DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

Absolutely this ^

@Snowstorming please stop replying to the batshit crazy replies you’re getting. After reading some of these replies I no longer wonder why there are so many badly behaved children.

Of course you’re not responsible for this appalling behaviour of your DSs friend. I’d be furious too and would ban this child from my house whether he admitted it or not. At the very least, he’s extremely impulsive.

However there is a risk asking him directly because he might tell his parents you yelled at him etc. And there is no point in talking to the parents unless you know them well and trust them to respond in a productive and helpful manner.

he is not "clearly" telling the truth. He might be telling the truth,. but unless there are special needs in play, of course a five year old can lie like this, and most probably would!

If your 8 year old needs that much watching then you should go everywhere with Jim and watch him. My 13 year old daughter has no impulse control so she doesn't go anywhere alone.

Horrible about your son's 'friend'. It sounds as if you already had good reason to be wary and now ought to be trying to draw a line under the friendship.

I don't know whether you'll get the money back, but I think it's worth telling the boy's parents what happened in case they offer to pay. But I definitely don't advise showing them the video footage - I think you're on shaky ground there as far as the law goes (recording other people's children without their permission etc.)

How are they being controlled?
I know OP hasn't explained but a friend of mine has CCTV around her home in a couple of spaces as she was formerly in a very bad relationship. For her it offers a reassurance and a safety net during drops offs and pick ups. She literally never reviews or watches the footage, it's actually kind of forgotten about. I think for the most part if people have taken these steps, there's a reason for it.

OP, you have received some vicious comments on here. I can't believe the amount of people who think this is normal behavior for an 8 year old. He should see definitely know better at that point. Personally, I would stop having him round for playdates, he has proven he can't be respectful in your home.

No shit Sherlock. Perhaps the OP has been beaten over the head with this misinformation enough now. She didn’t ’leave’ them anywhere -the play date was in the garden, where she was supervising. They sneaked in, and rather than the OP handing them the scissors (which you’re implying here) the older boy stood on something to get them after her DS told them where they were kept.

Who’s Jim ?

It was the "I left all the knives out for them to juggle with" and the "I left them play with all the medication I had" that I was more shocked about!

Oh, hold on, are we not just making stuff up now???

A mistake isn't going into someone else's house and opening the packaging of a brand new item. Eight year olds know you shouldn't do that .

I’d say he was clearly telling the truth if the OP has nanny cam footage to back up what he told her.

I have a nanny cam in my
living area/front kitchen and it shows the incident clearly happening

I really hope you have made the parents aware of this. I wouldn't let my child go to a house where they were being filmed.

Are you muslim op? dont the kids get toys at eid? when do they get given toys?? I have to admit i do find it a little off to buy an 8 year old boy an electronic animal unless its a dino robot or something. Ofcourse boys and girls can play with whatever they want but did he ask for that?

@Snowstorming I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time here. I’d be furious if this happened in my house. The toy might have been a present that you’d bought for someone.
I would mention it to his parents and hope that they’d pay for it. If my kid had done this I’d be mortified.

Typical batshit crazy MN replies about it!

For fuck’s sake?!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

From what I’ve read so far, we starting making up stuff some time ago !! In record time too - normally happens further downthread as people can’t be bothered reading and rely on the more recent comments. I’ve seen posters 20 or so pages in turning the whole OP on its head and arguing from the complete opposite of what was posted !! If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s someone’s actual life it would be very entertaining.

The kid wasnt even supposed to be in the house so Id hope you would tell your child not to enter anyones property uninvited before worrying about personal cameras in someones own home.

So many people picking apart op's story. If you have it on camera and you know the 8 year old did it then I'd mention it to the parents. The child basically helped themselves to an unopened toy that didn't belong to them. It wasn't impulsive as they had enough time to know it was unopened and they needed scissors. What if was a gift for another child's birthday?

It sounds like it was a joint enterprise to me. All 3 kids were involved and the friend might have been the one who made the cut, but DS gave him the scissors. It’s not fair to pin this solely on the friend, they’ll all deserve to face the consequences. Yes, at 8 they know they shouldn’t do it and they’ll know it was wrong. There’s a reason why the age of criminal responsibility is 10. It’s because a child lacks the self-control to make sensible choices before that age, even if they know it’s wrong.

How did the 8 year old know about the toy in the first place? I’m going to assume your 5yo told him about it and he suggested they go inside to open it. I doubt he intentionally broke it, he probably panicked when he did and wasn’t sure what to do. I think I’d have also panicked at that age if I broke a friends new toy.

Since he comes from an affluent background and you can’t afford to replace it, I’d probably approach his parents to request a replacement.

This is a suck it up situation I think. I would however call out the insults using a gay slur... I have done this with a child in my house (not his fault, he is actually a lovely boy but has a spectacularly ignorant stepdad who I've also admonished for using a racist epithet in my house). We had a child steal some little toys that I found as we were giving him a lift home. I took them from his pocket and told him if he wanted to borrow them, he could ask but if he didn't he would look like he was stealing (which he clearly was attempting to do). My children sidelined him on their own. I have also had an expensive repair to a guitar caused by a visiting child. I fumed but just got it repaired despite telling all the kids they weren't allowed to touch them at all, it happened. There was no point speaking to his Mother, she would have denied it even if I had a nanny cam (she's potty and indulgent of her angel child: he can actually do no wrong, hence the mean kid) The difficulty for you is that the scissors were 'available'. You should of course be able to leave stuff about at their age imho but that could come back on you. Sorry it happened though, I know it feels horrible. The stuff we had broken and damaged over the years here is legion and when it's such a deliberate act as this it's particularly unpleasant.

i have used my Mumsnet account over the years to post my own life events and also that of other people.

Also, the above is relevant separately, but I would also like to add that children don’t live forever. Sad as it is, maybe your Sherlock Holmes moment needed a reality check.

i will regularly change details on Mumsnet if I do post but the situation remains the same. Do you also need my National Insurance number to prove I am a real human? Lol.

He didn’t just ask, he insisted for this toy. It wasn’t my first choice and I had to spend 20 minutes convincing DS5 to choose something different as he wanted one too (but I don’t see the point of buying two of the same, I think it’s nicer to have different things so when they get bored they can swap).

Also it wasn’t the toy that a PP had posted, it was just similar. It wasn’t a fluffy white puppy lol.

What on earth has this got to do with anything ?

This is so funny!
please can you point out where I exonerated my own child 😂 you’ve given me a right laugh on my commute today, thank you

just a disclaimer -

for people picking apart the story and assuming i am finding it really fun to write a fake story on Mumsnet when I could be using my free time to clean up the damn clutter (lol bane of my life), then please carry on because I’m actually finding it really hilarious that your mind is
preoccupied with such nonsense

for the ones who are taking it to another level altogether and questioning my religion or the amount of living or biological children I currently have, you need help, that’s all I can think of

i originally posted for parenting advice and thank you Mumsnet for providing it to me because it’s been really helpful and I appreciate the different perspectives from everyone 🥰