I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

Hate to say it: buttttt high protein (with every meal), no refined sugar, no alcohol and 7k-10k steps per day should do it, you also need to be consistent don’t drastically cut down cos you’ll end up starving and probs unintentionally binging.
Weight training/HITT style stuff is best for ‘fat loss’ not that you can target fat loss per se but that combined with high protein low fat macros will help smash the stubborn fat!
Do you have my fitness pal? I find it a godsend for helping me have insight- post baby, i didn’t realise I was consuming about 500 more cals than I ought to be to ‘loose weight’ and also weighing my portions .. again seems extreme but you really can eat a lot more than you intend by simply eyeing your portions.. !

I’m also 5’2” and the start of lockdown I was 8 stone. I crept up over the years til Christmas to 10 stone. Looked and felt hideous!!
I am totally not selling a mlm product but someone recommended Herbalife to me and I am now a much more comfortable 8 stone 9. I’ve found it easy and that’s no exercise however I do walk about 18000 steps a day at work. I’m 51.

OP healthy sustainable weight loss requires consistency & happens over a much longer period of time than most people realise. There is no quick fix, if you want to lose it for good & keep it off then it’s healthy habits for life.

Do not be discouraged… keep going… it will start to pay off!!

Do you do that every day?

I exercised a lot and it didn’t really shift the weight post baby (also 40). I found it was the food that was the issue for me. I always ate healthy / whole foods and occasional wine. Quite frankly I was eating too much but without noticing. A few painless healthier choices (not painless every day but mostly painless) and I started losing weight. I did noom which means calorie counting and logging food and regular weigh ins. Which once you get in the swing is ok. Made a real difference for me.

good luck. It’s awful not feeling like yourself.

Hi OP, haven’t RTFT but seen some good suggestions on here. I’d firstly get yourself checked by a woman’s health physio regarding your diastasis. I’d add weight training 3 x per week to help build muscle mass (raise your metabolism). Think you mentioned getting a PT to help you with this which is a great idea. Get someone pre/post natal qualified who has knowledge of working with diastasis. Keep a food diary. Weigh portions initially to get an idea of how much you are eating. Protein at every meal. Whilst losing weight keep alcohol cals to minimum (so 10-15% of your daily cals per week max). Certainly whilst trying to lose weight. Once you build some muscle you will notice how much easier it is to maintain weight without doing crazy low cal diets. Definitely take pics to see your progress. Good luck!

I’d look fat at 10st something! I’m 8 stone 10 and 5ft4 and feel just right. I’ve put on about 2kg over 6 months and if I gained more I know I’d feel fat so at 10st I’d definitely look it! It depends on shape I’m sure!

Try the Mediterranean Diet - you can even have a small glass of red wine with your dinner!

My reality check….
i was exhausted, gaining in middle, nothing working, feeling down, aches , rage, tears, depression

i had hormones tested - perifuckingmenopause

now on low dose oestrogen and exercising. An expert following says long cardio is detrimental in perimenopause which can start mid 30s

Do you eat a sufficient essential fats?
My fat intake was ridiculously low when I was being restrictive.
Not healthy at all.

sounds like you've hit perimenopause. Talk to your doc about HRT and start strength training

Been there too. Do seriously count the calories and write them down - stick to 2000 each day on average during a week.

You need to cut out bread especially white bread, opt for wraps instead , Aldi do protein wraps and they are not expensive for 6! Also try foods that fill you up for longer , for breakfast try porridge and a banana instead.
Im 45 and I weigh between 8stone 7/9 and have been this weight for some time, I have wobbly bits and my stomach bloats with certain vegetables and if I eat too many carbs eg pasta , white bread so I have to be careful as I look like I’m pregnant 😩 drink plenty of water throughout the day as this helps to keep you hydrated and also makes u feel fuller till next meal. I eat what I like including crisps biscuits and cake but I don’t drink any alcohol, I don’t workout but walk everywhere. Try not eating after 8pm and not snacking as this can have a huge impact on gaining weight.

I would definitely keep a diary of what you eat every day, don’t weigh yourself each week as this will have a mental impact but I would do it each month instead. You definitely need to cut wine out of your diet or go for low calorie like gin and tonic.
good luck and hope you manage to get to your ideal weight soon❤️

Calorie deficit calorie deficit calorie deficit

every other ‘tip’ on this thread is irrelevant if you’re not in a calorie deficit. And for all it’s maligned by the weight loss industry desperate to sell you the next miracle weight loss fad, tracking everything you eat & weighing your portions etc. really matters in terms of setting you up with a long term understanding of what healthy eating actually looks like.

Wait until you are over 50 and in menopause. Weight loss is way harder then 😒

This sounds like my situation. I keep thinking soon I will get time to eat better, exercise more, but am always too tired and ill with 2 toddlers, and work/life is always a juggle. And wine and cake get me through the day. But I get a little heavier every year so something needs to change ASAP.

