To not want child I don't know bunking in with us?

[Applecrumbleandcustatd]

We are going away soon to attend a wedding. Me, dh and our ds age 8. We are staying for a week as the wedding is quite far but in a great location so we decided to turn it into a holiday.

My sister and bil, and my sister's friend (I'll call her Judy) and Judy's dh and child, are also attending the wedding and will be staying in the same accommodation. It's a large B&B house with individual rooms/apartments.

I don't know Judy other than to say hello (this is relevant).

Dh and I booked our accommodation first, it's a one bed apartment with kitchen and sofa bed in the lounge for our son. We told my sister about it and she and her dh booked another of the apartments and decided to also make a few days of it too, fine.

Sister told Judy about the B&B and Judy then booked up the last room. Judy's room is only a double room rather than an apartment. My sister has told Judy that her dd can bunk in with us for the week and share the sofa bed with our ds. Also that Just can share our kitchen.

The dd is 12 or 13 afaik. We don't know Judy or the dd. I've spoken to Judy in passing but I've never even met the child.

I've said no but my sister is saying I'm being selfish as Judy hasn't got room and the dd will have to sleep on an airbed.

Clearly your sister has no idea what could go wrong. You need to protect your DS and DH - no -12 yo girls in your room. It's not right for any of you. It's not about whether or not the girl is lovely (I'm sure she is) - it's just not reasonable.

The other girl will need to have a camp bed or air bed. She would probably get better sleep on that than sharing it with a wriggling 8 yo anyway!

Erm, I think that you are the weird one and I don't think that you can read very well.

It's my cousins wedding. My cousin, my sister and my sister's friend Judy all worked together and are good friends.

As the wedding is in a lovely location my husband and I decided to stay for the week and booked accommodation.

I told my sister what we'd done just in normal conversation and SHE took it upon herself to book into the same place and to also make a week of it. My SISTER also took it upon herself to involve her friend.

I didn't ask them to, but I had no problem with it either only that now my sister has overstepped the mark well and truly. If I'd known what she was going to ask I'd have probably kept quiet about our plans.

Your sister is being very presumptuous and rather free with your space.

And I'd tell her so.

Not happening, end of. I know what it's like when you're dealing with someone pushy. Neither child would be happy with that, in any case.

Remember this next time she starts pushing something on you too. Enjoy the holiday.

This. How bloody weird that your sister is volunteering YOUR apartment/HER friend’s child onto you!!
Plus I would imagine the girl in question would be mortified by these arrangements.

YANBU

I hope you are able to keep your apartment for your family. It’s ok to do this. You don’t have to have others I. Your space!

Have I read it right? Is the OP's DS friend, proposing that two unrelated children, who have never met can share a sofa bed through convenience and to save money?

I thought it was not legal for children of the opposite sex with that age group. Even if it is not I would NEVER, ever, agree to this. Who knows what the children are like. One of my boys was bullied at school. I found him in a heap of sand with his eyes, nose, mouth and ears full of it, yet you would not know those kids were capable of anything.

Maybe start with Biff, Chip and Kipper, and work up to reading a Mumsnet thread. You’ve come a cropper a bit here, haven’t you?

Are you the OPs sister? You certainly sound like it.. 😳😳😳

you are definitely not being unreasonable! Your sister can accommodate her friend's kid in her apartment... or swap with her friend! Apart from anything else getting a 12/13 year old girl to share with a boy she doesn't even know is so inappropriate!!

If I had an 8 year old DS I definitely wouldn’t want him to share a bed with a 12 year old girl he’s never met. It seems very inappropriate, in fact it’s making me feel uncomfortable just thinking about it! These are people you don’t know and there’s too much potential for something to go wrong and for you or DS to get blamed for it. That might sound paranoid but I know of somebody whose DD accused her younger step brother of touching her inappropriately but it was all lies because she had mental health health issues. (I’m not blaming the girl, by the way, I wouldn’t dream of shaming anyone for MH - it’s just relevant to what happened). On a practical note though, I’m sure the place you’re staying could provide a fold-out bed of some kind so the DS can sleep in his parents’ room.

You don’t need to explain yourself and when you get there, don’t let your sister try to force Judy’s dd on your outings. She sounds like a total pita.

I wouldn’t worry about it - I always look out for comments from OldPerson just for a laugh because they always have something obnoxious and unsympathetic to say that shows total lack of understanding for either the topic being discussed or for human beings in general! Don’t take it personally xx

Hell no! Judy can look after her own kid for the week - or offer to swap and you have a week off from your kid! However what if the kids don’t get on?!
nooooooo! Just say “that doesn’t work for me, end of”

If I was your sisters friend I would be saying my 12 yo is no way sleeping in a strangers room and certainly not with an 8 yo boy! It's ludicrous and probably unlawful.

I think your OP was very clear @Applecrumbleandcustatd! No one else seems to have such a problem understanding it 🙄

I hope you've got it resolved now.

There isn't a law against it, just generally not advised that opposite sex children share rooms once the oldest hits puberty.

However from a safeguarding perspective who in their right mind would want their child sleeping in a strange families bedroom?

Which man in his rightmind would welcome a young girl into their room at night even if your wife and child were in the same room.

I wouldn't want to try and stand up to defend any accusations in court.

My biggest question is what is Judy's thinking?
Her Plan A was the DD on a airbed - what if the accommodation realise this and say no the room is only licenced for 2 people and throw one out?

YANBU, but your sister definitely is.

I always thought there was legislation in place relating to siblings of different gender sharing a room but I can't find the info. However, your sister thinks it's appropriate for a 12 y/o girl, a stranger to your family, to sleep in the same bed as your son?? Totally bonkers!

'Judy' needs to find a solution, this is not your problem to solve.

Hi OP
I have a sister like this.
Just say NO

I m working on this with my own sister but sometimes its very difficult.

I am going to live vicariously through you and get my confidence and inspiration through you.
A pushy, pleading sister who wants everything and everyone to suit her equals a disgruntled, pissed off Martyr at the other side who wishes she was tougher, and not opting for the easy, peaceful life.....again

Good luck and please keep us posted

First off I agree with everyone else your Sister is out of order, and what 12 year old girl would want to share a sofa bed with an unknown 8 year old boy!!
I would look at the booking site for the place you booked and try entering another date see if your sisters apartment comes up and look to see if they have a sofa bed , then tell her she can accommodate the child instead, or the 12 year girl can sleep on the blow up bed in your sisters lounge. Bet she won't like that.

Say NO! There are safeguarding issues here:
A 13 yr old stranger in your son's room.
A 13 year old child in the same apartment as 2 adults they do not know and are not related? ( Would your DH feel comfortable about sharing sleeping space with a teenager he does not know??)
Access to your apartment where your child is sleeping, to a non-related stranger?
I don't think so.
Kitchen privileges perhaps, but definitely not at other times.

Point blank, no way! Tell your sister it's a firm no.

Absolutely no way.

If your sister has a sofa she can swap.

If Judy is ok with this, she is a moron and not someone you'd want to spend too much social time with.

Also why is your sister offering your kitchen to Judy - why doesn’t she offer her own?

Your sister is a CF. You are not Unreasonable At All.

Just go back and say no it's a ridiculous idea I thought you were joking for April fools or whatever, and that she'd be better off swapping if she is so concerned about Judy.

Poor fucking Judy probably doesn't even know this is a conversation between you and your sister. I bet she'd be mortified, I know I would be if I was Judy and found this out!

I bet the daughter doesn't know either. No way would a 13 year old girl be happy with that.