DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

This with bloody bells on.
An 8 year old, were not talking about a toddler.

1. He shouldn't have been in the house.
2. He was literally opening the toy!!

As pp has said that's not impulsive. It's not like he was passing to go to the loo, saw the toy and picked it up for a quick look, which would be forgivable and fall under the 'impulsive and inquisitive ' category.

At what age, pray tell, are children in this day and age expected to be able to follow rules? 10? 15?
My 4 year old can follow rules better than most of y'alls 8 year olds clearly

I actually think calling him out on inappropriate remarks is teaching your kids to stick up for things they know are wrong as well.

You say your youngest is a follower so one way to teach him not to be is to say to the kid in front of your kids " that's not ok. We don't talk/think like that." Regarding whatever the comment is.

Your kids will feel more comfortable calling out shitty behaviour if they see you do it.

That said I'm a big believer in the philosophy show me your friends and I'll show you your future. Do you want your son to behave like this kid? If not, then I wouldn't be encouraging this friendship.

No, the nosy kid does not come across well opening someone else's toy and destroying it.

Do you understand the idea of a nanny cam?

If you don't want small children inside the house, lock the door

If you know that a particular child is a bully, don't give him free reign

This is on you, OP, your mistakes, your fault

As the adult, I know I hold the majority of the responsibility for this situation

i just wanted to know how to deal with the situation next steps is all.

my parents brought me up to accept responsibility for where I failed to meet my responsibilities or where I have made mistakes, something which is sadly looking to be less common in the younger generations coming forward clearly

This thread is the epitome of classic mumsnet..
People jumping on OP trying to twist things.
Give me strength.
I'm surprised anybody posts on here for advice as a lot of people try to demonise OPs and come up with these wild theories.

Thanks for this, it’s really got me reevaluating how I’ve been approaching my children’s friendships and how I’m not advocating for them properly.

thank you to the previous posters as well who have said similar things as it’s really got my mind ticking today

You do hold ALL the responsibility, not the majority, imo

If you want to chat to the bully's parents and tell them what happened and what their son did, you can.....but YOU allowed the situation to unfold as it did....therefore the parents would be entitled to say 'sod off'

Also - you'd have to admit to an indoor camera 🫨🫨

Oh come off it! The title says hid, the toy was not hidden at all!

The whole story about the five year old saying this that and whatever, but actually it was all on camera.

The I forgot because my posts were "clunky" as to why the massive pieces of information were missed, whilst posting extremely long and articulate posts!

It all doesn't add up.

I'm sure OP will jump on this post, with a "not you again" answer.

Maybe explain the title "hid it"?

What’s wrong with an indoor camera that films my private property?

do you also have issues with shops with indoor CCTV?

I did explain what I meant by hid it, please check the previous posts my dear

and oh not you again! 🫡

lol I never understood the backlash until now!

im not even a rabid precious parent

ive taken responsibility multiple times

ive just posted to ask how to handle the next steps about reassuring my kids and possibly speaking to the child

wild theories is right! If I wasn’t mentally secure then this would send me insane lol.

@Snowstorming

You say this toy is the first treat since last July. So no Christmas celebrations etc…
They were supposed to be outside having snacks.

You have a nanny cam.
You have lots of clutter, hence children were supposed to be outside.

I get the impression that it’s more annoyance over the child involved. You can invite/host whoever you like at your house - but yes I think swearing/deception over toy is unacceptable - so don’t offer to host again.

In terms of the toy, could you gumtree/ebay some of the clutter and buy a different toy? Or use the saved money you would have spend on snacks for the child? I personally wouldn’t approach the parents as I think there could be a backlash over : why was he able to access scissors/climb on furniture to access scissors.

I think it's deeply weird to film family members inside a private residence. I'm assuming family members love and trust each other?

CCTV outside the home (to film potential burgulars/vandals) and within shops (to film potential burgulars/vandals) is pretty standard.

I would watch him like a hawk around your younger child. Nevermind the toy!

We don’t celebrate Christmas and I’m not a Christian.

also by clutter I mean things that need organising as I’ve been sorting out the whole house. So boxes of stuff, clothes, books, etc that need sorting. Hope this makes more sense now x

Oh yes! Family members love each other and trust each other. I have never heard of an incident where a relative abused, hurt or broke the trust of another family member. It’s only the Greggs pasty thieves that I should be worried about.

What I find incredulous is the (at least) 3 different versions of what happened, the fact that the biggest dripfeed (the perp caught on camera!) in the history of dripfeeds came only after posters started to say "probably the 5 year old" as did all the comments about how awful the guest and his family are.

Yet there he was, invited to her house, and her not keeping an eye on him, or her own 5 year old to the point they could go into the house (the forbidden house) and obtain scissors. While they were filmed.

She wants to think herself lucky and keep her trap shut.

If my child had been filmed and not watched to the point of obtaining scissors in somebody else's house, the toy would be the last of her worries.

Have you read her many and varied versions of events. You might need pen and paper to take notes as she changes the narrative so often.

This.

You are showing yourself up more with every post.

You probably think raising children with manners and boundaries is abuse too. I’m sure teachers would love these boundaries 👏🏽 “No Johnny, please don’t leave your seat and scribble on your friend’s books. Johnny! Please sit down, please please!”

I have already reiterated that my responsibility was just as important and that I should have done better. But honestly speaking my 8 year old wouldn’t vandalise other’s property and even if he did, I’d take responsibility as a parent.

Has a young person in your care vandalised someone else’s property? Is that why you are so offended?

Oh dear, however will I sleep at night 😢 I need your approval, I really do!