10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

I wouldn't think twice about it tbh, so long as they could walk back with another child from school, and text you when they got in. Then they're accounted for the whole time. Once they're at home, presumably they can get themselves a slice of toast and know to not let strangers in?

So much hysteria on this thread! I regularly left my kids from about 9/10 for a couple of hours. My youngest (11) is allowed to leave school five mins early to catch the bus home in a mid size city. No one asked me if that was ok, just assumed she is sensible.

I grew up in Scandinavia, but even in this country there are kids literally caring for adults and kids from earlier ages than this. As others have said, you know your child, you know your set up. You know what feels ok for you and them.

I think it is totally fine. Where I am from kids are home alone earlier than in the UK. However, I understand the societal norm is different in the UK and we are working with that. But if you think they're ready. I don't really see the issue

I'm Gen x and at 10yo once a week caught the train into the city ( about 40 minutes) by mysef to meet up with my parents who had a business there they couldn't leave until 9pm on Thursdays. The other days I walked home , and stayed there until my slightly feckless 6 years older sister put in an appearance about 5 minutes before my parents did ( after 3 hours). Also brought in the washing, started dinner, watched a shedload of TV , ate everything crap I could find and talked to friends on the phone ( landline! gasp) for at least an hour.

Thing that always saved me was we had an old-fashioned key in our back door ( long , silver - don't know the name) and as I regularly forgot my front door key I would go straight around the back and use this trick I had read in a book.

Slide a piece of newspaper under the door ( see I am old - newspaper we had it everywhere, stashed in the shed to start the BBQ etc) Poke the keyhole with a stick until the key falls out and lands on the newspaper, then slide it back out under the door.. Worked like a charm until my parents renovated and got a new door with a normal lock. No idea why they didn't just leave a key under a potplant or something.
OP - if your child is sensible and confident to be on their own then it will be fine. Perhaps work up to it in stages though, Starting now. 10 minutes then 20 minutes next week etc.

Probably because he needs to, and its normal in Sweden where he lives.

What? You have to be joking!

You know your own child. I would definitely have left my daughter at that age but definitely not my son, to be honest I’d be reluctant to leave him now and he’s 16 😂.

I haven’t read RTFT but have you asked him? If he’s happy with it then give it a go .

My parents left me home alone at that age. Sometimes my older siblings were there and sometimes not. I was fine. It wasn’t even a big deal. I wasn’t even the most sensible kid either.

Can’t see any harm for a ten year old who is sensible, locking the doors, getting a snack and turning on the tv until an adult comes home within the hour.

Just to confirm as I assume others are confused. I assume your daughter can’t go from September and she turns 11 is September (so will be year 6). I looked after myself from year 7 after school. I’m sure it will be fine. Does she have a friend she could walk home with? Especially in winter. I think being at home is fine, I’d be more worried about her getting there.

The £16/hr cost of the childminder is extortionate to me! We pay £7.50 SE. I totally get why you can’t pay that, op. A teen babysitter might be a good option or if you think your child is mature enough, they can be left for a few hours. Is it only once or twice per week etc? Legally, it is down to parents’ judgement about their child’s level of maturity and readiness. Does the child have somewhere to go (like a trusted neighbour) if something goes wrong? Would they cope if there was a fire etc etc?? .

Personally, I would try to avoid it if possible of course but I had to be home alone but from age 13 every evening from 5.30 to 7.30 as my father died and my mum had to work in evening (cleaning job) so it is not always easy or an ideal world. Your DC’s father should be contributing to their upbringing of course but unfortunately life doesn’t always work out like that. Xx

Gov.uk states this ⬇️

You’ll get a lot of folks telling you that you can’t do it but I think its fine. I was doing at it that age and my Mum didn’t get home until 6. My son was getting himself home and letting himself in at that age too. He finished around 3.20, would get home around 3.45 and would let himself in. I get home around 5 give or take 20 mins depending on what time I get out. He had / has a phone so if there were any issues he could call and I could check he’s ok. Covid hit just before he turned 11 and he was home alone most of the day everyday because there was no school or childcare and I still had to work, he’s still alive!

