10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

At 10 my youngest DD came home from school, changed and walked round the corner to dance lesson. Like you, rural with no childcare options.
Depends on the kid but seems fine to me

Haven't rtft but I'm quite shocked by some of the responses on here. There are long-term effects and risks associated with not allowing your children any independence, and letting kids look after themselves when they're ready to do so is a crucial part of parenting - otherwise you are not only telling them that the world is too scary for them to navigate, you're depriving them of the experience of doing it in a gradual and carefully managed way, and thus rendering them less capable and less prepared for the moments later on when you're not there to hover over them. I'm currently reading The Anxious Generation and it's pretty chilling.

Neglect is when you leave a child in actual danger of actual harm.

'Why do you think your way is superior to the way many countries approach children's independent abilities? Are British children growing up safer, more secure, more capable and with better outcomes than children in Sweden for example?'

I would suggest development and capability of children is similar whether they live in Sweden or Bognor Regis. As is the risk regarding paedophiles and traffic risks.

If I was the op I'd let a 10 nearly 11year old walk home and be unsupervised but the pp allowing their 8 year old do so even popping to the park on route? Nope.

You didn't answer the question though. Are British children growing up with better outcomes by curtailing their independence? I'd argue no.
I do agree that development and capability of children are similar whether in the UK or Sweden, so it's amazing how British children supposedly can't handle what Swedish children do.

'Can't handle what Swedish kids do' .

If Swedish parents are so lax that they seriously think their 8 yr olds are self sufficient enough to pop to the park alone, to get themselves to and from school, to let themselves in and what, maybe pop the washing on and prepare dinner (who knows what) fine, their choice. But please do not suggest it is ok because it's Sweden! as if it's some utopia free of risks.

There are risks in everything, including keeping your children supervised at all times (those risks being longer term, which makes it harder for some people to spot)
My child at 8 could certainly handle going to the park alone, going to and from school alone, letting herself in and getting a snack and doing her homework alone (alas she didn't put the washing on then, but she does now at 13), as could her classmates.

This is insane. Of course it’s not neglect.
much closer to neglect to have not taught your kids basic safety, risk assessment and independence skills by this age.

I would suggest development and capability of children is similar whether they live in Sweden or Bognor Regis. As is the risk regarding paedophiles and traffic risks.

Well, it is obviously not the case that the risks from paedophiles or traffic are the same everywhere - letting a child cross a green lane in rural Scotland is not the same as letting her cross a busy A road in the South East, is it? Of course risks vary from place to place, and the suggestion that you should parent according to a worst-case scenario regardless of whether that reflects the reality of your actual circumstances is, to put it bluntly, batshit.

Equally, the potential development and capability of children is universal, but actual development only occurs if it is allowed and encouraged by the world in which the children exist. If you prevent your child encountering places where they learn skills, they don't learn them. This is precisely how we end up with kids going off to uni utterly helpless (or parents being jumpy because they haven't heard from their 24yr-old in the last three hours) - because parents shield them from everything, even the things that it's clear that children in other environments and cultures can cope with just fine.

As for what @Natsku says - it is not "OK because it's Sweden", for heaven's sake, it's OK because it has better outcomes for kids' long-term health and happiness. If we can see it working perfectly well somewhere else, that - at the very least - blows a hole in the argument that it is simply cruel or neglectful or misguided, regardless of the context.

Of course risks vary from place to place, and the suggestion that you should parent according to a worst-case scenarioregardless of whether that reflects the reality of your actual circumstances is, to put it bluntly, batshit.

This. I have argued about this with SIL in the past. We live in a relatively safe part of Surrey. It's the sort of area that's a mix of people rather than expensive landed gentry in massive houses. The local high school is fairly diverse and very large, but as the "roughest" school in the area is still, by most standards, an excellent school with well behaved children (I should know - I've lived across the road from it for nearly 15 years and DS goes there).

But she acts like we live in some ghetto. Has the sort of alarm system Donald Trump would use. Melts down if I don't get as upset as her if she hears about some potential paedophile - usually from a facebook post where a single man walked past the playground... that's en route to the train station! And was very judgemental when we started letting DS start taking short walks to the shop/park/friends when he was 9 or 10.

I find it so bizarre. I don't understand how she lives with that level of stress . It must be exhausting for her.

And also all other nordics. And baltics. And a lot of central europe.

It's not neglect 🙄 in the UK, there is no legal age for leaving a child unattended unless they are at risk. If this post was about a 2 year old, then I would agree with you as 2 year olds can harm themselves and not look after themselves at all, but this post is about an older child.

