Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

It sounds like the cafe is a lovely relaxed child friendly place where children can be comfortable and interact with each other.

Ignore the sudden influx of 'children should be seen and not heard' Victorians on your thread.

The problem is that here is a damaged man with no parenting skills who has taken up with a woman with two toddlers who aren't his and has zero patience with them.

This all seems a bit rushed. Were you actively looking for a replacement father figure for them? This isn't the one.

His impatience and quickness to blame you are the tip of the iceberg. It's going to get worse.

Seems the best thing to do is step away from men for a while and focus on your children.

Yep! That’s the ick!

kid wasn’t screaming-yay! Partner blames kid for him knocking shut over - giant red flag!

totally get why you’re no longer attracted to them.

In your op you did say he was standing calmly eating, which does imply it was for an extended period of time, and you didn’t say that you had asked him not to. You clarified this later on that it was brief and you had intervened. But I can see where people got the wrong end of the stick from your op.

Teach your child how to behave. I appreciate he's only small but uou hzvd to start thfm young.

This obviously didn't happen with your boyfriend so send him back to his mother so he can learn not to act like a prick in public.

I agree with this x

I haven't rtft but I really hope the majority of people haven't been horrible because it is easy to see where you are coming from. He should not have touched your little boy and, as some others have already said, for me that would be a reason for binning him. Your child is allowed to be a child, just like all the other kids in that restaurant.

That's not for mummy's boyfriend to instill boundaries in a way he did or at all.

That's not for mummy's boyfriend to instill boundaries in a way he did or at all

And why not?

Mummy wasn't being a responsible parent.
So he played the adult and stepped in.

He simply reached across the table, presumably to take the child's arm, or encourage him to sit down.

I would be very embarrassed if a boyfriend had to intervene when I was ignoring bad behaviour.

No way would I describe my feelings as 'Having the ick' .

I'd think 'OMG I should have done something first!'

He was probably embarrassed and more socially aware than the OP appears.

OP you're saying it was minor incident, but how could it have been if you took to social media to sense-check your feelings?

Your posts suggest you think you were right and your boyfriend was wrong.

So why ask other people?

What I'm learning from mumsnet is mums really hate small kids behaving like.. small kids.
Children should be seen and not heard am I right.
Also don't forget all the non neurotypical children who display much more disruptive behaviour, just ban them from public places. 😂

So, if the parent can't be bothered to intervene, the child can misbehave as much as she/he wants with no consideration for anyone else.

The shit-parenting mantra.

If he is "socially aware", he should be embarrassed by his own actions rather than those of OP or her 3 year old. He was the one knocking over drinks and swearing.

@cutiepatootie23

it wasn't for 3 seconds 😶🙄🙄

he was standing on the seating eating and waving. He 3, old enough to know that's not how you behave in a restaurant & certainly old enough to sit down when he's reminded.

You might think it's ok for a 3 year old to stand on seating in a restaurant, standing eating & waving. Clearly we have different standards but I wouldn't stand for it, if the child was with me.

in a 'rough way' stop embellishing, he reached across the table, (oh so violent - all that teaching 🙄) and accidentally knocked over a drink.

whether it's up to him to 'discipline' ( why use that word, he wasn't disciplining him, he was getting him to sit down
in the restaurant. ) depends what role he's playing in the child's life.

& let's face it, the mother wasn't attempting to get him to sit down. He's 3.

Someone who thinks it is their job to guide their children and not their friends or complete strangers is not a "shit parent" . If you think your friends can't be bothered to intervene no matter what their children do, why are you friends with them?

Fair enough.

but I didn't say she was a shit patent either.

Theres not much constructive advice to offer really. I despair at all the bashing of the boyfriend, whose role in this child's life isn't clear. If he's living there acting as a father figure. Then why shouldn't he tell him to sit down? All he did was teach one the table & in doing so knocked over a drink & people are acting like he battered him.

A 3 year old should not be standing on booth seating eating & 'waving' during a meal. He should be sitting on his bottom.

im not surprised the boyfriend was telling him to sit down.

Your child was stood up on the seat. You spelt the issue out yourself!!

Knocking a drink over here was just an accident and not really anything to do with the fundamental issues here, which are:

• Why do you think it's OK for your DS to stand on a chair in a restaurant? I wouldn't let my 3 year old do that. Whether or not he was annoying the family in the next booth on this occasion isn't the issue - it sends the message "standing on chairs in restaurants is OK" which it isn't.
• Have you and your boyfriend of a year agreed his role in parenting your children? If no, why not? This is not a casual fling it's becoming a long term relationship. If yes, is what he did not in line with what you agreed or not?
• Why is saying "aww fuck sake" somehow blaming you? Don't we all say something like that when we bang our head, or tip a glass over or whatever?

As someone who was a single parent for many years, a reaction from a boyfriend like that would totally put me off. The swearing and not apologising when they knocked over a drink and spoilt food would be a massive red flag for me.

Be very careful who you ingratiate into your family. Take care.

I think you’re wise to listen to your gut. You‘ve got the feeling something isn’t quite right, he’s giving you the ick, he doesn’t sound suited to dating someone with a young child. Best to pull the plug on it. (And I totally get the sort of place you mean, which makes his behaviour even worst, like he can’t read situations and know what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour for the type of place you’re in. Although obviously what he did would never have been appropriate!)

Honestly the way some of you are talking this man launched himself to his feet, threw the table aside to haul the child to his seat whilst screaming "You little fucker, you're embarrassing me. And why are you just sat there? Fucking disgrace. Now look what you've made me do by letting him run riot!"

Instead, from what the OP has said, it was more like this man had said more than once to child to sit down (maybe backed by OP at one point, which makes it muddier), child ignored him (and possibly OP), man reached across the table possibly to tap his arm, possibly to gently encourage him to sit, possibly to physically drag him down ... as he reached across the table his arm caught the glass and he said to no-one in particular "Oh fucks sake" Because he had accidentally knocked the glass over. OP chose to take it personally and yet also didn't react...

No you can’t guarantee it.

if I were the parent of a little girl I would have zero issues, and would be instead delighted at this little interaction

Family friendly place or not your 3 year old should be sat down. If I were the other family I would have waved back, smiled etc. then complained about you all the way home for not correcting his behaviour. It’s one thing to say hi every 15 mins when you pass on the way to a buffet. It’s another thing to be saying hi and waving every few seconds when he’s standing on his chair. You pretty much have to kill your family’s conversations as it would be impossible to continue. Was their child also standing on their chair leaning into your family’s table? This is the only was I could imagine it’s ok as clearly it is then behaviour that is accepted by both families.
Also you had told him to sit down and he chose not to listen to you so normally you would then sit them down as boyfriend did.
Having said that if you don’t want your boyfriend to cross the line into father figure that’s your choice. So tell him that you will (or in this case will not) respond to his behaviour as you see fit.

Have you had the conversation OP?

If someone does not teach the children to behave they become the children no one likes the children not invite to friends parties. Parents fault but the child suffers. If I was such a poor parent that I could not give my child boundries while I may not like it at the time my child's life would be better for it.

Why is he trying to tell your children off? Na