10 year old alone after school?

[Picklelicklemk]

In a bit of a pickle. Our DC becomes too old for a local nursery we use for after school in a couple of months. I don't finish work until 5pm and home for 5.30pm.

School finishes at 3.15pm what am I supposed to do to bridge the gap? Is 10 too young to be alone? DC is fairly sensible and trustworthy but just seems so young!

No family or friends we can rely on.

What do other people do for after school care when their DC hit this age? TIA

I was once at a train station in London on a Sunday. The station was packed with unaccompanied young children, presumably being sent to boarding schools. It seemed so wrong to me.

You know your son… can he be trusted alone for 2 hours? Will he just go in and then game for 2 hours or will he start playing with matches or attempt to
cook something? Will he put toast in then stick a Knife in the toaster when it gets stuck?

My daughter turns 11 in August and she will be going to secondary school a few weeks later. Your son will be the same age a few weeks later and will be nearly 12 by the time he starts secondary school.

I think it depends on age and maturity rather than school year. An 11 year old is fine imo unless they have special needs or other circumstances make it difficult.

My DD year 6, 11 in June, comes home by herself as I now work later. There are loads of kids all going the same way so she's never actually alone. Has keys, let's herself in. Her dad is sometimes home and sometimes gets home 30mins or so later. She's fine, she's sensible, I work 5 mins drive away so can get back if I need to.

Just a thought : if there is only one childminder in the area and she earns significantly more than you , perhaps you could consider switching careers ? It sounds like 2 hours of childminding would earn you the same that you earn now for a full day of work . Also , if you are a career I would imagine you already have all the safety checks ( like police checks etc ) . Food for though , perhaps ? Best of luck x

Why are people using 11 as a marker? Surely you use 12/13/secondary as one? Personally I’ve always said the thing isn’t the usual crazily out of the ordinary things like eg a fire (although our toaster once randomly went up in flames!!), it’s someone creepy knocking at the door and your child feeling scared and not having anyone there to answer the door/ tell them it’s ok (happened to 13 yo who hid in his room), we’ve had weird things like a huge black dog coming into the garden and the kids freaking out (we were there to tell them it was fine), the fire alarm once went off and my 16yo nearly fell over running down the stairs (again we said relax, all ok), or a glass smashing or something like that. These are the everyday reasons people have to parent. And yes some kids are more street smart and better equipped, but I see some of these street smart kids nearly get knocked down on their way to school, or run over to strange dogs etc. there’s things in life we find difficult as adults so why expect a child to navigate it on their own? Op can you or your partner cut back your hours? Does your child have a friend they could go to one or two days and you could give them a few quid? I left my job at the end of last year for this reason (youngest is 9). Myself and dh couldn’t take the juggling and the begging and arguing anymore. It’s so hard

Just saw above poster- that’s a great idea- could you start child minding instead?

@stayathomer Children need to learn to deal with those things. Someone knocks on the door you do not know, just do not answer. A strange dog runs around the garden, do not go outside and ring your parent. Fire alarm goes off, go outside and knock on neighbours door. You break a glass, you need to know how to carefully clean it up.
Children can feel scared or unsure, but this is how resilience is built. You cope with things outside your comfort zone and learn that you can deal with it.

Noisysnail I do agree with that to a certain extent but in another way it is unfair to expect a primary child to deal with them as they come up, secondary sure, older secondary definitely.

The person knocking on the door that my son hid from, If I know for sure who it is, is a dodgy looking character that would unsettle any adult even (he goes around asking about doing guttering/ cleaning bins/cars/ anything). He has a shifty smile and stares at you. The dog was fricking huge and not friendly looking (is not a big bouncy black lab, more a Rottweiler looking for his dinner type!)The fire and the glass-I just don't think 11 without an adult is the age to deal with it.

Why are people using 11 as a marker? Surely you use 12/13/secondary as one?

11 is secondary age in England and Wales. Many August born 11 year old children will be making their own way to and from school and coming home to an empty house from the start of secondary if they weren't already. A September born child in year 6 is only weeks or days younger.

@stayathomer i think that having access to mobile phones, alexa etc is one of those things that makes this stuff easier. DS one got a fright because I'd ordered Amazon groceries but was running late or forgot or something and because it had alcohol in it, the driver banged the doo r a few times. At the time, DS was told not to answer the door if we weren't there as it was when he first started staying alone for an hour or so. ANyway, he was totally panicked and rang me in a state. Amusingly, the driver was ringing me at the same time. So I landed up talking to both of them. Sadly, driver couldn't leave my stuff with DS due to the alcohol but kindly agreed to come bcak in 10 minutes after another delivery!

