DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

There are very fundamental inconsistencies, though.And more than one!

Firstly, I'm sorry I don't buy your account that you're on the bones of your arse and can't afford to replace the toy when you've got the wherewithal and perceived requirement for internal and external video surveillance all over your house..

Kid sounds badly behaved though so no need to invite him back.

I absolutely wouldn't be asking the parents for money. You also don't know the circumstances which lead the toy to be opened and it's likely your 5 year old was involved somehow. It will no doubt will be the counter argument from the main culprit that your DS asked him to open the toy. In the end, it is unlikely that he meant to break it, so it's just one of those things. Toys get broken.

not being Christian doesn’t make me non-religious… what are you talking about? Some people on here 😵‍💫

So I and many other Mumsnetters will often change small details to avoid too much risk of being identified but what do you genuinely think I’m getting out of making a whole story up? I am not on here asking for £18 vouchers to reimburse my child. I’m asking for parenting advice.

stop taking dumb things so seriously, it really makes me feel sorry for you. You wrote a whole paragraph just to accuse a randomer of lying about their child’s experiences 🤔

@Snowstorming you're throwing a lot of insults about a d inferring everyone who questions you are inadequate parents.

Attack may be your best form of defence, but it's you that messed up.

Many strange things here:

1. That is a weird present for an 8yo boy.
2. Sending kids home to wee!?! Our neighbour will wee at our house if he's playing, I'm not watching him home and back to save a quick spray-wipe in the bathroom after the playdate.
3. It's raining almost non-stop, what was the plan if it rained 20 min into the playdate?
4. Kids gifts at parties are always left out, mine is 6 and I haven't seen gift piles messed with since they were 3.
5. Scissors and knives are accessible to 8yo all the time, they aren't toddlers and can open drawers.
6. Buying a kid a new gift but not opening it!!
7. Inviting a child who hit your child to a party.
8. Nanny cam.

I dunno OP, might be better to just fix the toy and move on. Next time supervise the kids if you're bringing any old rough child into the mix.

Why can’t you take a bit of your own medicine? 🫡

1. please elaborate why it is a weird present? Please, please do.
2. yes, this is normal on our street because the kids can literally cross over to their own house and go for a wee. They’re playing outside together, not in each other’s houses.
3. it didn’t rain. What do our plans have to do with the point of this post? My kids have played outside with the neighbours almost every day this past week. It doesn’t rain nonstop.
4. Ok?
5. ok?
6. Yes, he didn’t ant to open it straight away as he likes “enjoying” the rare treats he gets. Also why would we come home and open a new toy when he is going out to play with friends?
7. kids make mistakes, sort of the point of my post already.
8. yes, that is how we spell nanny cam, what about it?

Goodness me! You do like your drip feeds.

OK.....well if you believe someone within your family is being abused, and a visible camera downstairs will alleviate that, then fair point

This thread has gone from a 'hidden' toy to potential child abuse 😬

Did you not have any school lessons on reading comprehension?

is it not true that child abuse can occur within families, along with other abuse too

@Snowstorming what medicine??

You've never heard of abuse by family members? Clearly you live in a no news bubble.

It's weird because you state that your kid doesn't get many presents and had nothing for Christmas. Then instead of lego, superhero character toys, hot wheels, remote control cars, balls, or all the other things his peers will play with too (most of which are hardy and don't break), you get him a toy designed for 4yo girls playing alone, which is clearly fragile with poor reviews on quality. If he had loads of other toys and this was something he fancied, fab. But apparently he doesn't have much and you can't afford to replace breakages, so why didn't you steer him towards sonething that's both robust and suitable to play with along with his mates?

@Snowstorming

I don't think your phone has clarified the confusion about why your 5 year old seems to have lied to you.

1. You saw the children coming out.

2. Your 5 year old says the 8 year old cut the packaging then "ran out of the house"

3. The CCTV and nanny cam both saw your son leaving the house before the other child

4. You say that your son left halfway through the process

5. You say your son was there the whole time.

4+5 are said in the same post btw.

Your initial language about your 5 year old is interesting. He "admitted" what had happened but was "adamant" it was the other child. And then when people began pointing out that that sounds very much like a passing the blame onto someone not there to defend themselves lo and behold, the filmed evidence comes into play.

Did you ask the 5 year old

A) why he went inside (against the rules!) with the 8 year old? The CCTV will show them going in (as it showed them coming out) How was he forced into going in with the other child? Could you see that he was going in against his will?

B) What the other child said to him to force him to tell him where the (carefully hidden in a very out of the way place) scissors were? How does the 5 year old know where the scissors are if you have hidden them carefully so small children can't get at them?

She's trying to be sarcastic tbf.

I don’t think the boy will come back to play for a while.

But if and when he does, if you don’t want to let this go, you could talk to him kindly on his own, in a way that is helpful to him, rather than in an accusatory way.
Simply point the toy out to him and say something like ….By the way, I wish you had come to me as soon as you accidentally cut through this wire and broke the toy and told me what happened. It’s always better to be up front and honest when you make a mistake like this rather than ignoring it. And all you ever need to do is say I’ve made a mistake and I’m very sorry and then the grown ups can put it right and we can all move on happily.

Then he may just scuttle away in embarrassment or he might try to apologise or he might just deny it all in which case you say OK and nothing more because, for your own boy’s sake, you don’t want to make it a big thing and alienate him.
Whatever he does will show you what sort of upbringing he is having ….and he’s just a child after all.

Or you could just forget it all and move on.

Quite. No mention of her DD when she was looking at moving into a 3 bed with her 2 twin boys and baby. No mention of her son's apparent twin here but mentions another son too. Something's fucky here... Or is it just OPs "clunky" writing style 😂

Good point 🤔

Wow... Sexist much?

Toys aren't gendered - that's something people add (or not).

Not all children are the same.

My dd liked "boys" toys. Should I have "steered" her away from things she actually wanted to things she didn't because she's a girl, and her friends might like them better? Why?

Jewish children don't get Christmas presents. Many Muslims don't either - and as it's currently Ramadan, it could be that OP is Muslim and got her children gifts at a time that suits her faith, not Christianity.

Your points in this post are all about your biases and assumptions. Not everyone is the same.

People are desperately picking apart OP’s story rather than taking it at face value. That’s MN these days.

I would simply ask the 8y old about it and see what he says. If he doesn’t admit it and apologise I wouldn’t let him in my house again. I see no issue raising it with him directly. I would also say that insults like ‘gay’ are not allowed in this garden.

The 8y old is in the wrong and it sounds like the parents have done a poor job in teaching him the basics. So I feel a bit sorry for him too.

You clearly missed the sarcasm.

Op has already explained he "hid it" in the sense that he came back out of the house, didn't tell her what he'd done, and carried on playing like nothing had happened.

Yes "hid" can mean he hid the physical item, but in this case it means he hid his actions.