DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

Ok let’s imagine that I’m actually as thick as you want me to be and I’m pretending to make up a really pointless scenario. What are you getting out of responding? Why would you feed a supposed troll?

Mind boggling 🤨

@Snowstorming ban him from the house? Looks like that was already in place. Honestly who refers to it as a play date when they aren't allowed in the house and have to go back to their own homes in they need the toilet or want a drink. Yes you are being unreasonable, if you didn't want things played with on a play date or kids being in your home you should have been watching them all.

Hmmm... I wouldn't automatically assume the 5yos innocence in this. OF COURSE he's going to blame the other child, who isn't there, when he sees that mum is cross and his brother is upset.

Annoying as this is, it was an accident. Whoever did it, obviously didn't MEAN to cut through the wires and break it. This was a lapse in supervision on your part and of course the children weren't going to confine themselves to outside. Especially the one who lives there. They are going to wonder in for drinks, the toilet, a rest.

Really, I don't think anyone is particularly to blame here. It's just one of those things that happens with kids sometimes.

Also very interesting that you didn’t realise it had been caught on camera until after you had commented and another poster pointed it out to you. If that prompted you to confirm when and why that point was made, maybe the OP isn’t the only one who’s defensive ?

Sigh😒. If your child needs a high level of supervision like that then you should go with your child wherever they go.

Do you really think I didn’t know that ?😇

I didn't expect all other toys to cope with the scissor attacks, i was separately commenting that it's an odd choice for an 8yo who is only allowed one gift per year. She gave the shop, description and price of £18. The toys on leads priced £12-25 all have reviews stating how they stopped working. We happened to have looked at similar for my niece but decided they were not good enough quality.

Do you know what doxxing is?!!

People have ASed her and are pointing out ‘inconsistencies’. No one with any sense would ever keep details consistent on here.

I mean, look at the state of so many of the posts on here?!

I think you need to step away. So many of your posts have been reported.

As your younger child was also involved, you can’t really complain to the parents. I also don’t think you will get any joy out of them. I would be wary of the friendship though as most 8 year olds would know this was wrong and wouldn’t do it especially without asking your DS first. It isn’t as though they knocked Something by accident.

I would message the mum nicely, to explain what he's done, and that it will cost £18 to replace. Explain the nanny cam recorded him doing it. See what she says. If they refuse to pay, I'd actually ban him from my house, they can only play outside.

This thread is unreal. The OP is not providing a defence in a court of law. She simply asked for advice on what to do after her kid's friend damaged a new toy, e.g. contact the parents or just chalk it up to experience. A reasonable question and not an uncommon one for parents!

OP I'm not sure what I would do - possibly message the parents and explain that DS is a bit upset as [friend] opened his new toy with scissors and cut through the wiring (possibly with a pic), then see if they offer to replace. However if you think that would lead to a load of aggro I'd possibly just chalk it up to experience, and not have the boy round again (or watch him like a hawk if you do).

I'm not saying you should discipline your 5 year old or 'crucify' the 8 year old?!!

The point I'm making is that if there's any doubt in your mind that the 8 year old accidentally damaged the toy, trying to open it because the 5 year old invited him in and asked him to open it for him, then I think you need to leave it well alone. If your 5 year old had an active role in this until it all went tits up then ran out and blamed the 8 year old, the there's too much doubt about intentions to actively do anything about it. You could always ask the 8 year old about it if you wanted clarification?

On a side note, and this is a personal aside, I think if it's extremely rare that you buy your kids toys (fair enough), you should let them BOTH have what they want when they do get a chance, letting your 8 year old have what they want and then having to spend 20 minutes 'convincing' your 5 year old to have something entirely different, even though the one he was 'insisting' on was a different variation anyway, you're always going to have problems with resentment and jealousy, knowing this is what happened puts a different spin on what happened and I think it would be pretty normal for a 5 year old to try and play with this toy at all costs because it's what he really wanted and wasn't allowed to have it.

You seem personally invested in nitpicking

and lol at being “allowed” one toy a year 🤣🤣🤣 do you not understand what someone being unable to afford something means?

Anyone criticising the gift the 8y old chose is posting like an absolute idiot. It’s irrelevant. As if the OP’s religion. Take a look at yourselves!

You haven't read or understood what I wrote...

I said you didn't allow the younger sibling to have the toy they wanted only because it was a slightly different variation of what the older one had chosen. To an adult that makes sense, but to a 5 year old, that seems incredibly unfair and is bound to cause jealousy and resentment.

I'm not judging affordability, but the time frame is relevant because it's quite a rare treat, I don't have a problem with that personally as it makes it more special and I had this growing up, we only got to choose toys on our birthdays, so if I was told I couldn't pick a toy I really wanted because an older sibling had a slightly different version of it already (and most likely wouldn't let me play with it!) then I'd be quite upset to be made to pick something I didn't really want, I'm not sure why it hasn't occurred to you that it could potentially cause a problem for the 5 year old?

It doesn't change the outcome of what's happened, but it puts more emphasis on the motivation behind it, it sounds to me like the 5 year old really wanted to play with it.

The kid was already banned from the house and she wasn't watching them properly

If my 8yo had done this I would want to know as they would be paying for it from spends/their own birthday money etc. it’s not unusual 8yo behaviour but consequences are needed imo

i Also don’t care if op worships faires, it is of no relevance to the post

I wouldn’t care if they were on a nanny cam that is known about (notice in the door) and I don’t think op has done anything wrong…

I'll have to point out here that a number of primary and secondary schools have CCTV cameras in corridors and outside spaces so that they can be checked when incidents happen and you feel you're not getting the whole truth from individuals involved!

@itsnotyouagain I'll have to point out that what they do is up to them but to be under surveillance by your own parent is not acceptable IMO.

Newsflash: children break stuff. Particularly when they’re not supervised.

It clearly wasn’t intentional. You can’t take out your anger issues and frustration with financial circumstances on a child.

If he lies and swears then don’t invite him round, but this could have happened to any boy.

You really do have to suck it up. You weren't supervising them. It was an accident. I don't think you should even show it to the child's parents - it may cause ill feeling. You could try taking toy back to shop? They might just be sympathetic...

Yes hun, I’m conducting an intelligence surveillance operation on my children. Glad you and I are on the same page x

Honestly yesterday I felt so desperately sad for DS8 and so guilty for letting it happen that I was tempted to take it back to the shop but it makes me feel grabby and dishonest tbh, so I have taken that option out of my mind now!

@Snowstorming oh hun you're on every page! Some of us have more pressing things to do than be on every page!