try again with something else when she's 3? Their ability to take instruction does generally improve a lot in that year.

DS is good at making friends with other similar ages kids in the park and as starting games with them/playing together. I presume this is something he has picked up at nursery - he also now plays nicely together with the 3/4 other kids his age we see regularly as their parents are our friends. I would worry that this would be the sort of thing your daughter would miss out on which will probably be helpful socially at school? Obviously that's partly personality based anyway and I know some children will struggle socially at school who have been to nursery.

For those mentioning schools with a later school start, what do the kids do until they are 6? Surely the parents work and they are not all looked after by grandparents. Are they not in some sort of childcare setting outside the family home?

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/03/nordic-nations-best-places-for-parents-children/

In answer to the question I just asked, it looks like the Nordic countries all have very heavily subsidised universal childcare and basically all children are in nursery/kindergarten before they go to school. So it's not that children there don't attend any childcare setting before 6, they just don't go to school. I'm obviously not an expert but I don't think their systems should be used as evidence that it's not beneficial for children to attend nursery!

As far as I'm aware the batshittery on this in the UK is the early school start, the cost of private nurseries and the low pay for staff leading to those who are not that well qualified doing hard, skilled and important jobs. Not the actual system where we send 2, 3 and 4 year olds to nursery.

That sounds all a bit strange, I wonder if you are looking for nurseries or the actual pre-schools? All our local school pre-schools are free school hours, or £5 for lunch cover when staying all day. She would only be able to start in the September and you would apply from January.

If she isn't getting to see any kids, then it would be much better to look up local children activities to let her socialise a bit. Playgroups in church halls, music classes etc. I appreciate it might be that the grandparents just don't want to do that sort of thing, but at least every other week could be a compromise.

If you don’t need to then don’t. Honestly the amount of illness we all had from nursery was a nightmare. We both worked full time (me 4 days after a while) so had no choice but if you’re just doing it as there’s funding, I wouldn’t bother if local ones can’t take her. Most schools have a nursery where children go the year before reception, generally every morning or every afternoon. Not sure if you’re too late to apply for that? I assume closing date is around January time like for reception. What about local playgroups? My eldest went to one when he was 2.5, a couple of sessions a week which he enjoyed. Yes nursery helps with socialisation but it’s not compulsory. The ‘free’ childcare is making it so hard for working parents who rely on nurseries to get a place, so I wouldn’t bother

My youngest DC didn’t go to any playgroups, activities or socialising with similar age kids really as we lived abroad and it wasn’t available. We came back to the UK when he was 4 and he entered a pre school/Rec/Y1 class then. He is fine both academically and socially.

my other DC went to pre school at the nursery attached to their school, 3 hours 5 times a week, for the year before starting school.

I actually looked up schooling in Sweden the other day as follow someone who lives there and was interested at the late start. Childcare is very cheap there, but taxes are higher than the U.K., but sounds like it’s worthwhile for the subsidised childcare. I think they are almost 7 when they start there.

We have some ‘drop in’ type playgroups locally which are 2-3 hours twice a week.

Maybe have a look for something like that instead?

If you don’t have to send her to a group setting, spending all her time with adults who love her at this age is entirely fine and beneficial, ESPECIALLY if she has difficulty in groups. It isn’t ‘strange’, it’s developmentally normal. You can’t rush development. She will be socially ready when she’s ready, like she crawled or walked or talked when she was ready.

Yes I agree.

Have you looked at school preschools?

I understand the temptation not to send them, but they do benefit from the routine etc.

I agree that a church hall preschool type setting might work well for you. Reduced hours and cheaper. We did just mornings only a few times a week when they were three.

Op, there’s lots of people of both asides of going to a nursery, but as long as you socialise your child with all age groups, then they will be absolutely fine. Go back 30 years and there weren’t that many child in nurseries. Possibly more in childminders but most of us adults know how to socialise and behave.

Stop worrying, and enjoy the time with you DD.

OP please send your post to Gillian Keegan MP who is currently doing the rounds bragging about this government’s wonderful ‘free childcare’ provision. It’s dishonest.

Exactly. I didn’t go to anything pre reception - my mum tried taking me to playgroup but I screamed the place down. I’m really social and have no problems making friends / group settings.

Would you consider moving house?

I actually think it would be fine not to go to nursery, provided you make an effort to meet other families and organise regular socialising with other children.

But it sounds a very limiting set of options. What choice do you have for school? People laughing down the phone is so different from my experience of viewing nurseries (they were usually eager to bite my hand off). And one preschool seems limited too, assuming that you live somewhere urban or semi-urban (which the commuting in on public transport suggests).

Do you only talk to people your age only? Your child is socialising if they're talking to you and your family all day.

Nursery is great if there's no option to care for her within the family. Childminders offer more 121 interactions including day trips etc and create closer bonds with children. Sometimes mums may prefer nursery over childminders for this reason.

What about forest school? There's loads for under 5s run by national trust etc.

Go with the primary school nursery. £500 a month isn't much in this sphere (painfully!) and you're saving literally tens of thousands in the years between birth and preschool by using family childcare.

A stepping stone between home and primary school is vital imo. Don't worry at all about the academics, but going from home/grandparents (even with playgroups) to being one kid in a room of 30 with one or two adults you don't even know would be hard. I think every child in my eldest's DC's class had at least been to preschool and even at that the couple with SAHMs were the ones to take longest to adjust to school. They got there of course and they're lovely kids doing well but I was very glad when my little nursery kid ran off with her nursery friends without a backward glance! School expects quite a lot of them socially (and nothing academically) and if they've at least been to preschool they'll be ready for that.

My friend’s son didn’t do any nursery and settled in to school totally fine. They did loads of clubs though, something every day.

Maybe find some buddies her age (Facebook local parenting group - sounds like there must be other parents having the same problem?) and create a standing weekly park trip or something? Also in the preschool year make sure you work on school readiness.

It just means they pick everything up at school instead. My youngest missed a lot of nursery because of covid.
I spoke to school LO is off, has spots, not sure what it is. They replied Chicken Pox the P1s wiped out with it!

Yep. You can't escape the illnesses, just kicking the can down the road.

You could put your name down on the waiting list for the close ones as the waiting lists can be shorter than they say -some people are on multiple lists and some move out of the area etc

This is totally wrong. The starting school age bit is correct. But in Sweden and Denmark the vast majority (over 80%) go to excellent state run nurseries full time from between 8-14 months. Day ends at 3:30, for parents and kids alike.

I too would go with the primary school nursery.

Personally I think you’re setting your DC up to finding school very overwhelming when they aren’t used to the structure, socialising with so many children and spending time with unfamiliar adults. I’d make the effort for a couple of days a week even if it’s a pain.