10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

I personally wouldn't leave my 11yo (12 in May) at present for more than about 15-20 minutes.
He's a young 11 still, possibly ND, and has been severely bullied, so that makes a difference I think. He's also an over-thinker and is sensitive and anxious.
But every child is different and matures at different rates, so I would go on what you feel is right and safe for your child.
Just because I know mine isn't ready, doesn't mean yours isn't too.

But these opinions are likely formed by your own cultural norms. I know mine certainly are. To me 8yo going home alone from school is totally normal cause that's what happened when inwas that age and that's what all the kids in the neighbourhood do. 5yo catching trains alone is crazy to me cause in my surroundings it is considered inappropriate and dangerous. If it was the done thing here, we would consider it to be fine.

6months ago I would have said of course not. However, our road (nice area, low crime for the first 15 of the 18 years we’ve lived here) gets a break in every 3-6 weeks - back doors smashed in, bike lockers broken into etc.

I happed to walk in on a couple of black balaclava’ed thieves in my neighbours house in feb (thought the cleaners had set the alarm off). They ran, taking their swag but the guys who did the previous burglary 3 week earlier further down the road were armed and hen a WFH dad found them it got nasty. They target houses around here between 4-6 - ie as it first gets dark and before people get home from work. Lights were on in both of the houses I mentioned above, but that didn’t stop them. My Gp receptionist took a all from her 11yo son to say their house was being broken into at 8am, ie after they think everyone has left the house.

So, now? No, I wouldn’t let a 10yr old let themselves in and be alone for 2hrs unless I knew there was a neighbour nearby. Not without alarms and training them up on how to use it.

Depends on the child. I'd leave my daughter but never my son.

I'm a Gen Xer though so may have very outdated opinions.😆

No after school clubs they could go to ?

Wow, that is extortionate! Most people I know pay £6 an hour for their childminder. We pay £5.50 and I pay her for 2 hours after school three times a week. She has my youngest 9-5 for the same three days but she also has kids with no younger siblings in her care who just go for the 2 hours after school too. We’re also in a village and the wrap around at the school here finishes at 4.30 and is very limited so not an option for us as I don’t finish until just after 4 and it takes at least 30 mins for me to drive back with no traffic (but I can’t guarantee that!)

Personally I would not have left my DD alone at 10, it about their ability to know what to do in an emergency, or an unexpected situation. Also 3.15 until 5.30pm is an awfully long period of time. We live in the same type of community as you and DD is now in Y7, it has only been this year I’ve allowed her home alone and only for short periods of time, an hour max. The change in them from Y6 to Y7 is huge especially with having to catch the bus on their own etc.

I may have missed something on this thread but one thought I have is how do you cope with child care during school holidays OP ? Can you not use the same 'cover' for after school?

It wouldn’t be the short period at home alone that would worry me it would be the walking home

Surely DD knows to ring a neighbour or ring her mother in an emergency? Or ring 999. What else could she do?

I did this everyday day when I was 11. Super short walk. Mostly it meant I didn’t do my homework and watched TV

I don’t have a 10yo but there seems to be a lot of perl clutching on here. What are people afraid of? That their children will light to house on fire by using the job? That they will get snatched? That they might play the drums loudly and annoy the neighbours? Yes children are vulnerable but that word means different things in different contexts so not really helpful. Some of these things can be worked on some can’t.

When I had to leave my home alone, I contacted her through Alexa. We left it on 'drop in' so could hear my voice or I could occasionally have a chat. Eventually both of us felt a bit more secure/comfortable that she could drop in on me (alexa app on my mobile) when she needed. This was longer than few hours during school holidays but no other option. Just have chats and imaginary scenarios on what to do for certain events like not answering door at all etc . Your daughter will probably love the time and responsibility

This will always be specific to the child, but generally speaking I think 2 hours at home alone is reasonable for a 10 year old.

Have a routine and rules set up for them - use a visual list tacked to the fridge or a checklist if that helps. Talk through what to do in an emergency (and what emergencies are call-999 worthy, which ones are call a neighbor worthy). Do some practice runs over the summer so everyone feels comfortable.
-Call/text mum or dad (or other available adult) that I'm home
-Unpack bag and put shoes & such away
-Snack - no stove or oven use
-Homework
-Screen time or playing within X radius of the house with friends, etc.
-No having friends over or going to other houses without prior approval from parents

I was babysitting neighbor children by that age, and we have far better options to keep in contact today. You're not a bad parent for giving them some age-appropriate responsibility.

I had similar dilemma . W

i think 10 is marginally on the young side . I had to consider similar when my dd was 11 but coming back 4.40.
It would be important not to assume they know what to do in an emergency . If they lost key what wud they do , not to mess with toasters etc . I was surprised what my dd didn’t know tbh. Had to talk thru what to do in fire / stranger at door / etc etc . They can’t really problem solve at a young age so everything has to be spoken about . And a neighbour they can go to is v important. Good luck xx

Childminder or after school clubs or do deals with the parents of your child's friends.

But foremost childminder or after school activity.

It all depends on your DC. If they're OK with it then that's fine. If not then you need to explore why and what you can do to make them feel comfortable.

Primary schools are allowed to let year 5 and 6 kids walk home alone if the parents agree. It's pretty normal. Obviously every scenario is different but if you feel you live somewhere safe, your DC is happy and there are ways for them to contact you and other people if anything goes wrong, then it should be fine.

I know we all bang on about the old days - but in the 70s my siblings and I (primary aged, probably 9 onwards?) would cycle or bus all over the place from dawn to dusk - and that was without mobile phones. Kids do need to learn independence, and this sounds like an ideal opportunity!

I paid a friend £5 an hour or £2.50 per half hour when DC was in Y5/6. However, if you use a Registered Childminder you should be able to claim for Childcare Tax Credits/Free Childcare which is why they charge so much! There may be someone at school who would be happy to do it for £10 a day (parent, not teacher!)

My child started doing a 7 minute walk home alone aged 8 when dad and I both had COVID. We then went back to collecting him until he was 9.5 on his request. Since he was 10 he has walked both ways alone but never to an empty house. We do leave him in the house alone when we are on a local walk on the estate. Personally I would say walking home alone is fine, but not to an empty house until he's in secondary school.

@stichguru Not to be argumentative, but just I'm interested... Do you see being alone in a house as more dangerous than doing a walk alone? If so, why? My parents always trusted me, but "didn't trust other people", so would have had no issue leaving me in the house for a time, but didn't let me walk alone anywhere until I was 17! Although of course I could walk places with a friend. I guess I now see the streets as less safe. It's so interesting seeing on this thread how people's "norms" growing up shape their perceptions...

In my day when I was a child the 1970s … it wasn’t deemed a problem but not these days
10 is too young .. half an hour yes at a push ..

I absolutely agree with this.

I would get a childminder until they were starting secondary school

I think the comments saying it's neglect though are completely rediculous

I was home alone till 6 after school even younger and quite happy. Hated the childminder so great for me.