I'm fat, and look as though I should be, but I'm not.

[CettePersonne]

I am definitely being unreasonable.

I was always naturally slim. Around 8st at 5'2ish. Not skinny, I always had a pretty generous arse but on a small frame. I've always loved food - not lots of junk, pretty healthy really but just "normally" not obsessively so - just whatever I fancied without thinking.

Two dcs, multiple mcs, and a lockdown discovery of wine and pringles down and I'm very definitely not slim now. I lost the weight slowly after dc1, but after the mcs and then dc2 (now 5) it was a different story...

I've been exercising properly 3-4 times a week this year and have long since knocked the evening junk snacking on the head and reduced the wine. But the weight is stuck hard now. I'm 40. My belly is outrageous and the arms and arse are following suit. I don't often weigh myself because I never got in the habit because I didn't care, but I'm now 10.5ish st. I think that makes me overweight, but more to the point it looks and feels like it does.

I don't care about the numbers on the scales or on my labels, bigger is fine I see lots of lovely toned looking size 14+ women, I really just want to not wibble and to be able to wear jeans without looking like Humpty Dumpty trying on a wig 😩 My jeans are uncomfortable, nothing fits properly.

So, I've decided to deal with this by throwing a massive strop..! <STOMPS foot and Fucking Swears!!> I am not calorie counting but I have consciously stopped snacking and kept an eye on portions and tried to make healthy choices, and I've really upped my activity. Yet I think I'm still getting bigger... It's really not fair 😩 I already ignore the hunger pangs after the gym, do I really have to cut down to restrictive portions just to stop gaining more weight? I see fit looking women older than me, surely it's not just my age? Has my natural advantage just fucking turned itself off now!? Does everyone over 35 and under 10st actually feel starving all the time!? (N.B. I know I'm being ridiculous.)

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being I obvs I need to hear it..! But solidarity is welcome too! What is this actually gonna take...?

OP I dint understand your title. You look as if you should be what?
But you are not what?
Fat?
But you've said you are fat.

I'm confused.
You are fat
You look like you should be fat
But you aren't fat

Say what?

It's a film quote.

Yes, unfortunately it takes quite a lot of work to lose weight after 40. I have two rather than three meals a day and exercise (mainly strength training) 5-6 days a week. Walking is good as a bonus but not enough for me. I still have treats and snacks as life would be boring without it but if for instance I snacked on crisps of chocolate in the afternoon, I would adjust my evening meal down to something very light to compensate. Good luck OP, it’s doable but as others have said it takes time and a lifestyle change rather than being a quick fix.

I would forget about exercise.

Cut out carbs, sugar and dairy.

Hardly any fruit or root vegetables.

Oats, salmon, chicken and oat cakes with large salads.

Yes, you'll have to be hungry for a while.

Drink lots of water.

@JudyBlumesBlubber that's an oversimplification of the message.

Yes you need a calorie deficit to lose weight
However the amount of calories you need depends on a number of factors, including your activity levels, age and the amount of muscle you carry on your body. When people talk about someone having a 'fast metabolism' that actually comes down to activity and muscle mass.

I can and do eat more than my boyfriend who is 7inches taller than me. I can also deadlift more than him. I couldn't eat more than him and stay slim if I didn't carry as much muscle as I now do. I'm a size 10. HTH.

Also I'm aware I come across a bit over zealous about exercise - it's something I'm passionate about!

I'm very aware that you can't out exercise a bad diet. At the same time though if someone's TDEE is really low - which is more likely for women, and as we age, and have a sedentary lifestyle - it often makes more sense to increase muscle mass first, to give us a higher TDEE, then add in activity (eg steps or cardio) and then reduce calories gradually. Otherwise people can end up in situations where the calorie target they are trying to limit to is too low to be achievable realistically in the long term (assuming you're not one of the rare people who feels happy to live permanently off rice cakes/salad/grilled chicken - great if you can but it's not the majority of people)

Diets start in the kitchen but trying to diet without being able to add in any exercise is really, really hard.

Haha 😆 I'm sorry! It's a (mis)quote from the film Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and as I acknowledged up thread, it is a pretty daft thread title. But it crossed my mind and made me chuckle while writing the op, and I forgot that not everyone is as sad as me!

To clarify - I'm not really fat. I am a bit over weight, and I look as though I should be.

Thanks for all the info and thoughts @Proteinpud and others, I am really trying to think this through and will reassess the way I exercise and eat. My aim is to be fit and healthy, and then to be able to look presentable in my clothes, whatever size they may be.

@CettePersonne

To clarify - I'm not really fat. I am a bit over weight, and I look as though I should be.
You look as though you should be what? 🫣😂🤪 fat? Why do you look as though you should be fat?

Oh gawd my brain isn't braining

Ditch the wine and reduce the carbs should get you losing some weight. Try and be T total for 2 months and I'll bet you'll lose significant weight.

@underthemilky
Overweight. I am overweight. 😂 I hesitate to actually call myself fat as I don't think it's useful and I'm trying to be as kind to myself as I would be to others and it seems a bit excessive at 10.5st - but others can make up their own minds and call me what they want! Forget the should be, I shouldn't have added that bit I don't think my brain is braining properly today either!