You ARE overweight, and you care that you are. You recognise the need to do something at your young age before it gets worse - so WELL DONE!

Not by much though, but sadly, at 5'2" every pound shows BUT in some ways that is good, because you don't get "you can carry it", until you hit obese. If you are maintaining, you are doing well, so a few tweaks should do it.
Your body is you, and you are focussing on toned images for comparison, just look around you and see just how many people are MUCH much bigger.
Random thoughts:

1. Try carrying something that weighs about 5lbs around in a backpack for an hour or 2 and see just what this does to your breathing and heart rate - it's an eye opening incentive
2. Can you afford to buy bigger jeans, so you do not bulge? You will feel better while you do something
3. Lowering carbs takes your energy away - stick to potatoes (YES, really) and pasta, drop the bread - it works. Plan meals ahead, so when you are ready to eat, you are not grabbing the nearest. Well done for dropping the snacking (that is my failing) Sorry, but toast for breakfast is bad - egg, porridge at a push. You could get your GP to refer you for Slimming World. Strangely, I found that fruit was my nemesis.
4. Get a full medical check to eliminate anything that might cause - but it could just be peri-menopause. A little weight gain for that is good, gives you a strong base for the real thing. There is a pre-diabetes online course that is very helpful.
5. Wine varies in calories https://www.calories.info/food/wine you might be able to switch
6. You do not mention your coffee - check your milk intake - a dangerous hidden extra. And fruit juice.
7. You mention exercise - every little helps - everywhere you walk do it faster, never flip over when adverts are on but get up and dance around for the 3 minutes, stretch and do a couple of sit-ups before getting out of bed, brush your teeth dancing to music. You may find as the weather gets better you will do more gardening or walking.

@CettePersonne the glucose goddess has some good tips. It's not necessarily losing weight but she explains our glucose spikes which may help with understanding food intake.
I do completely understand how you feel and it's bloody rubbish 🫤

I’m exactly the same and have completely changed my diet - focus on protein and fat and some carbs but I’m really conscious about spiking my insulin levels and keeping hormones in check. Low-fat stuff is really bad for women our age as we need to be focusing on hormones.

I’ve also found that will powders MCT really helps with sugar cravings. I have a coffee with MCT and collagen in the morning

Back in my 30s I could eat anything and didn’t put on weight. Also up your strength training. I’ve not a clue about my weight but back down to a size 10 and am toned and strong

I think sometimes people exaggerate the effect of metabolism changes in your 30s and 40s. I was a bit defeatist about it and was sure it was because I hit 35 .

It’s only one example, but my half-sister who is 20 years older than me (i.e. well over 40) lost 2 or 3 stone ten years ago and has kept it off by changing her diet, emphasis on protein and veg, very little bread and pasta, refined sugar only as a special treat. She eats enough food, isn’t hungry, and doesn’t do high intensity workouts (more things like half hour walks and yoga). So I also wonder about the metabolism thing. I do think that when you start a healthier diet, you have to hang on for the first couple of weeks when you will feel hunger pangs and may get horrible headaches from sugar withdrawal etc, as your body is used to so much more food. Once your body has had a chance to recalibrate they should go away.

Weight gain is accumulative. If you’re drinking eg a bottle of wine a week you need to factor that into your calorie intake.
The only way to lose weight is to have a calorie deficit. Have a blow out but adjust your calories the next day. Yes, it’s harder when older but do it now because it will
only get worse and even tougher.

Low carb diets do wonders for getting rid of belly fat
It's proven to be very healthy
When I was pregnant I gained no weight at all
I was told to gain no more than 5 kilos because I was very overweight
I followed a low carb diet
And gained no weight and continued to lose weight after I gave birth
I breastfed for a year
And went from 90 kilos to 70 from the start of my pregnancy to a year after of breastfeeding, (most came off after giving birth, and I was 90 kilos since my first pregnancy when I actually gained 30 kilos and never lost the weight?.

I occasionally treat myself to whatever I want
But my god if only I knew how effective it was before
Now all I have left is 10 kilos to lose
And I haven't even started exercising yet!
I'm now 14 months post partum and feel better than I have in years
And am only a couple of years of 40 so go for it
It's all the sugar and white carbs that's the problem

@sunshinestar1986 that's great that it works for you, but it's very individual. Some people do really well on low carb, some people don't. Low carb for me triggers headaches and hormones issues.
There's no one magic solution that fits everyone - would be wonderful if there was!

Hi OP, I’m going to offer a slightly different approach: you could try being on the go all day rather than incorporating more exercise sessions into your week, as it already sounds like you’re doing a fair bit of swimming. Just keep on your feet moving all day long, no sitting down for long periods of time. Personally I’ve found this keeps me trim and requires a lot less effort and time that going to the gym, etc. If you’ve noticed you’re more sedentary but are eating more carefully than before you’re probably just generally less active now. You’ll feel knackered but less hungry. Good luck!