To not send my child to nursery at all?

[Nilin]

Our childcare is currently covered by DH and I both working part time, plus grandparents.
We had intended to send our DC to nursery in January 2025, at age 3, for 2-3 days a week.
We have been trying since January to find her a nursery place thinking a year's notice would be enough- we were very wrong!
A lot of nurseries reported no places until 2026, only taking full-time, etc etc.
There are about 8 nurseries within a 30 minute walking distance and they are all a no, so had to widen search to one we could drive to.
We have had just one offer us a viewing- it's hard though as obviously I feel obliged to take it as we don't have another choice! It's going to be really awkward though when we work from home and commute by public transport when we do go in, to then get her in the car to get to nursery to then drive home and then head into work.
I did want DC to be able to socialise and make friends, but I'm now wondering if there would be any harm in just continuing our current arrangement until she goes to school? We go on lots of days out but we don't really meet up with children the same age. I could make more of an effort to attend a local playgroup regularly though so she is seeing the same people. I'm just keen to do right by her really.

My brother is older than me, 53 and did playschool from 2 or 3, so early 1970s

I goggled last night what I can't find is when did the Playschool movement start in the UK.

My mum attended council nursery in the early 1950s. When did those nurseries close and when did Playschools open?

I very much doubt you went more than once or twice a week? The emergence of kids going every day from a young age is nothing to do with “socialisation” and everything to do with rising costs and the governments wanting everyone working and paying tax.

I’m 40 and went to school nursery every morning from age 3, after going to playgroups etc from 2. My mum didn’t work but it was perfectly normal to start school nursery then.

My preschool years were the early 1990s and it was playgroup in the church hall at 2 then school nursery at 3. No idea how many days a week playgroup was but school nursery was every day. It’s hardly a new phenomenon.

There is no need if you do lots of activities and messy play.
In the old days as in 50s children were very different naps for 2 hours up to 4. Children didnt start school until 5 and what they learned was very different to now. Discipline was different they sat down at desks from day one and play didn't involve the range of toys and gadgets you have now. If you didn't share etc there were consequences by the 70s school nursery was every day but age 4 and they still had naps.
So your child still needs to learn to be around others and to share it doesn't have to be in nursery or childcare but it does need to happen....we have lots of children struggling now due to missing this in lockdown

This. I’m 34 and DH is 40, both went to nursery.

https://www.earlyyears.wales/en/potted-history

I went to playgroup in the 1970s.

Before Covid in my local area virtually every Church ran them one day per week for under 5s. They separated them out into mainly under 2s and under 5s with sometimes under 1s as well. (Some of the Churches also have church schools but none of them have an attached nursery class. ) This meant my DD could attend one every day of the week at a different church. I used to take her to one 500 yards away when she was under one, while my DP took her to a different one on a different day less than a mile away until she started nursery.

Since Covid most have shut down so there are about 3 left. They are targeted at families lower incomed families on behalf of the council.

The problem is there aren't really any playgroups now. Toddler groups are mainly younger toddlers up to age 2 or 2.5, then they go to nursery. I second a dance class or similar to get used to being left and follow instructions. Being looked after by different family members is also really good for a child's confidence and adaptability. It would be ideal to arrange some interaction with similar aged children but they can just be family or friends kids.

Academically if you read to your child and talk to them, take them to visit places etc, they will be fine, there's no need to learn letters before starting school.

I don't think nursery is always advantageous - a lot of nurseries are badly run and children can get bullied or ignored.

Do what is easiest for you. Once school starts you will be beholden (by law) to someone else’s rules. My eldest DD went to pre school 3hours 3xs a week (term only). She loved it but I remember the staff saying how social she was as most children just do their own thing and aren’t really very social until much older. She was always happy to come home too.
She loved state nursery and school. Had no settling in problems. Other children from her pre school struggled going and struggled again in nursery/ school. Some children just don’t like change or being in a big group.
Honestly Reception year is the settling in year… I wouldn’t worry about socialisation or learning to reading (other than you reading to DC every day) they will catch up very quickly.

Look at pre-schools. Many Montessori pre-schools in my area offer mornings, or alternate mornings. There are a few other pre-schools too that do 2, 3 or 5 day/part day options. It's what I've chosen for my youngest as we don't need 5 day/week full time yet.

I think you need to make an effort to be around other children and families if you are going to skip pre-school programs all together. What about a weekend pre-school ballet class, or a weekday morning gymnastics program for 2-3 year olds? I'd try to have a weekly play date or drop in too.

Children don't need nursery, but they do need other opportunities to be with peers and I'd want my dc to have teachers/instructors/leaders that aren't me/family before the HUGE transition of reception.

We weren't impressed with local nursery provision on any level and kept up full social and early years education ourselves. DD was scads ahead when she started school and teachers were very pos about her social skills. You can absolutely do it but it is exhausting, be warned.

I didn’t send either of my DDs to nursery. I was a sahm and took them to lots of groups. Stay and play. Swimming classes. Gymnastics. They made friends there. Children don’t really socialise much before school … it’s more a case of parallel playing.

Nursery is good to have if it suits you all. I made a hug effort moving my "final" child from the nursery where I worked (college, so on site and subsidised) to one local to where we live, rather more expensive and more difficult to manage with work, but where I thought she'd get to know other children who would then also be going on to the local primary school. Wrong! Only one other child from nursery went to the same school - a year after mine started there! Effort wasted, and child absolutely fine with not knowing anyone!

