Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

I have a DSS (9) and a DD (1) neither of which are allowed to stand up and mess around at a table in a restaurant. As a waitress in a previous job it was very irritating when children would climb on the furniture as we would worry they would fall then the parents would be annoyed at us for some reason. The family behind were probably being polite. If you don’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore then end the relationship he will probably be relieved. When I started dating my husband my DSS was quite naughty so I pointed it out to him, he agreed and changed his behaviour and started to set boundaries with his son who is generally really well behaved now. If he had disagreed I’d have left as I wouldn’t have been able to live with my DSS behaviour. Coming from a split family he agreed he’d been a bit too relaxed with discipline, he just couldn’t see it. Your BF shouldn’t have grabbed your son and that’s a boundary you also need to set. But the relationship is doomed if you can’t communicate.

No it wouldn't give me the ick, what would give me the ick is my partner letting a child stand up on a seat in a pub or restaurant. Do you not realise that people have to sit on seats after your child has been standing on them, even if it was for just a 'few seconds' and it's a family friendly place

That's not it at all. Small DC will get up from their seat, but you tell them to sit back down. Or if they're very small bring them for a walk around with you so you can be sure they're not getting in anyone's way.

Teaching small DC how to behave involves lots of hard work, lots of corrections and directions and occasionally you need to physically move them because when they're this little they naturally don't do as they're told all the time.

It's tiring and monotonous but that's parenting.

He is not your child's parent and given that you have only been with him for a year it is really not his business to be intervening while you are there. I know the kind of place you mean and if your child was only three his behaviour sounds okay. I wonder if the people telling you it was inappropriate have actually had children. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship with him.

In my experience parents who constantly correct their young children don't usually end up with the best behaved children. Better to concentrate on important things and let the small things slide when they are very young.

Thank god he isn't the dad. Dump him. It won't get any better.

I'd suggest you part ways as your ideas on parenting and what is socially acceptable in public are way off and will only result in further future conflicts. Allowing your child to stand on a seat is not acceptable IMO. Your bf was clearly embarrassed, (I would be) however, him telling your kid off is also unacceptable. He should have said to you that you needed to deal with it, but as you don't think it was an issue at all, he is most likely as icked out by you as you are by him.

This.

I never allowed mine to run around or stand on chairs in restaurants - or look at phones/iPads while eating - and they're now well-behaved teenagers who are great company to take out for a meal. I'm proud of their good manners. HTH.

For those saying the partner shouldn't discipline the kid, when are they allowed to? 11 months into the relationship? 12.5? When they move in? When they become dh? Can other mums discipline a child on a playdate etc?

A friend of mine had a very turbulent relationship with a girlfriend, largely because their parenting styles were very different and he was often aghast at the way her children behaved in public. She thought he was too strict, he thought she was too soft. I'm not sure relationships can work if you both have such different parenting styles.

The dp here may not have wanted others in the restaurant to think that he was a shit parent who couldn't control his kid, as people may have assumed he was the dad.

This.

Although he shouldn’t have sworn. Did he ask you beforehand to get them to sit down?

I doubt he was manhandling them as such, as has been said. How much manhandling can you do from across a table? I suspect he just put a restraining hand across on one of the child’s sit down moments.

I did.

I do get what you mean though- it's the endless 'jacinta, stop that. Jacinta, put that down. Jacinta, let go' but without any actual authority behind it that means kids just see it as white noise and learn to ignore.

Why are you allowing a short-term boyfriend to play daddy to your very small child?

Surely you know the risks here, and I don’t just mean spilled drinks.

I would have been so embarrassed sitting with you with your son bobbing up and down like that and I also don’t want to sit on a seat which has had shoes all over it.

Yes your relationship should end as your boyfriend has different parenting standards from you.

Yes I love the way it has become one three second period of waving now!

YABU

I wouldn’t wanna sit on a seat in a restaurant that someone has stood on - their shoes could have all sorts of muck on them including dog shit

Just because it is child friendly does not mean you let children stand on the furniture, they could have dog poop on their shoes for all you know and then someone has to sit on that chair, also the risk to the child's safety if the child fell off the chair, it's not acceptable just because it say's child friendly.

I don't mean that I let them stand in every restaurant as that wouldn't be safe but in the type of place OP describes I wouldn't be bothered. If it is safe and the seat is wiped afterwards (which it would usually need to be anyway) I don't see the problem.
My children were also very well behaved teenagers and are now well behaved adults HTH.

Other people's kids will always be disliked, at best ignored or downright hated by your new partners, be they male or female. Nobody is interested in other people's children. Nobody, apart from their biological parents will have their best interests at heart

Wow. I'd better tell my brother that. He's been dad to his step daughters since they were 6 and 8, and is now grandad and about to be great grandad. He is devoted to them all, would do anything for them, and he and his wife see them as every bit as much his, as if they were biologically so.

There are some sick people on this board.

Same. It takes effort. It is much easier to let kids run riot and be ‘creative’ or ‘children’ or whatever euphemism people use to excuse poor parenting. But being boundaried, loving and firm is hard work but does pay off in the end.

Three is not a tiny baby and is old enough to teach good behaviour. It is disrespectful to other diners and staff to allow kids fo stand on chairs. And I never wanted another kid to wave at me for my whole meal three seconds. However wonderfully cute their parents thought they were.

You clearly don't like the way your boyfriend interacts with your child, so you should end the relationship.

However, your child absolutely shouldn't have been standing on a seat in a restaurant. Your boyfriend shouldn't have lost his temper in the way that he did, but standing on a chair in a restaurant isn't OK. Other people shouldn't have to sit on a chair that your toddler's grubby shoes have been stomping all over.

Yes, I think if children are constantly told off for small things they become less bothered about being told off.

In what sense? As in why did he do it, or what part of his behaviour was manhandling?

He grabbed her child. Totally unacceptable.

it's not acceptable just because it say's child friendly

They ought to change their marketing to "well behaved child friendly"
like my local has with their dog friendly policy after a couple of scary dog incidents.

Not that I'm comparing children and dogs, not at all. I object to that on dog threads. Just the concept is similar. Just because they're welcome doesn't mean they get a free ticket to be disruptive.

@Amybelle88 where does it say he bragged her child?
He reached over the table-he could have held the toddlers hand to turn him around, he could have gently had a hand on his shoulder to guide him back into his seat. Why the alarmist posts assuming the worst?