Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

A bit if a faux pas on his part parenting your child. However, he got a bit irritated and accidentally knocked à drink over. Unless he's going to be irritable with your child all the time, it isn't necessarily à deal breaker. Perhaps he's not used to children?

What a shit thread. Practically nobody answered the OPs question in the first post, in their haste to judge and be the first to give her a kicking. You know who you are, you petty judgemental lot.

There are very few self respecting, non abusive men in relationships with single mums for this reason.

It's one thing putting up with naughty brat like behaviour in a busy restaurant when the child is your flesh and blood, another thing altogether when the child is not.

It's no surprise to me that the OP's boyfriend is hardly a prince amongst men.

The OP's choice in men is obviously very poor and that doesn't bode well.

I agree with this. It's as if people think that children's feet aren't dirty while they wouldn't dream (I hope) of putting their own feet on a public seat. Your partner however was a bit out of order pushing him down and spilling the drink but a child should not be standing on chairs however "family friendly" the place is.

The Ick? Get this man away from your children.

Can you not put your kids first and stop inflicting your boyfriend on them?

Is it in their best interests to be made to be around him? For him to have to be repeatedly told to not chastise them?

And the thread is about whether you should still fancy the man or not?

Please ditch your boyfriend. This behaviour towards your son is not OK.

This is why I refuse to entertain men with kids. I won’t let myself get into that situation where I’m being asked to share my free time with said kids but then being told i can’t get involved when they start putting their dirty shoes on a seat. And most of all I don’t want to make a child feel as if they’re an irritant or unwanted.

I wish more people were self-aware enough to realise they don’t have the patience for other people kids. We would have less kids Traumatised by step-parents who tolerate them at best.

"Could you explain what exactly is so damaging and unacceptable about a toddler standing up, waving at another toddler in a family restaurant?"

Ill give it a bash, But if you have too ask i do not believe your are willing to listen or have empathy for others.

Not everyone has a family when they got to a "family restaurant". Not everyone wants there meal disrupted by other families. Not everyone one wants to sit on a seat that has been stood on with shoe's. Some parents do actually attempt to teach there kids decorum at the dinner table.

I am sure that should be enough reasons for it not to happen.

i personally do not want dogs scrounging food /wandering around or sitting on seats when i am at a "dog friendly pub"

Its called having standards and being thoughtful of others.

You’re sending your kid mixed signals by letting him stand in chairs in some places and not in others. It doesn’t matter if other parents are letting theirs, seats are for sitting not standing and the transfer of god knows what from your kids feet
to someone else’s clothes needs to be thought about. Just maybe think a bit more next time and have a conversation with your DP about his reaction and yours, you might find you’re at opposite ends of the scale but maybe not

You all behaved badly
Child shouldnt be standing on chairs
BF shouldnt be trying to parent your child
You SHOULD be parenting your child and you shouldnt allow any man to touch him or shout at him

You're in a restaurant you're child shouldn't be standing up on the furniture, other people have to sit on it. If you're staying with your partner you're either a family or your not, you were not correcting your sons behaviour so you're partner did, this is how children end up learning not to behave in restaurants because the parents don't teach them how too.

We are expected to judge the BF?. Think the OP's original question was answered in many posts.

The BF and the OP defiantly have different parenting standards.

You don’t let a 3 year old stand on a chair at a restaurant surely? You parent him and show him that’s unacceptable behaviour. If you let him do it then he won’t ever learn?
I’d be embarrassed that my partner felt the need to try to parent my child in public when I wasn’t.

Have you thought perhaps if mum had chastised the child then her partner would not have had too and then they would not be in this position.

Just wanted to add, I didn't mean to imply that I think it's some massive deal the kid stood up, and that it makes her a shit parent.

But equally I can see why the fella reached out to get the kid to sit down, as he may have thought there was a risk that the kid would fall, or that it just might disturb others or something (albeit it's a child friendly restaurant - but he didn't storm out in horror and anguish and disbelief - he just reached out to ait the child down then swore when he spilt a drink).