OP - it really depends on whether or not your child is mature enough to be by themselves for 2 hours. There's no reason why they can't, you just need to make sure that they can contact you if need be, and that they don't open the door. Ultimately, you know your child best

Absolutely no problem. I'm shocked that this many people are so precious about leaving a child alone for a fraction of the day - how ridiculous

so they are still in primary next year ? I would ask if they can stay another year if they are still there

Can you apply for flexible working and change your work hours. They have to accomodate if its reasonable

Wait until they find out five year olds in Japan take the train alone to school 🤣

'Wait until they find out five year olds in Japan take the train alone to school 🤣'

A five year old catching a train alone all the lolz! I mean what could possibly go wrong.

I'm far from being a helicopter parent but I do think 5 (and 8 year olds) need a certain amount of parental attention and supervision. Why have kids if you cba with this very basic requirement.

Why have kids if you cba with this very basic requirement.

It's this sort of ridiculous statement that makes your worries about children of 8 or whatever age being left at home so hard to swallow.

Fine, if you don't want to give your children that independence, fine. But the judgey ridiculousness is pathetic.

I could turn it around on you and say, "why have kids if you CBA to even put the effort in to ensure can have independence."

Studies have shown that the issues of increasing lack of childhood independent mobility is a real concern for children's well being and development. It's not "CBA" to say that actually, I think my child will be fine being left at home for a few hours. It's a specific choice based on what you believe is best for your child and what your child can handle.

Studies have shown that the issues of increasing lack of childhood independent mobility is a real concern for children's well being and development.
Yup, decreasing independent mobility is not good

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/315755777_Children%27s_Independent_Mobility_an_international_comparison_and_recommendations_for_action

"Children’s independent mobility matters for a variety of reasons, including the ability to be autonomous and safe outside the home, staying physically fit and reducing the risk of obesity, and developing social and practical skills. Losing this independence can leave children less self-sufficient, less healthy and less free. It is therefore vital to understand the ways in which the ability to travel independently have changed and what this implies for society and future policy"

Thankfully my country still has decent independent mobility for children, because parents can be arsed to teach their children how to travel safely and independently.

"The degree of independent mobility granted to Finnish children is striking. At age 7, a majority of Finnish children can already travel to places within walking distance or cycle to places alone; by age 8 a majority can cross main roads, travel home from school and go out after dark alone, by age 9 a majority can cycle on main roads alone, and by age 10 a majority can travel on local buses alone. Overall, Finland is the top-performing country across almost every independent mobility indicator in this study, coming second only to Germany for children’s self-reported freedom to travel on local buses alone."

My 10 yo was a latch key kid for all of yr 6. She loved the responsibility and independence. She knew she could go to a neighbour if there was a problem, or call me. Can you have a adult neighbour/ friend available physically if there is a problem?

Such pearl clutching in this thread.

It depends on the child. Obviously if you have a child who would be bereft and burn the place down due to the confusion of being alone, then that isn't the child to send home on their own with a key.

If your child is generally sensible, will listen if you tell them some basic instructions (lock the door when you get home, get a snack that doesn't require cooking, play minecraft) and knows how to use the phone then they're probably fine. TBH you could also probably see if they're okay to go to a mate's house once or twice a week; at that age they tend to amuse themselves and I was fine with DS having a friend over when I was a SAHM and someone needed childcare.

I was a latchkey child at that age. Most of my friends were as well, but it was at the dawn of time and mums were out gathering berries whilst our fathers were hunting mammoths. 😜

If as you say , your child is sensible, l see no reason why they cannot be home alone for a couple of hours...l did it with my son, he was fine...You can always ask your child to text you when they leave school & to text again when they are home to put your mind at rest. Hope it works out for you

Says who?! Very much depends on a number of factors I would think. Judgy comments like yours are so unhelpful

Is there a neighbour they could go to for an hour or two? They might do it much cheaper than a professional childminder. When I was 16 or so, a younger kid (10 or so) would come to our house after school and be collected at around 6. I'd help him with his homework and they gave me £10/week (mid-80's). If not, then maybe another parent?

Hi

i think this is fine at age 10 although you know your own child and how trustworthy they are.

when did we stop allowing our kids to do this stuff? We have technology now: phones, FaceTime, tracking device support, ring doorbell etc so surely it’s safer than ever?

i would say it’s ok. Tell him to call when he gets in and leave a snack out.

Can he go home with a mate one day and have a friend back with him
another for company?

do you have a friendly neighbour he can call if he needs anything or feels worried?

it’s only really 1.5 hours alone and most kids just watch tv, play computer games

They should be ok. Keep in touch via text/ phone as much as possible between 3.15 and when you get home. Some responses on here are OTT about danger and neglect. As long as your nearly 11 year old is sensible it’s ok. some 11 year olds could not be trusted owing to lack of common sense, immaturity etc.