Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still out 14 hours later on a BH

400 replies

OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:25

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

OP posts:
NeedthatFridayfeeling · 02/04/2024 09:41

Stay strong OP, get rid of him and your life will get easier, he sounds like a drain on your emotions and a total waste of your time and energy.

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2024 09:48

OhcantthInkofaname · 01/04/2024 22:36

I think the women on Mumsnet are more concerned about you than your partner.

I am concerned about her daughter who doesnt have a choice in whether to have this loser in her life

Gettingonmygoat · 02/04/2024 09:48

I think it is out of order that you force your child to have this waste of space in her home.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/04/2024 09:49

Just beggars belief that you could think having this man within ten miles of your child could be a good idea.

What has happened to your self-esteem and your moral compass that you are questioning whether you are being unreasonable.

Just get the fuck away from him and get some counselling to work out why you thought this was OK.

toomuchfaff · 02/04/2024 09:51

Voted YABU bit simply because you're staying with this fucktard.

Do better.

horseyhorsey17 · 02/04/2024 09:53

Why are you with this prick?

redfacebigdisgrace · 02/04/2024 09:56

Just read your update - well done. I would be asking yourself why you put up with this for so long? Even your first paragraph screams out at me. Why are your standards so
low?

Timeforanotheraliasnow · 02/04/2024 09:58

I'm glad to see that you've given this shit his marching orders. I imagine that he didn't always behave like this but it's gradually become unbearable and so now absolutely time to get rid. Good luck.

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 10:09

Gettingonmygoat · 02/04/2024 09:48

I think it is out of order that you force your child to have this waste of space in her home.

I suggest you read the post!

OP posts:
Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 10:10

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2024 09:48

I am concerned about her daughter who doesnt have a choice in whether to have this loser in her life

Show quote history

Read the post!

OP posts:
TakingAMenopause · 02/04/2024 10:10

The most annoying part of this post is just how many people are posting without reading the full thread.

The 'child' is an adult of 25.

OP has kicked him out.

ChinnyChin2 · 02/04/2024 10:15

TakingAMenopause · 02/04/2024 10:10

The most annoying part of this post is just how many people are posting without reading the full thread.

The 'child' is an adult of 25.

OP has kicked him out.

Or at least the OP's replies, which aren't too many to read.

Now we have @Redruby2020 not even being able to do basic maths (25 -5 = 14 apparently)

So annoying

Meanwhile33 · 02/04/2024 10:19

Well done for kicking him out. I hope he does leave but if he won’t you can call the police.

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2024 10:24

Apologies, I have been off MN for a while and forgot about the option to read all of OP's posts, will do so from now on

MeinKraft · 02/04/2024 10:26

'His mum is dead so to those who said pack his stuff and send him back to his mum that isn't possible. He doesn't have any family that he speaks to. '

I wonder why! How would you feel if your daughter ended up being treated like this OP? Don't accept anything for yourself that you wouldn't accept for her Flowers

K0OLA1D · 02/04/2024 10:27

I've said YABU because you need to get out. The first sentence was enough to know that. Without the issues this weekend.

What are you getting out of being with him?

MrsO3 · 02/04/2024 10:28

OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 09:22

UPDATE
Thanks to all that replied and read the thread!
To those telling me I should have my child taken off me for letting her be around that man.
I should have explained in the first post, my daughter is 25 and lives in her own house - I can see why it was confusing. Not that it makes it any better.

He did come home at some point, I was asleep so not sure what time.
He didn't drive home, I never said he drank / drug drove, just he had taken the car and I couldn't use it to get to work.

I told him to sleep in spare room, he never went to work and I am working from home.

I've told him to pack his stuff and leave and now he is sulking in the spare room like a child.

His mum is dead so to those who said pack his stuff and send him back to his mum that isn't possible. He doesn't have any family that he speaks to.

Not my problem now, I just want him gone and need to find a car so I can be independent.

Thanks for all the advice x

This is great. Well done you! Thank you for updating us. Good luck for the future. This is the first step of your new life, enjoy!

Barney60 · 02/04/2024 10:28

I would be very concerned that hes taken the car, if he does come back how will he return, would he intend to drive to work at 4am?

He got the hump because you were spending time with your daughter on her birthday?
I think you need to give yourself a good talking too and get him away from you and your daughter, put her first.

Barney60 · 02/04/2024 10:29

Sorry just read update, well done be proud good luck.

MrsO3 · 02/04/2024 10:29

Barney60 · 02/04/2024 10:28

I would be very concerned that hes taken the car, if he does come back how will he return, would he intend to drive to work at 4am?

He got the hump because you were spending time with your daughter on her birthday?
I think you need to give yourself a good talking too and get him away from you and your daughter, put her first.

Read the thread

Kapaj · 02/04/2024 10:30

This is the most frustrating thread ever. Poor you OP.

K0OLA1D · 02/04/2024 10:30

I hope he doesn't try to weasel his way back in. You've done the best thing for you. I am sorry he's been such a shit

Barney60 · 02/04/2024 10:32

MrsO3
I did if you see update directly beneath my post!

Weenurse · 02/04/2024 10:41

Good job telling him to go.
Did he listen?

diddl · 02/04/2024 10:42

Well done for getting rid!

Is it his car?