Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

For those saying the partner shouldn't discipline the kid, when are they allowed to? 11 months into the relationship? 12.5? When they move in? When they become dh? Can other mums discipline a child on a playdate etc?

Exactly. Tying the hands of a year long partner just enables the kids to play the adults off against each other. And by the time that the partner is 'allowed' to get involved, the children have already established that s/he has no authority, so are unlikely to take a blind bit of notice.

Obviously there are levels of degree, but I think that any well known adult eating out with a friend/relative/partner can calmly encourage (with a touch) that their child sit down.

Obviously there are levels of degree, but I think that any well known adult eating out with a friend/relative/partner can calmly encourage (with a touch) that their child sit down

Exactly. It takes a village.

This is exactly why i think managers/owners should deal with anti-social behaviour in commercial establishments.

This is not encouraged, it costs companies money and customers. It is just turned a blind eye to because it causes all kinds of grief to put corrective measures in to deal with it.

"single mum" status is not a get out of jail free card. i would say after a year they are a couple anyway.

Further more think you will find OP would have been bashed never mind there status or "labeling"

Keep your relationship with your boyfriend separate from your DC next time.

I'm all for picking battles, but standing in seats is the kind of thing to nip in the bud IME so you don't need to change the behaviour when they're older. Telling them no a few times when they're 2 or 3 usually means you're done. Also reduces rows over a younger sibling being allowed so things an older one isn't.

Obviously all DC are different and have different temperaments but we went on holiday last summer and our young children sat through three short meals a day with no screens or noisy toys because they know what's expected.

In my experience parents who constantly correct their young children don't usually end up with the best behaved children. Better to concentrate on important things and let the small things slide when they are very young.

Sorry to disappoint, but I am exactly like the parent the poster you quoted described. DS(16) was, and still is, polite, well mannered and well behaved.

In my view you’re both in the wrong. Him for the obvious. You for allowing your child to continue standing up and being annoying ( whether the people behind you complained or not).

He shouldn’t have been standing. Seats are for bottoms not for feet

Probably sums it up. I don't mind kids in restaurants, I don't mind listening to Peppa Pig or kids being loud. I do object to my clothes being stained by kids standing on seats. That's not even considering that if the child falls they will get hurt, I guess some people don't care about that.

Let the ick continue. Leave him.

Where do you see the word grabbed ? Because it’s not written in the post . Actually op goes on to say in her drip feeds that the standing up waving , sitting down eating , standing up waving etc went for only 3 seconds and then he sat down so the partner had no reason to react then if child was sitting after 3 seconds . Something does not add up in this story .

YABU to allow your child to stand on a chair in a restaurant and distract another child who is trying to eat. I’d be very annoyed if a toddler was distracting my child whilst we were trying to eat a meal out and the parent was doing absolutely nothing to try stop it. I don’t want my nice meal out with my children interrupted by others children who’s parents evidently don’t care about correct table manners. Your partner shouldn’t have grabbed the kid but at least he was attempting to parent it even if he didn’t go the right way about it.

The most confusing this about this thread is how people can read the word booth and then refer to chair. They're different modes of seating?

You seem to have different ideas of what is reasonable behaviour from a young child. Asking a child to sit down in a restaurant is reasonable to me and if you have to ask several times, that is not a good thing.

A booth has seats in it, albeit soft ones. When I read the word booth I read that it has soft seating. Chairs are different as they either have arm rests or not. Both booths and chairs have areas for seating though, not standing up on.

Mmm, no, I do the parenting, not some random boyfriend. And no, I wouldn´t take kindly to what happened. But then I would have told my daughter to sit down to eat and that other kid needs to eat his food too.

@AlpineMuesli

neither are meant to be stood on

Luckily it’s easy to understand that no one should be standing on either of them.

And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault?

I wouldn't be with a man who swore like that in front of my children. Raise your standards.

Doesn't matter whether it's a booth seat or a chair. I don't want to sit where the OP's child's feet have been. To say it would be wiped afterwards is naive. Unless it's visibly dirty with food and drink, the table clearing staff will not bother.

I went into a pub the other day which had a big notice up saying that all children not sitting down must be accompanied at all times by an adult so maybe hospitality owners have finally started to have had enough.

Alarmist is an absolute reach.

He reached across the to sit the child down and said for fucks sake.

I’ve never known anyone to gently have a hand on a child’s shoulder in tandem, say for fucks sake - have you? The OP states that he reached across the table to sit him down. No gentle hand holding here.

Furthermore, if this were the case, I doubt the OP would have made the post in the first place.

Sorry for alarming you 🚨

think you are being ott. Sounds like your partner just got stressed about your child not sitting down in a restaurant, which I can understand, we have different tolerance levels. I hate it when my kids don't sit still eating out, my partner doesn't care so much. Sounds like he knocked the drink over by accident then swore because it was more frustrating.

I don't know why you are being so ott about it. Just let it go.

Is it though?

He wasn't "calming eating his food". He was standing on a seat that other people will want to use after him, disturbing another family's meal (however much they pretended not to be bothered - no one wants random kids eyeballing them and waving for their entire meal).
Maybe your partner thought he needed to step in and parent said child because you didn't care?
3yos need to know better that you don't stand on seats at restaurants. That's not appropriate behaviour.

You shouldn't allow your kid to stand on a chair in a restaurant. It's not OK just because he is young, BUT it's your responsibility to parent. Grabbing a child like that to enforce your wishes wouldn't be a great look on you, never mind him!

He shouldn't be swearing around a toddler, either.

Bin him off, OP. He's not going to be a good SD to your child and he doesn't respect your parenting (or your child, clearly).