I'm probably similar in build to you. Older. 56. I found lifting weights...heavy weights totally transformed my body. I am ow very toned. Have significant muscle and less body fat I am still waaaaay heavier than in my 30s when I was 8 stone but I look so much better than I did 5 years ago.

I recently managed to shift a stone without calorie counting and I’m over 50. I carried on eating what I used to eat for meals but eliminated all puddings cake’s biscuits, chocolate, crisps and alcohol. I didn’t feel hungry.
Just a small amount of any of these things in the week meant I maintained my weight rather than lost any so I did keep to it strictly.
I still went out for meals on occasion just no alcohol or desert. I also had takeaways but not a mountain of chips, just the amount you would cook for yourself at home.

i think we all carry weight very differently. i'm 5ft 3 when i was 9.5stone i looked anorexic and was a size 6-8 not sure why i must have a heavy head lol

Another change I made was to have muesli for breakfast to cut down in the butter on toast you mentioned OP. I thought it was probably more nutritious too.

I know technically its calories in v calories out but in all honesty I lose weight better when I eat better
The issue on 1200-1400 Kcal is you struggle to eat well and if you do it means absolutely NO treats or snacks

I used to do WW and it got to the point that I refused to eat oil, mackerel, sardines, nuts, avocado even salmon was a rarity because the points were too high. That is just ridiculous. I find I am better eating more calories but healthier food.

I assume healthier foods make your body work better

The issue on 1200-1400 Kcal is you struggle to eat well and if you do it means absolutely NO treats or snacks

I eat three nutritious meals for around 1200 and a couple of treats too, usually a low calorie hot chocolate which is 38 calories and something for 100 calories.

Yes you’re right of course @Proteinpud - it’s a simplistic way to look at things. But given the self awareness of the OP, I’m guessing that the obvious things don’t need to be stated. I suspect she’s not eating junk, she probably eats homemade decent food already and has already tried many things before this thread.

I was the same - pretty fit, did weights, ate home cooked food of high quality and yet the weight stayed an issue, despite eating “clean” food and exercising. To finally move the dial, I had to count all the calories in/out to see where I was going wrong and there are many like me. The calories in an avocado smash on sourdough can be a third of the daily calories which might be a shock to many, despite being hailed as super food.
But if anyone is eating junk and not moving, clearly I’d advise them to start there.

I could have written your post 😫 I'm a bit taller but otherwise it's pretty much the same story here. 2 kids, multiple miscarriages and lockdown = I weigh 1.5 stone more than I used to. Can't shift it. Always sleep deprived which doesn't help. Also accidentally / mindlessly eat a lot of kids leftovers every day.

I suspect we do need to eat smaller portions, no snacks, no booze, etc

Try increasing your protein and fibre intake, so lots of fresh vegetables and cut out or cut right back on carbohydrates, particularly refined carbohydrates like potatoes, pasta, rice et cetera. I think you will find you stay fuller for longer without the sugar lows which then create the cravings for more snacking or larger portion sizes. Wishing you all the best

I'm 34, weigh 8st 2oz and eat like a horse lol I literally do let myself get hungry! So no....

hi, similar situation here. Perimenopausal and doing the right things, portion control, no snacking, upped protein, weights three times a week and spinning twice a week.

Intermittent fasting is just a way of eating less, btw, but if it works for you…

anyway - the only thing I’ve found that makes a difference is I’ve started running again after 20 years or so. And every one of the workouts - Cardio or weights- has to be at my absolute limit. I’m just not prepared to restrict food any further, and I noticed that everyone I know who has the figure I want is a runner. So I’m running!

either way, seems you have to put a huge amount of effort in for a small gain, but the health benefits have to be worth it, and I’ve read the stubborn weight period doesn’t last forever (fingers crossed)

I hear you.
I'm 39. Less than 3 years ago I was 8 stone 2. I was very disciplined for nearly a year!
Then something happened , I think it was Christmas 2021 and I wanted to eat and I basically didn't go back to diet portions ever. Now I'm pushing 10.5 stone.
It doesn't sound a great deal but I don't carry extra weight well and I looked much better 9st something.
In terms of tips to loose weight:
My fitnesspal is tough at first but it's the only thing that works for me. Put all treats and alcohol on there.
I know it sounds a bit obsessive but you have to accept you'll be hungry if you want to loose weight sometimes . Drink more water. Distract yourself.
Low carb is a good way not to be hungry on a diet, but it's hardcore and not for everyone .
If you can't low carb, one low carb meal a day helps.Having omelette first thing instead of sugary cereal or toast helped filled me up and stopped me craving biscuits mid morning.

It is tough though and I sympathise.

I hear you CettePersonne. Was never over 9 stone (5 foot 7) and looked skinny despite eating constantly in my younger years. Even after 3 kids I lost the weight without trying. Fast forward to mid 40's I had to go to the gym twice a week to keep the weight stable. 60 this year and F@@@ it - 10 and a half stone - and can't shift a pound. Trying 5:2 diet as a last resort. If this doesn't work then I give up lol.

Sorry to say it gets worse as you get older. I gained 30 lbs when I was widowed and haven't been able to lose more than half of it. All my food is cooked from scratch. No wine or other alcohol. No cake. No chocolates. I hate being fat and flabby. I don't know where I've gone, IYKWIM. You have my every sympathy.