To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

I agree that only you should have keys to your accommodation - I'd make that clear to the people who run the apartment block, if you need to explain the situation - do it.

None of this is your fault.

Say you need some privacy from your sister and her friends if you need to.

You poor thing, this is awful.

This.

To be fair, keys usually need proof of payment to be issued though.

Good luck with the wedding and the holiday. Stay strong but don't get to feel you have to fight for your rights. This is something that simply can't happen - you are just being responsible, as the law requires (in effect).

Actually, you wouldn't be able to lock the door to keep your family safe, would you? To do so would deny Judy access to her daughter ... gosh this gets more unworkable by the second. I am sure the apartment block has some babysitting services if they are hoping for childcare.

Look after yourself - your first duty is to your family.

How about your sister takes her nephew into consideration for more than 1second, instead of trying to force him to share a bed with a total stranger! She is being really out of order here.

Hi, it’s probably been said already but there’s no way on this earth that my 12 year old grand daughter would want to sleep in the same bed as an 8 year old boy she’s never met, or even one she has met! Nor would her parents or any other relations suggest it.

Has your sister got ANY idea at all about pre teen girls and/or 8 year old boys? It’s not a fictional Enid Blyton adventure!

And no matter how wonderful all the people involved are, sadly we do need to think about safeguarding just in case anything is misunderstood or misreported at a later date.

Hope you have a great time and that your sister becomes un-huffy and slightly more in touch with reality.

🌷🌷🌷

Yes.
The more you think about it the more bonkers it is.
And Judy wouldn't be able to lock their door either or the girl couldn't get back to their room.
Would the Op want Judy or her partner having access to their room?

She's a 12 /13 year old probably with her own phone. I'm sure she'd be fine in her own hotel room for an hour or two if mum wants time to herself. No babysitter required.

The focus has mainly been on the girl and boy. Let's not forget the Ops DH will also be in the same room. Would you like your 13 yo DD sharing a room with an adult man you don't know, even with other people in the room. It's just not right.

I think we can safely say it won't be happening. Op doesn't want it happening. Neither of the children will want it to happen and Judy if she has any sense won't want it happening.

The only person who thinks it's a good idea is Ops Sister, who isn't impacted by it at all. Nor does she need to think about the safeguarding for either child or the adults involved.

Absolutely not a chance. Massive safeguarding risk, an 8 year old sleeping with an unknown 12 year old. Not a chance.

@Applecrumbleandcustatd you’ve said no and there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t think you need say more. The only issue is not knowing what your sister has told Judy. Additionally, are you certain sister can’t somehow change the booking by claiming you’ve agreed? Is there anywhere else you could book to avoid the whole bunch of them as it does sound like she’s planned your week. Partner has a friend like this, does my head in 🙄.

Absolutely not! For starters this is a really bad infringement of your sons right to privacy. She an almost teenage girl . She has a right to be consulted too. It's imposing on you and your husbands plans for a family holiday. If your sister hasn't got a sofa bed ,an air bed it is then. Actually I'm curious as to why she can't just share the room/ bed with her mother anyway?
You shouldn't agree to this!

Imagine if you had an 8 yo daughter, would your sister suggest her sharing with a 14 yo boy none of you know? I doubt it. It's not appropriate, and just downright weird.

You should be huffy with your sister. Tell her to not take decisions on your behalf. How old is your sister? Sounds like she needs a lesson in boundaries.

No no no. Can't believe anyone thinks this is ok and your sister is very strange to ask and tbh Judy as a mum I'm shocked she allow her dc to sleep with people she doesn't know.

We don't even know if Judy or her DD have agreed to it.
I suspect they might have given a 'thats a kind offer' 'maybe' 'we'll see' type answer but have zero intention of it happening.

The only person who seems to think it's a good idea is the sister - who isn't affected by it.

Any news Op?

Sister still hassling you?

Does she not consider that your husband & son may also have an opinion?

Tbh even if we could fit someone in we probably wouldn't unless one night for an emergency type situation.

Don't feel reluctant to suggest this idea to sister, she has dragged you in this situation, so it has something to do with you now.

Your sister is an attention seeker, who offers help outsiders to get brownie points but her caring nature disappear when it comes to family, strange that she doesn't care about own sister, nephew and brother in law.

Eeerm NO! what 13 year old girl would feel comfortable sharing a bed with an 8 yr old boy she doesn’t know anyway. Thing rings of safeguarding issues to me.
Be firm and point out how inappropriate this is.

Did you miss the bit in OP's post about the family wedding? Your reading and comprehension skills need some work. OP is not the weird one here

Absolutely what I was thinking. Cheeky bastards, hope OP sticks to her guns and the others learn a lesson from it.

Nothing much more has been spoken about it. She did WhatsApp me asking what we are doing about the wedding/apartment situation and if I could give her an answer asap (even though I already had) because Judy might have to change and lose her deposit (guilt trip). I politely told her no and I wouldn't change my mind, ds wasn't comfortable with it, and neither were we, I pointed out that it would be putting us all in a risky situation and also said that I didn't ask Judy and her family to book into the same place so didn't want to get involved, and she seemed to completely change her tone then and has backed off. In future I will be wiser and keep things to myself because it seems we can't be without drama.

I'm still quite taken aback at the replies. I think because I'm so used to this sort of behaviour over the years even though I know it's cheeky and inappropriate I've become used to it. Used to being made to feel uncomfortable and squirm and feel scared to say no.

I've been thinking about the amount of ridiculous requests, embarrassing and borderline dangerous situations she's put me in.

I thought about ranting about all the other things I've been asked to do but there wouldn't be any point.

What I do need to be though is 100% ok with saying no. You should be able to say no without worrying.

Solidarity to those of you who have family like this too.

It's insane expecting a 12 Yr old girl to share with an 8 year old boy who don't even know each other even if sister and brother it's pushing it, where is sisters child sleeping seeing as they also have apartment air bed or sofa bed it's surely better for sisters kid and Judy's to share , just keep saying no, you are not unreasonable, but your sister is

If Judy looses her deposit tough. She was daft enough to consider putting her DD in a very dodgy situation in the first place.

Name change fail 😬.

Good for you though OP. Glad to hear you’ve finally stuck up for yourself and your family.

It’s tough when the bully is your sister.

I don’t understand? The op doesn’t know Judy’s husband so why would she let Judy’s husband share a bed with her 8 year old. Not sarcasm at all .

Are you the OP?

If you change your name part way through, @Applecrumbleandcustatd your posts won’t change colour which will confuse people.