Still out 14 hours later on a BH

[OneWildLemonSnake]

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

if this is for real, get some self respect

your poor daughter, learning thatvis okay to accept bad treatment and being in a toxic relationship

Please don't put up with him.
This is not behaviour you want to normalise for your daughter, nor anything you should be putting up with.

Does your child’s father know his daughter lives with this toxic waste of space.? You yourself say he’s abusive, takes, drugs, drinks, and drives while drunk? And you allow him to live with you.? My child would be away from the pair of you. She deserves better.

LTB. Are you posting here for permission to do so? Can't think of another reason. Your poor daughter.

Read the thread. Her daughter is 25 and doesn't ouve with her.

@TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist

its HIS house.

@OneWildLemonSnake it's NOT normal & it's NOT acceptable. Thankfully your DD is 25 & independent.

if you can afford to, I'd book a vehicle big enough to contain all your stuff & a storage place. Take tomorrow off work & leave. Stay at family & friends while you figure out housing.

keep repeating... it's not normal, it's not acceptable, I'm worth more than this shit!!

it doesn't matter he's been able to fool your family & friends YOU know better!!

I'm concerned you're going to stay & you'll get so ground down you'll stop seeing how wrong this is.

Lock the door and leave the key in the door. Get the locks changed while he's at work. Bag his shit up and drop it off at his mums. "I give up on your alcoholic, drug abusing, arsehole son, good luck".

Good riddance.

OP says it's her house but the car belongs to him. Why are you advising Op leaving the house she owns?

'Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!'

Why are you complaining about his behaviour when you have already wasted being with him for five years! You know what he's like!

Why are you with him?

Just dump him and find someone nice and who is a good stepfather.

It's very irritating when people give stupid advice because they have not read the thread.

YABU for exposing your child to this person and relationship.

The OP said it was her house.

Adult child 25.

OP you deserve better.

Don't do this. You need to get the locks changed and do everything you can to not let him set for back in your house as he won't go quietly.

Can I have him, he sounds such a catch all my friends will be green with envy at my luck.

Get rid!

Are we really still at a place where women will be grateful for any piece of male garbage.

Glad to read that you do at least acknowledge he is not worth keeping.

I dont understand this behaviour I unfortunately often read about on here.
I think its time time to get rid.

No, life is too long to waste it on this dickhead.

Change the locks and buy your own car. You have no need for this loser in your life. I hope you had a lovely day with your child despite him.

He's behaving like an absolute arse so you end it and he can look like the good guy. Stand up for yourself and kick him out. Don't give him oxygen, bag up his stuff and put it in the garage. Text him and let him know he can collect it.

He sounds a real catch (not). Why, when you have a child, are you putting up with someone like this? Where is your concern for your child? This is a bloke who takes drugs and from the sound of it has a drink problem as well. And just to make him the final 'catch of the year', he cheats too, so is risking YOUR health! Honestly, the desperation you read on here, just to have a man around, is worrying. Where is your pride, OP?

Hear, hear. Desperation doesn't begin to describe this. How any woman with self-respect could allow a man to treat her like this beggars belief.

I think that you are being unreasonable because you are staying with him.

I'd be getting a locksmith round to change the locks and bagging up all his stuff to leave outside.

Why are you with him when you know he takes drugs? I would get rid of him ASAP. Especially, when you have a child! If social services find out that you have your child around a person who takes drugs, they would have a field day!

It’s your house. Chuck him out and change the locks. There are better men out there.