Nobody is massively in the wrong from what I can see.

This. It's vile.

People falling over themselves to try and make the op feel like a bad parent when really a 3 year old being a 3 year old in a family friendly place is not the issue here. Sadly very common, people do it to feel superior about their own parenting.

The worst of MN.

This isn’t about the rights and wrongs of a toddler standing on a chair (which I’d have absolutely no problem with). It’s about your partners behaviour towards your child. You are clearly uncomfortable with this, you’ve spoken to him about it before you’re instincts are telling you to end this relationship

Bin him off in no uncertain terms. Keep yourself and more importantly your children safe. Trust me he’ll only get more authoritarian if you continue with this relationship

I agree that children need to be taught table manners from a very young age. He shouldn’t have been allowed to stand up looking at the other family. How would OP know that the other family didn’t mind? I certainly would have!

Don’t be ridiculous. Mixed messages?

life is all about teaching your kids to behave as they’re expected to do in different places.

run around and throw themselves all over cushions?

at home - probably not
at soft play? Fill your boots
at grandmas ? Absolutely not.

nursery teaches them inside voices and outside voices.

my son was an absolute angel whenever I took him out, I know I was lucky. He’d sit for hours at a wedding people watching and grazing as a not quite 2 yo. He’d sit beautifully at a posh Hotel restaurant and of course we didn’t have iPads then, they weren’t invented until he was like 5yo. He’d run around like a loon in soft play.

Part of our job as parents is to show our children different situations and teach them how to behave in all of them.

op says that he’s not like this in other restaurants, and this one is designed to be accommodating to toddlers, their interaction is encouraged while there.

this is ALL about the boyf over reaching when he’s been asked not to.

a lot of you need to read the op better and also learn to read between the lines

It takes a village to raise a child.

This mantra is used on mumsnet primarily when talking about wanting other people to help out with childcare.

This situation is closer to what it actually means. For there to be other people around to look after the child's safety, but also where necessary to admonish unwanted behaviour, usually when the parent is not actually around to do so.

In this case the parent was around but didn't seem to be doing much in the way of parenting. It's not surprising her partner was frustrated and possibly embarrassed. If he was rough with the child then that's not ok but that doesn't sound like what happened. He was on the other side of a table.

If this has given OP the ick then I imagine it's going to happen over and over.
3 is old enough to learn boundaries about eating in a restaurant, family friendly or otherwise. Standing on seats is unacceptable. It's tiresome for other diners.
Nobody dare say anything because it taking a village to raise a child has lost its real meaning.

Out of interest, and a bit off topic - if children are never taught to sit down and be quiet and use indoor voices in public places and learn what is suitable behaviour for the environment, how do they ever graduate to the 'Michelin starred' restaurants? It's always said on here in these situations ' it's not like it's a fancy restaurant...' but why should it matter how fancy the establishment?

It's not like a hormone just kicks in when they're 8 or so. If you don't work with your kids on some level of biddable behaviour then their ability to understand when certain behaviours are required is compromised.

Anyway - as you were. If he's given you the ick you should get rid.

Errrr , hello , the only question she asked was would it give you the ick regarding what happened. In which case it’s been answered numerous times and with many crucifing said partner and judgement like poison.

She didn’t need to. This is a place where kids are allowed to behave like this and are in fact encouraged to do so. Other people there clearly know the deal too.

if you don’t like places like this, you don’t go.

FFS, the lengths people will go to bash a single mum.

I would be annoyed about this too.

He's your boyfriend of a year. It's not his place to try to discipline your child. And if he was annoyed about being an environment where kids were being kids, it sounds as though he was in the wrong restaurant.

I would also be very unimpressed by him saying "for fuck's sake" in front of my toddler. Because you can teach your toddler to sit nicely on a chair, but you can't make them unlearn the word "fuck", which he might now repeat at inopportune moments.