Just make sure you take your child to other places where they can be "socialised". Gym, Ballet, Mum's groups....

Jan 2025 is 8 months away. Keep contacting them regularly . All it takes is for someone to pull their kid out with a month notice. Something will come up nearer the time

We’re very much in the same position with our 3yr old.. she’s supposed to be able to have 10 hours of early education a week.. she’s only receiving 6hrs a week so far.. because the playgroup have said there isn’t any more spaces for her.. we’ve had to try and find spaces in other nurseries but all the waiting lists for around here (north wales) is at least over a year.. we went to view one closer to our home not long ago and they said there was no availability..

the system is absolutely shocking.. how the government expect people to work full time when there isn’t the actual space for childcare is a problem that needs resolving. I do around 35hrs a week but have to rely on family to actually be able to go to work.. we wanted full time childcare so not to rely on family but constantly get told there’s no space and our daughter isn’t even receiving the amount of hours she should be eligible for..

something seriously needs addressing with nurseries/childcare providers (it’s not there fault.. it’s because the government isn’t helping with the extortionate costs it comes to running a nursery).

Enjoy having her at home. It’s goes so quickly. You will
do her no harm at all. You your DH and her grandparents are the most important people - she’ll make lots of friends at school. Be happy x

Definitely just carry on as you are. There really is no need for a child to be away from family unnecessarily.

Sorry I don't know if this is mentioned already but I'd look into the primary school that you want your child to attend and see if there is a "feeder" nursery or nursery attached. Mine went to the nursery attached to his primary school, not full time because I didn't actually need it for childcare. It was really beneficial for him imo.

Check your what your local library offers at weekends - lots of playgroups

It may be parallel play at 2 (say), but my youngest won't be going to school until she's 5y 2m. She's 3y 9m now and has been actively playing with her older sister and nursery friends for ages. Eldest made an actual friend at 18 months at nursery. I was very sceptical but the room lead said no, it was an actual friendship and that it does happen at that age although typically they're older.

Obviously the 3yo could be playing with others at playgroups etc and at home with her sister, but it's definitely not just parallel play.

Our kid never went to a nursery. We didn't like the baby provision in the local nurseries so didn't want to use a nursery when I went back to work, when he was 9 months. Because of my work being madly disorganised about my working patterns, by the age of 3 he'd spent time with 3 childminders because of changes in my working days. In the September aged 3.5 when he would have joined school nursery, he'd had a continuous stretch of 1 day with one childminder (who he kept going to until he was 9), and 2 days with another (who he kept going to until he was 7.5). We didn't want to give him a move to school nursery, especially as going to a school's nursery doesn't guarantee a school place there, so he might have had to move again at 4.5. (Also he would need 3 days a week wrap around care which might have been another setting!) He was fine settling into school, no problems. My only thing would be does your kid play without you nearby? Have you any friends he could go on play dates with? Does anyone babysit him? I don't think not going to nursery is a problem at all, but maybe if there has literally ALWAYS been you, his dad, or a trusted grandparent looking after him, that could be harder.

They definitely do make friends before school. Even the 20 month old is saying names and runs in looking for them. They moved from playing alongside to playing with each other before 3 and have clear preferences of who they want to play with. Before 4 they want to be with their friends and adults don't cut it. Formal classes like gym and swimming don't give the same opportunities to play or socialise let alone encourage imagination or the benefits of messy play they are much too structured to be the main activities for preschoolers.

Just an update

Went to visit the nursery- lovely but also turns out they don't have places after all! We would go on a waiting list.

We decided against school nursery as it's not the school she would go to - not in catchment- so seems unfair to get her settled there and then move her. The school she will go to doesn't have a nursery.

The not for profit playgroup is actually changing to be a private nursery! They will give us a show around and allow us to join their waiting list.

No luck with anywhere else.

There were lots of comments when this was shared on Facebook saying 'just' send her here or there and there's no 'just' about it! It looks unlikely she will be going from 3, hopefully some provision will come up for the September before she starts school.

Visited the playgroup- not good and not happy to leave my DD there.

No other places anywhere.

We are on the waiting list for one which reckons they'll have a place September 2025 but if that doesn't come to fruition she won't be going to nursery 🤷‍♀️

She did in the last week resist a toy being snatched off her but then once she got it passed it to the child telling them 'we are sharing!'
So she's not doing too bad!

My DS is 3.5 year old and has never been in childcare. He spends 5 hours with his GPs one day a week and the rest of the time I take him to various activities. We do attend a weekly playgroup though as well as swimming lessons and gymnastics on a weekly basis. I think it benefits my DS to form friendships with some of the children. I also meet with two friends from my NCT group with their children so that my DS gets some one on one time with a couple of friends that are his age, we do one to one meets around 6 or 7 times a month.

This routine has worked well for us but I appreciate that others might find this sort of routine boring - it's definitely not with a 6MO in tow 😅.

I'm currently looking for a pre-school for DS for Sep 2025 but I'm not worried if we don't find a decent one, he just won't go. If he does, it'll be for approx. 12 - 15 hours a week. The only reason I'm thinking of sending him is to make the transition into full time education easier.

If you can't find something suitable then it isn't the end of the world.