Still out 14 hours later on a BH

[OneWildLemonSnake]

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

WHY on Earth are you subjecting your children to this! You are just as bad as him.

She is 25!

OMG, how many people do not RTFT? I think MN needs to change settings - it's so flipping annoying. And pointless to scroll through scores of posts saying the same thing.

Just click 'see all' on the OP's first post and you can see all the updates.

@OneWildLemonSnake I know you like to keep telling us your DD is 25, but do you not think she has been impacted by this low life you live with?

I was just coming to say the same thing. Surely the first thing you go on a long thread is read all the OPs posts to get a feel for their responses and get more info if it's there.

UPDATE
Thanks to all that replied and read the thread!
To those telling me I should have my child taken off me for letting her be around that man.
I should have explained in the first post, my daughter is 25 and lives in her own house - I can see why it was confusing. Not that it makes it any better.

He did come home at some point, I was asleep so not sure what time.
He didn't drive home, I never said he drank / drug drove, just he had taken the car and I couldn't use it to get to work.

I told him to sleep in spare room, he never went to work and I am working from home.

I've told him to pack his stuff and leave and now he is sulking in the spare room like a child.

His mum is dead so to those who said pack his stuff and send him back to his mum that isn't possible. He doesn't have any family that he speaks to.

Not my problem now, I just want him gone and need to find a car so I can be independent.

Thanks for all the advice x

No, because she doesn't know or see it !

Children ?

@OneWildLemonSnake
No matter what he says or how much he tries to make you feel bad for him he has to go.
If not then there is a high chance you'll be sucked back in

@SunshineYay

its clear I (mistakenly) thought it was HIS house, I read her comment wrong. It was a a mistake, but obvious what I thought, so it's clear I wasn't advising her to leave her own house 🙄🙄

@OneWildLemonSnake pack all HIS crap up, change the lock today & tell him he no longer lives there.

Well he wasn’t there when she turned up this weekend.

Had she moved out when you first started seeing him? I bet she knows more than you think. Bet she will be relieved now you have kicked him out

You really think she doesn't know he's an absolute knob? I doubt it

Yes but your DD was around 14 then when you got together, so she must have witnessed some of it.

For yourself this is no way to live or be in a relationship.

OK no need to tell me off. I read the first post and I got the impression from the tone of the whole post that the child was five not 25 and op was a young mother, not a mature adult in her 40’s/50’s.
They’ve Been together five years,
Childs birthday, not his child, she ‘s gone to her dads.
Glad you’ve e seen sense and given him his marching orders.

You deserve so much better than him! You will get someone a million times better 💐

No they really wouldn't considering the OPs daughter is 25!

OP's daughter is 25!!!! So was around 20 years old when the relationship started!

If you had bothered to read the op you will see her daughter is 25. Op has been with her partner for 5 years.

OP, you have done the right thing. Don’t hold back, kick him out once and for all and go live the life you deserve. Good luck.

Well he clearly hasn't accepted your child so for me that'd be the first red flag for me. He won't even allow you to celebrate her Birthday for goodness sake. Get rid. He's gone running to Daddy so let him stop there. If you're not going to leave the relationship for yourself do it for your child.

Enjoy buying yourself a car! There are some great deals to be had on lease for a nice little runaround.

I'll bet the sulking man-child twat will try to string this out and not leave. You might need to chivvy him along. Tell him check-out time is 11am.

You had me at the first couple of sentences. Quite toxic? Yes. Are you being unreasonable? No. Are you being unreasonable actually being in a relationship with this person still and not running for the hills? Yes. He is not a good example to your daughter. He is not respecting you. You are allowing his immature behaviour by putting up with it.

Why are you bothering with this waste of space?

It will only get worse.

Just read your update. Well done, your life just got lighter, brighter and better!

Good for you

Now move on with your life without this manchild.

It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!

Didn't have to read any further than this.
Don’t put up with this shit in your life.