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Original poster

To wish I had her life ?

146 replies

TabbyMcTat2 · 03/04/2024 19:04

Me, 38, single, living with stepdad as can’t afford to move out alone. Have lupus also.

Cousin is 32, healthy, has an adoring fiancé who pays their mortgage and the majority of the bills. She has an easy job and only works a maximum of 10/15 hours a week. Good friends and family all support her. It isn’t just a perfect “Facebook” life, I see her regularly and know it really is all this good and easy.

I know I will be flamed on here but sometimes I just wish I was her and that I had her life.

OP posts:
chocolaterevs · 03/04/2024 19:09

You will definitely get flamed, but for the first time in my life I'm completely with you on this. I have worked so hard and kept trying my best and never really achieved a lot. I'm skint and now have no hope for the future. I've tried to upskill and retrain. I've researched and pursued careers and job prospects until the cows come home...

I have several friends who all married decent men who adore them and provide everything for them, and I mean everything. They want for nothing in terms of housing, clothes, beauty appointments, holidays etc and never really had to earn it. They all have great lives and are super happy.

I've never been envious or jealous or really compared until recently. But now I'm starting to wonder what life is all about. People say work hard and life is what you make it, but I have really tried and end up nowhere. For others it lands at their feet, and they are happy.

Runskiyoga · 03/04/2024 19:10

It's ok to feel envy or jealousy, lucky her I guess. But I wouldn't want her life because I love mine, I work more than full time every week in a job that's difficult and demanding and it's wonderful.

Original poster
TabbyMcTat2 · 03/04/2024 19:12

That’s exactly it @chocolaterevs . Knowing she can chill at home in her lovely flat while I’m working hard and not really getting anywhere is really hard to take.

OP posts:
HebburnPokemon · 03/04/2024 19:13

But if he leaves her, then what?

StormingNorman · 03/04/2024 19:15

Life isn’t supposed to be as hard as it is and I’ve never understood the moral virtue in working. If I had a trust fund, I’d be spanking my credit card up and down Bond Street and getting drunk on martinis in the Bahamas.

Totally with you on this!

friggingno · 03/04/2024 19:16

I am sorry that you have health issues @TabbyMcTat2
It's interesting that you mention good friends and family support; in my experience people are all the more supportive the less need for it you have haha.
Do not despair, you have some security living with your step dad and you can find a way to achieve what you want in life: believe in yourself.

Beezknees · 03/04/2024 19:16

Personally I wouldn't like to be "kept" by a man so it doesn't sound like the kind of life I'd want.

All these type of threads seem to be envious of women who have wealthy partners paying for them. Where is the ambition to earn well yourself?

SevenSeasOfRhye · 03/04/2024 19:17

Would you really want to be dependent on someone else like that? Your cousin is in a vulnerable position as they're not married and (I assume as you haven't mentioned any) don't have children. If he ended it - or, for that matter, if she did, she'd get nothing from him.

turnips4u · 03/04/2024 19:18

Fleeting jealousy or envy is a completely normal emotion but what is this actually doing for you apart from making you feel sad and down? is it helping you? is it enhancing your life or is it just making you feel like crap?

I am not flaming you but I would suggest you examine what the consequences of this is. I lost my parents young and felt very, very jealous of my carefree friends at the time who didnt have to go through that at such a young age- they seemed so free compared to me who had such a burden of grief. 20 years on, one of the friends I used to be jealous of lost her son at only age 6, one is currently going through cancer treatment and the other has gone bankrupt and is now divorced. I am not suggesting that bad stuff will happen to your cousin at all but it has taught me that noone, absolutely noone, gets through this life living a perfect existence without any suffering. It simply does not happen.

There may well be people who look at your life and feel jealous that you dont have all their problems like severe disability, or homelessness -what would you say to them?

Krabappel · 03/04/2024 19:20

HebburnPokemon · 03/04/2024 19:13

But if he leaves her, then what?

Sounds like she's got a lot of family and friends to support her. So even if bad things happen, she'll be cushioned.

I guess YANBU to be jealous op. It's just how it is though, sometimes it does help to remember that there are others so much worse off than ourselves to rebalance our perspective.

Beezknees · 03/04/2024 19:20

StormingNorman · 03/04/2024 19:15

Life isn’t supposed to be as hard as it is and I’ve never understood the moral virtue in working. If I had a trust fund, I’d be spanking my credit card up and down Bond Street and getting drunk on martinis in the Bahamas.

Totally with you on this!

But in this scenario, someone else is working to provide for them. Not a trust fund.

Not wanting to work but wanting someone else to work for you is very entitled.

Eyeballpaula · 03/04/2024 19:23

It's OK to be jealous- life isn't fair, particularly when it comes to health.

