To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

They should have thought about sleeping arrangements before they booked. I’d just say no. Why should you be responsible for someone else’s child on your break whilst judy and her DH get every night child free

Oh and if your sister brings it up again just laugh at her like she deserves…

”oh my god…you weren’t joking?! Of course I’m not going to let some random girl sleep in my son’s bed. On what planet does that even make sense…Not going to happen. I was sure that was a joke. Nobody in their right mind would agree to something that stupid”

It's when you are applying or in council accommodation you can apply for a house with an extra bedroom when one sibling of the opposite sex is over a certain age I believe.

when it comes to council accommodation, the council is obliged to allocate separate bedrooms for kids over 10 of opposite sex.
So if you have a girl and a boy, you are eligible for a 3 bed house for example. If you have 2 boys you are only eligible for a 2 bed house.

but that has got nothing to do with this situation.
But as someone who organises kids camps for 6-12 year olds, we are not allowed to have boys and girls sharing. So it breaks safeguarding protocol and good practice.

And they are suggesting they share not just a room, but a BED!

People are such weirdos. I wouldn’t tolerate any such intrusion. Tell sister/Judy -
no, our accomodation is private.

I have a just turned 14 year old girl. She'd be HORRIFIED at the idea of sharing a bed with an 8 year old boy she doesn't know, as would my 10 year old tbh. What a ridiculous suggestion all round

Two opposite sexed children with the oldest over 10 or whatever are technically classed as 'over crowded' so gives people extra points for housing lists but no law on the matter.

Just say no & keep saying no, a dd age 12 or 13 sharing a bed with a ds aged 8 is highly inappropriate . You also didn't pay the higher rate for better accommodation so you could share it with strangers. Let your sister share her kitchen space and suggest they either buy or borrow a fold out bed for their dd . She had no right to offer on your behalf, stand firm & hold your ground.

I'm annoyed that I even doubted myself for a second now.

It's my cousins wedding. Cousin, sister and Judy all worked together and are good friends. We might well end up having a meal out all together or a walk on the beach, but having the dd in with us is not on. I said straight away that I wasn't comfortable with ds sharing a bed with a child he doesn't even know. My sister's pov is that they're only children and SHE knows the family well therefore all is fine.

I don't want an atmosphere on what is going to be our holiday and I'm being guilt tripped.

You don't have to make it an issue. Infact, message Judy directly, see if she is aware of your sisters meddling and say your 8 year old son would not be comfortable sharing a BED with a 13 year old girl he doesn't know. I cant believe you are questioning this tbh.

Judy is an idiot to book accommodation that doesn't have space for her daughter.
That's her problem, not yours.

Just say no and refuse to discuss it further.

Turn it back on your sister and make her feel embarrassed, suggesting a 12 year old can share a bed with an 8 year old, particularly when they aren’t family and don’t no each other is grim and inappropriate.

I would very very very very rarely say 'no is a complete sentence'

Its normally said by mad types on here

It is completely appropriate in this case

NO!

A 13 year old girl is hardly likely to want to share a bed with a random little boy she's never met or even an apartment with a family she's never met. It's a really weird suggestion!! Send her an Amazon link to buy an air bed so the DD can sleep on the floor with her own parents. Cheeky Fuckery.

Er, no??

Remember that they have been fine with putting you in this awkward position by asking you this ridiculous request

I'm not even in contact with Judy. That how little I know her. We've spoke in passing a handful of times at a birthday party or when she's been at sister's house.

I'm angry at myself for doubting. This isn't the first time sister I've allowed my sis to talk me into things I haven't been comfortable with and I've rolled over to keep the peace or because I was made out to be difficult and unhelpful.

Trying to set me up on dates with weirdos when I was younger, setting up situations where there was a night out and leaving me to deal with strangers.

Your sister sounds like a prize class pain in the arse, @Applecrumbleandcustatd . Is she usually like this or did it come out of left field?

Edit: Just read that she has form. Ugh. Time to nip her behaviour in the bud.

Well quite. There'll be a thread soon about how a friend is pushing me to get my daughter to share a bedroom with her sisters family and Im not comfortable with it, what do I do.

Erm no. Please don't even entertain the idea of putting your child in bed with anyone he doesn't know & isn't completely comfortable with. All sorts of boundaries being broken there. I bet the 13 year old girl would be totally mortified.

What is wrong with people?

I just logged onto MN 5 minutes ago. This is the second thread where a woman has shown breathtaking entitlement to another woman's life and space and time and relationship (the other one is a MIL buying a holiday for her future DIL and telling her DS to share a bedroom with his young nephews and future DIL to share a bedroom with her!).

Where do these women get off? And why aren't these other women pushing back and telling them to just fuck off?!

Obviously my perspective is not an 'everyday' one but I work in a role where we see lots of allegations made and need investigating

So there are lots of issues here, not just about how the individual children feel but what would happen if say your son said the girl touched him, or she said he touched him, or she said one of you 2 adults touched her.

Sister has no idea about basic common sense. You dont share bedrooms with children that you dont know and you dont have children share beds, BEDS!!! with each other unless there are very clear understandings about the relationships they have/how they generally interact.

Quite! And surely when Judy booked the room with the hotel she would have asked for one that would accommodate a family of 3. Your DSis is getting involved in something that is none of her business!

But no one knows what Judy thinks or what she expected. She may well have booked the accomodation totally ok with the idea that her daughter would bed down on the sofa/chaise in the room they booked.

Sister has then come along and said to Judy 'oh that wont do, my sister will put her up, dont worry'

I don't think that sister and bils apartment has a sofa bed but I suspect that sister's true motive is to push me, Judy the husbands and the children together so that we all become friends. I doubt sister would mind Judy sharing their kitchen

Your old enough to decide who you want to be friends with.

This used to be more with social housing years ago but not so much now.