That might have been a more difficult experience 20 years ago. Although I guess, no amazon drivers delivering wine!

I also think that we can vastly underestimate our children's competence. Both DS and DD have had to navigate situations that were a bit more difficult and I've been really pleased by how both of them have handled it. DD gets very emotional but does it anyway. And DS just plods along to solve the problem.

Kids are often a lot more competent than you realise. 7 year old came to see me the other night and showed me how she’d repaired the hole in her teddy. We’ve had a bit of a go at sewing fun stuff together and she’s watched me repair things but I wouldn’t have realised she knew how to do that. She definitely can deal with breakages as we’ve practiced (shoes on, sweep into pile, no walking in room without shoes or sitting/kneeling on floor till mum or dad have checked and disposed of glass). I feel like that’s the kind of thing they need to have an idea about to be left alone in a room as otherwise what if their first reaction is to pick the bits up and they cut themselves. I guess we all
worry about things in different ways but to me stuff like knowing you can’t use the kettle/stove/sharp knives unsupervised and you know how to deal with spills/things breaking and you have some sense of risk awareness is all needed before kids are allowed to stay in a room alone while you are elsewhere in the house.

@stayathomer But your son did deal with it appropriately. He hid. It is probably what I would do if someone known locally as dodgy knocked on the door. I would not answer.
All children once they are old enough to be taught should know what to do if a smoke or fire alarm go off. Even if you are in the house you may be trapped by a fire or overcome with smoke. You should never work on the assumption that an adult will be able to help them. So basically get out, and knock on neighbours or ring 999.
I am not sure what an adult could do about a bit scary rottweiler except ring the police. All you can do is stay in the house and ring someone for advice or help. I understand it is scary for a child, but what he did would not be any different if you were home.

@whatkatydid2014 I agree that children should be taught these things before being left in a room alone. Breakages are pretty common after all.
And that children are often more capable than we think. Your daughter did really well to mend her bear.

I really don’t understand how people are not bothered about a child being on their own for any length of time.
Imo 10 is too young to be left alone for any amount of time. I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids on their own. It’s called neglect!

Most people on the thread including the trained school support specialist don't think it's neglectful so it clearly isn't that simple.

Just because you would not yourself choose to do something doesn't mean it's bad.

There are many types of neglect. Many people would consider a failure to facilitate the development of age appropriate independence as a form of neglect.

Everyone has had their opinion and this is mine.
They’re 10! They are still a proper child. They’re not even in secondary school 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m all for encouraging development but 10 is not a safe age to be home alone.

If you don’t agree, that’s fine I’m happy for you to disagree. You do you. I’ll do me.

I’m entitled to my opinion thanks, just like everyone else has.
Not sorry that I don’t want to leave my 10yr old on his own at home. And funnily enough, his dad thinks the same. Horses for courses.
If I knew that someone was regularly leaving a juvenile alone, that young, I’d report them.

So clearly, you are not happy for others to disagree with you if you'd waste resources by reporting other parents. What about just a year older in secondary school when many children are home alone after school five days a week as there is no wrap around?

My opinion is that up to a couple of hours for an 8 or 9 year old child is fine if the child is in a safe environment and is capable of remaining so.

So not "horses for courses" or agree to disagree sy all. Your way is the only way.

I agree with a pp though. It's a form.of neglect not to encourage independence

@Kalevala 8 or 9??? lol bloody hell luv 🤦🏻‍♀️ And I have no problem with people having different opinions to me. Sometimes it makes the eyes open a bit wider but I’m not going to be quiet just because I don’t fit in with everyone else’s narrative. Even if a teacher or whoever else says it’s ok, I’d still rather my opinion. I have my own opinion on this as do everyone else.

@SavBlancTonight

Yes horses for courses.
You can all do what you think is ok, as can I. But if I think my way is better then of course I’m going to say yes! Because it’s my opinion. They’re like arseholes. We all have one.

The issue here is that for some reason, I’m not allowed to share my opinion because it’s different to everyone else and because I called out on it.

Btw, I love MN. I usually come for the comments but seeing this subject come up again I had to pop a spoon in the pot

@Kalevala 8 or 9??? lol bloody hell luv

Yes, most children will be capable at that age. Unless the environment is unsafe like I said. Social services guidelines where we were living when DS was that age considered it appropriate.

Social services guidelines where we were living when DS was that age considered it appropriate.

In that case I’ll say fair enough because I haven’t been in that position with anyone to tell me this.
Personally, I’d still rather not leave my kids alone at home but I’ll not be so quick to judge moving forward.

I don’t usually tell mums they’re wrong in what they do but I discovered last week that my sons been groomed online. So I’m probably a bit more heightened on security right now.

Take care