Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

Do him a favour , dump him .

1. It’s not his job but…
2. Your child should not be standing in a chair in a restaurant. If he can’t sit, he’s too young to go.

Urgh - do you have, or even remember what it is like to have a three year old? I’m sure if you did they were using the full set of cutlery and were tucking in their own napkins 😂!

That toddler has just as much right to be at a restaurant as everyone else. So does his family. You can’t shelter children from life experiences because they might - oh my lord god forbid - act like a child for a second!!!

Please stop shaming parents!

Yeah I had two. I taught them how to behave. I didn’t take them to places they were not old enough for.Just to add, you don’t stand on chairs that people will later be sitting on. That’s pretty basic. Toddlers can stand on laps if need be.

Run a mile. Protect your child.

That toddler has just as much right to be at a restaurant as everyone else. So does his family. You can’t shelter children from life experiences because they might - oh my lord god forbid - act like a child for a second!!!

Please stop shaming parents!

MN is a whole new world at times.

Shaming parents?

You mean pointing out that even toddlers have to learn how to behave in a cafe.

You think it's okay for a child to stand on a seat/bench seat to eat?

Do you also think it's fine for children to stand on seats in trains?
For teens to put their dirty shoes on seats in trains? (in full view of their parents)?
Or is it their 'right' to do that?

It's idiotic talking about the' rights' of a toddler! What about the rights of everyone else there who doesn't want to see a toddler climbing on the seats?

Just different ways of parenting. And this would be the basis of you ending it, because as your ds gets older, parenting styles are just going to get even more different. I appreciate he isn’t the parent, but if you all live together, he’s going to have to do some parenting.

Yes, protect your child from someone who is trying to help them to behave.

If the OP has an issue with her boyfriend intervening that's the real issue.

He did nothing wrong.

I'd not be surprised if the other diners were giving the family 'looks' that the OP didn't see but her partner did.

Why didn't she tell her son to sit down?
Does he stand on seats at home to eat a buffet?

Boyfriend and clearly some of the people on this thread clearly don’t have kids or understand children aren’t going to sit perfectly in a restraunt for the entire duration, they need some grace.

your boyfriend sounds clueless and I’m not surprised you don’t feel any attraction towards him since.

Thd shoes on the seat are no big deal. The seat would have to be wiped anyway.

Are you a mum to a young child? Doesn’t sound like it?

He is 3…….. 3 YEARS OLD!!! Get a grip!!

He will learn in time - don’t worry, your precious train seats are safe from harm!!

In the mean time, have some empathy for the people who are trying to teach little innocent babies how to act in the wider community.

Also - he is 3!!! Maybe you shouldn’t eat in restaurants if you cant tolerate families or other people? Just a suggestion

Listen to your gut instinct OP and ignore the crazy replies.

I'd be mortified if my 3 year old thought it was appropriate behaviour in a restaurent to stand on the chairs and bother another family. This is why people don't like having kids in public places because of parents like you not actually parenting their children.

Your boyfriend sounds like he didn't handle the situation well and I wouldn't let anyone put their hands on my kid so I'd bin him as well but absolutley understand that he was probably really embarrassed. 3 is way too old to be behaving like that. Did he have shoes on the seats? Do you generally allow children with food in their mouths to stand up and mess around, are you not concerned about choking? Are you not worried that you are teaching him this is appropriate and at some point you'll end up with an older child who doesn't know how to behave at restaurants?

This has happened to our family before where another kid has been distracting my children, making us feel uncomfortable etc at a restaurent and we have never said anything but that doesn't mean we weren't annoyed by it and this family potentially were as well.

If you feel like this about having a baby with him, break the relationship off, it is not a good idea to get him involved in your child's life.

You are getting good gut instincts here. It's not just an "ick" it's a protective instinct and it's absolutely right. I am not saying he's an abuser, but you have very different approaches and that will either lead to him overstepping boundaries where he is trying to get involved with the disciplining of your children, which you don't want, or he'll be resentful as he sees you not disciplining things that he would like to, which will lead to arguments between you. If the relationship gets closer then he's going to get more involved with your children but have this distanced/semi hostile approach - imagine when your kids are teenagers, if he is still around acting all huffy and wanting to be respected as the alpha male kind of thing. They will butt heads. All teenagers butt heads with their parents, step or natural. Is he going to respond with some kind of aggression? Make the teens feel unwelcome in their own home? Now that's a major ick for me.

His mum thinks you should have a baby together but you've only been together a year and you have concerns about his parenting approach. It's not a good fit.

If you break up, and he's heavily involved in your toddler's life it will be very, very hard on your children. You need to be so careful, distanced and boundaried when dating with kids unless you're totally sure this is going the long haul. If you don't see that happening, then it's kinder to either break things off as soon as you get that sense, or at the very least keep some significant distance between him and your children so they don't develop a close relationship. If that has already happened it might be an idea to cool things off a bit more slowly before you decide how to proceed.

Have you LTB?

Toddlers standing on chairs to wave at people is not cute or endearing. Why do we have a generation of parents who can’t instil basic manners in children??

Every child in our family knew how to sit at a table to eat without standing on furniture at that age. A colouring book can be helpful. Also, people don’t find your child cute or entertaining waving at them incessantly when they want to eat. They are probably too polite to say anything.

Takes a village to raise a child.

Wether or not the toddler should have been stood on a seat in between mouthfuls of food and waving to another toddler is beside the point. The parent should be sorting him out, if need be, not a man who isn’t his dad who has only know the child’s mother for a year. And certainly not grabbing at him or swearing in front of him. I’d re think this relationship.

The OP knows very well that her relationship can't and won't continue, surely. It's what she came to seek confirmation of and 90% of responses agree, whether or not they also disagree with her parenting.

Also his mother has zero business telling you you should have a baby with him.

No, he won't learn in time. Parenting is not about being the most popular cool friend/ parent but about guiding and setting boundaries. Children who grow up with 'they will learn' kind of parents are not liked by other children.
Also, letting your child into the world without any toolkit regarding social norms is very unfair, you are basically leaving your child alone to figure it out by themselves and it becomes a source of frustration to become a source of resentment later in in life.

How's that observation relevant to this scenario?

It’s not his place to tell your kid off.

Id not want to go near him either.

Youre very different in terms of discipline. If you had a kid together it would be non stop rows about how to do things.

Sounds like he doesn’t have kids. Otherwise he’d be a bit kinder.

It was a buffet so they were getting up for food - 3 year old was not expected to sit still for hours.

Regardless. Feet on seats like that is inappropriate. I'm still laughing at how many posters think that serving staff in a busy restraunte WIPE THE SEATS 🤣

Talking to someone in the food queue etc is not then an invite for them to interrupt your meal. What if you saw someone you knew and they then pulled their chairs up to your table or kept leaning over to join in the conversation? You'd get rather annoyed wouldn't you?

It also changes a bit between DS kept waving between bites of food to a child who wasn't necessarily responding and DS waving back once in response to a child waving.

And the other parents might well have been trying to encourage her to eat "Oh sweetie, it's nice your friend is there but you need to focus on your food now ok? You can speak to him after you've finished" but DS was continuing to distract her from her food

Unsurprisingly not everyone finds it adorable for kids to keep up their repetitive behaviour....

Regardless though

OP if you know you shouldn't have a baby with him because of the difference in parenting styles then you shouldn't be with him anyway as you already have children...