I don't know if this post is partly in response to my comment, but I'm thinking it might be. As per previous, I'm autistic myself so often get these things wrong, so honestly I have no idea 🤦🏻♀️ I'm going to assume that it might be as mine was one of the later comments on this subject.
If it is, then my primary objection wasn't that the word neurospicy trivialises the difficulties faced by those who are genuinely neurodivergent - although it does, as perfectly described by @Puffalicious. My main issue is the fact that people claiming ND when they aren't often causes genuine harm to those who are.
Although everyone talks about awareness and acceptance, the fact is that it's not really improving. Look at MN - there's a whole series of threads solely devoted to how awful neurodivergent people are. And there are so many inaccuracies and unpleasant comments about ND people - when actually the undesirable behaviours described are typically nothing to do with neurodivergence. And the more people that get diagnosed as ND, the worse the public perception seems to get. The fact that women who were missed as children are now getting a diagnosis seems to have led to a widespread dismissal of neurodivergence as a genuine condition - even more than before.
I've seen a significant number of people bandy around the excuse of "neurospicy" as a means of explaining really unpleasant behaviour. About things that are nothing to do with neurodivergence, but are being claimed as such by people who define themselves as neurospicy. They don't self-identify as autistic or ADHD, just neurospicy.
And then of course what happens is that the general public sees this and it perpetuates the belief that neurodivergence is all made-up bollocks. Invisible disabilities get a really rough ride, ADHD even more so than autism, and that's why we have to be really scrupulous about how we present ourselves.
So, yes, I think it matters when people put themselves under an umbrella, when by doing so they harm the community of people they claim to belong to.
With DC who are ND you are already very aware of the lack of tolerance out there. That's why it matters, and that's why it's important.
I also disagree re self-diagnosis. In every single ND group I'm in, self-diagnosis is embraced and accepted. I know many adults (women) who don't want to go through the stress of diagnosis but describe themselves as autistic.
I suspect the fact you're not diagnosed yourself but believe that you are ND means you're also quite sensitive to criticism of the term because it feels like a personal attack. I can't speak for anyone else, but my dislike of the word has nothing to do with excluding anyone who believes they are neurodivergent but aren't diagnosed.
None of this is about not allowing people in the "club". Due to the waiting times and the difficulties in accessing professionals, self-diagnosis is widely and almost universally accepted within the community.
But when autistic and neurodivergent people are having to work very, very hard to be treated fairly and to be taken seriously, perception really matters.
I've seen many, many people describe themselves as neurospicy even though they don't believe that they're "fully" autistic, ADHD, DCD, etc.
As I said earlier, it's akin to the awful, oft-repeated "everyone is a little bit autistic" mantra - which is so, so harmful to the ND community because it encourages people not to make reasonable adjustments or accommodations because well, they don't like noise either and that's just the same kind of thing, right?! If they can put up with it, then autistic people should do so too. And so on.
We obviously don't agree and that's fine. It's nothing to do with pissing on other people's yards. I only commented to describe to another poster the recent prevalence of the term, and why some autistic individuals are so opposed to its use. And also, crucially, I did defend your right to use the phrase if it's something that you like.
I didn't comment to ask you to stop using the word - I was providing an explanation to posters who haven't heard of the phrase before. I said earlier and I'll say it again, it's up to you what words you use to describe yourself.
A large chunk of the autistic community deeply dislike the "I have autism" phrase as opposed to "I'm autistic" - but there are still some that prefer the "have" terminology - so if people can't agree on that fairly simple descriptor, I don't imagine for a second that they'll be a universal agreement on "neurospicy" any time soon 😅
You're not going to change my mind any more than I'm going to change yours so we can agree to disagree on this.
Also, if it's any consolation I hate the word chillax even more than neurospicy 😅
Good luck with the situation with your SIL. Lots of good advice on here and sounds as if your DH has it all in hand when he visits next. Hope it works out in the end.