All you can do is make sure you play the hand you get to the best of your ability.

When it comes to help - ask for help with something specific. I agree, people often don't know where to start when offering help

saffronflower · 03/04/2024 19:23

Beezknees · 03/04/2024 19:16

Personally I wouldn't like to be "kept" by a man so it doesn't sound like the kind of life I'd want.

All these type of threads seem to be envious of women who have wealthy partners paying for them. Where is the ambition to earn well yourself?

I dont get this either- I want my own money. All kinds of things can happen when you rely solely on someone else for financial support. What if you break up?- it happens lol

Original poster
TabbyMcTat2 · 03/04/2024 19:24

Don’t think anyone will be falling over themselves to be jealous of an almost 40 year old living with her stepdad, single, no kids with frequent lupus flare ups…

I get that everyone has their trauma in life but some do seem to get it more than others . Also if you have supportive family and friends then issues and big problems are definitely made more bearable.

My cousin would get half even if they divorced in the future I imagine. Not really going to be an issue . He idolises her and they don’t have kids either. I wouldn’t want that to happen to her though, of course not. I’m far from a mean person even if I come across that way.

From reading some of the other posts, it does seem that way. I know a good few women who don’t work or not much at all but have a lovely life funded by their partners or husbands.

OP posts:
5128gap · 03/04/2024 19:26

Of course you do. She has a good life, and all being well it could continue to be great until the day she dies, and she may always have advantages over you. But bluntly thats too bad, isn't it? You're you with your own life to live and all you can do is the best you can with what you've got. At least looking at your cousin's life gives you some focus for what you might be aiming for..a job you find easy, a partner...set yourself some goals to make sure you're playing the cards you've been dealt to your best advantage. Never mind what your cousin's got in her hand. That's nothing to do with your life.

Beezknees · 03/04/2024 19:26

saffronflower · 03/04/2024 19:23

I dont get this either- I want my own money. All kinds of things can happen when you rely solely on someone else for financial support. What if you break up?- it happens lol

Show quote history

It's very depressing how many women in this day and age still want to be financially kept by men.

Purpletractor · 03/04/2024 19:28

OP, about 10 years ago a junior colleague said to me ‘you have a perfect life…..great husband, beautiful kids, amazing job’. I just wanted to cry and scream…..my life was so far from perfect. You really don’t know what is going on in her life or what lies around the corner- he has an affair, she gets cancer. In 12 months life could be very different.

dontbelievewhatyousee · 03/04/2024 19:29

Often on MN I see the discussion about women relying on men. I’d say, if you get half and in return you get time. I personally value time over everything else.

You can’t take time away once it’s given. You can’t buy more time. If a partner is willing to give you the ability to have your own time, it’s worth the risk. Nothing in certain in this life.

BobbyBiscuits · 03/04/2024 19:30

No one's life is perfect. A multimillionaire might contemplate suicide because they can't afford a big enough new villa. A homeless person who lives on the streets will cry because someone nicked their sleeping bag. Be grateful for what you do have.

PartingGift · 03/04/2024 19:31

I get it. I work in the same profession as many of my friends. We all earn similiar money, but have quite big differences in lifestyle, which mostly depends on who our parents are and who we married. I admit I feel a bit jealous of friends who have been gifted house deposits, cars, weddings etc. Comparison is the thief of joy, but I can't help it sometimes.

BMW6 · 03/04/2024 19:33

Seriously OP millions and millions would look at your life and really wish they were you.

You've got to keep things in perspective.

Beezknees · 03/04/2024 19:34

dontbelievewhatyousee · 03/04/2024 19:29

Often on MN I see the discussion about women relying on men. I’d say, if you get half and in return you get time. I personally value time over everything else.

You can’t take time away once it’s given. You can’t buy more time. If a partner is willing to give you the ability to have your own time, it’s worth the risk. Nothing in certain in this life.

If you're in a position to do so and both partners agree.

To actively aspire to that lifestyle to the point of being envious of those who have it is a bit entitled in my view.

K0OLA1D · 03/04/2024 19:35

I'm jealous of every able bodied person I know. Friends, family, work colleagues, random people on the street.

It gets tiring

Botanica · 03/04/2024 19:38

Where's the pride gone in bettering yourself, achieving your own successes and fulfilling your potential?

I can't imagine anything worse than being dependent on someone else's money and living off the coattails of someone else's success, with all you have to trade for it being your perfect manicure and gym bunny body...

Next thing you know you'd be one of those posters here who always answers the salary threads with "My DH....".

PersephonePomegranate23 · 03/04/2024 19:39

Not wishing ill on anybody here, but this is her life right now, nobody knows what's around the corner, but her current lifestyle sounds rather imprudent to me.