If you don’t think she’s sensible enough then an alternative after school club or childminder would be the way forward. Most childcare places stop once they go to high school at 11 anyway.

So the child is not 'very young', whatever this means, under six since toddlers are already mentioned? So the child can be left alone.

Overnight is mentioned so 'a long period of time' must mean waking hours.

I, therefore, wouldn't call, say, an hour before school or a couple of hours after school a long period of time. Which is what is being spoken about in relation to primary aged children.

What about getting a local teen to come round and hang out with your DC?

I was 9 and I’d walk my 5 year old brother home from school at 3pm and we’d stay at home ourselves watching tv until my mum got home from work/uni at around 6.

I’m not sure I’d advocate for 9yr olds but by almost 11 then yes.

I think having some local teens round would be worse than no supervision going by the behaviour in local high school. My eldest goes there and some friends are teachers and some of the stories are shocking.

Not saying all teenagers are awful but I think you want to be careful who you invite into your home to be alone with your child.

You and your childs' other parent have a responsibility for the welfare of your child, a 10 year old is too young to be left alone at home for 2 hours, Either one or both of you should request flexible working to ensure your childs' safety or pay for afterschool care. I know that this can be expensive, however it is is only for a short time, your childs' welfare and safety must be your number 1 priority. A healthy child is irreplaceable, money isn't.

can't just cut my hours short leaving a vulnerable adult alone because it suits me

But your vulnerable child, who is dependent on you, can be left? Think this through. You're going to look so bad on the news reports and true crime podcasts if anything goes wrong. Which, of course, we pray won't happen. But rather than relying on the prayers of strangers, you need to make proper arrangements for your child.

You say you're in a village. Everyone will know there's a ten year old alone every afternoon. People with ill-intent (other children, teenagers, adults) will know where to find him/her.

If your child is comfortable, and you have done a proper risk assessment, and been clear about what they can and can’t do in particular situations, and you are confident in your child’s ability and happiness, then you have probably met the minimum requirements for leaving them alone. I’d be trialling this for periods at weekends first.

Can they phone you and guarantee an answer if they need to?

So just because other people do it, it's ok? Are you incapable of thinking for yourself?!

8 year olds should not be walking home alone, popping to the park with their pals then letting themselves in and entertaining themselves until you show up. Who cares if this is the done thing where you live. Do better and look after your poor kid.

In the part of Germany my friend lives in, this would be the norm for 10 year olds.

I think it depends on the individual child.
How independent they are, how responsible they are. In some ways children in the UK these days seems to be given less responsibility or rather have too much done for them from a young age with a helicopter parent there to step in and prevent issues from arising. (I put my hands up as I have been guilty of this but am trying to change!)

In the 90s, as a 9 year old I had my own key, let myself in and was alone for about 1 hour 15 minutes everyday after school. Nothing happened thankfully.
Would I do that for my kids now, aged 9? No. But my parents had no choice and I was a sensible kid. I had neighbours we were friendly with. I just sat and watched telly, ate some snacks, enjoyed the peace :)
A few years ago my niece, aged 10 had to go the local library after school until parents picked her up, is that an option for you?

You know your child best OP.
If they had someone to walk back with that would be better. But like other poster have said, try building up the independence.

Why do you think your way is superior to the way many countries approach children's independent abilities? Are British children growing up safer, more secure, more capable and with better outcomes than children in Sweden for example?

I completely agree with @Natsku . I find it fascinating that an entire country's process can be dismissed so easily.

I mean, sure, if you aren't comfortable with that, go ahead. But I'd think that actually, there might be some useful lessons to learn from other places.

I really am starting to worry a lot about children in this country.

Ideas:
Can your kid get a school bus to your workplace rather than the house?

Or can you get wfh arrangements with your job so you do the last part of the day at home?

Ask the school/or other parents if they know of any solutions/ other parents in same boat and you could work it out as a group.

Can your kid go to a public place with supervising adults such as a swimming pool for that time rather than home?
(this may be a good/bad idea. Cant exactly think of what, but maybe there are after school activities like running hockey music scouts /guides ect)