Holiday booked don’t want to go

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ILs booked a holiday about a year ago and asked if we’d go as we live opposite ends of the country so would be a nice way to meet. Was happy to at this point so said yes. We have 2 toddlers so never particularly easy but it’s only a 2 hour drive and they sleep in their own beds so don’t have to lug loads of stuff with us. Now I’m due to have a section in 3 weeks. Holiday is 6 weeks after my section so will have only just started driving again, will probably be sleeping very little as planning to breastfeed etc, and now have to pack a double pram and a moses basket in the car with 3 car seats and everyone squished ( I haven’t even bought a moses basket and don’t really have the budget to buy right now because I otherwise wouldn’t use one anyway and I’m terrified of sids and don’t want to have faith in a random caravan place providing a safe cot).

just feel so anxious about it all now. I keep saying to dh I don’t really want to go etc etc but it never really turns into a proper conversation probably because he wants to go, or if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc. also I get ppd and ppa every pregnancy and it’s started early this time rather than just postpartum, so that’s probably contributing but in my experience that’s not going to disappear by 6 weeks pp.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

Agree but the OP said she was happy to go away with them when it was booked so must get on ok with them!
I posted merely to give another aspect to it all that’s all….

It's poor human behaviour.

He's literally ignoring all your concerns. Decent human beings don't do that. They don't get grumpy when you raise it and they don't blackmail you re the imminent demise of their parents. Plus they can usually manage to take more than one child out, and to put them to bed.

If your DH hated you for potentially saving your FILs life by ensuring he did not drive, that is not the action of someone who loves their father.

Well this all has disaster written all over it tbh, with the caravan holiday being the least of your concerns frankly

i do agree my anxiety is a huge factor in this but a) I’m trying to get help for it and

It sounds like you are really suffering ❤What sort of help are you trying to get? Have you had therapy in the past? Sounds like you could need a course of psychotherapy. Preganancy is a fantastic time to deal with stuff as the hormones bring everything to the fore. It will help you understand why you're unable to assert yourself in your relationship or maintain healthy boundaries.

when I’m at work he doesn’t take them out on his own because he struggles (they want carried, they hate being in the pram, you let them walk and the youngest toddles off in the opposite direction etc etc usual toddler things)

This is very concerning. So he's a stay at home dad? What do they do all day? Sounds like the pram is not working - can he use a carrier for the one year old and how about a scooter for the 3yo? Kids need to get out and about. If he struggles the only way he can improve is practice. God forbid this would happen, but what if you dropped down dead one day?

I don’t work full time I only do one 6 hour shift a weekend and he works 9-5 mon-Fri, so it’s not like he has them often and they’re in all day but no - I think because he doesn’t drive and we don’t have a pram that works on the bus because it’s a giant double thing I can see why he wouldn’t want to walk 40 mins to the nearest park or soft play in his defence. I don’t think I’d leave the house much without my car either

thank you - I’ve had therapy but I find it impossible to actually talk about things properly because it’s always in dh’s working hours so I have to take the kids. And I don’t really want to say infront of a 3 year old who repeats everything that I feel sad/having extreme thoughts. Was devastated the other day because she told my mum that ‘mummy was crying on the stairs’ last week because I’d just had a hypo and was fed up and thought she wouldn’t see me if I had a moment on the stairs. I don’t want to do these things infront of her :/ I tried sertraline which didn’t work for me, the side effects were horrible. I wanted to try fluoxetine but I was in that horrible cycle of knowing I need help but being too depressed to sort it out kind of thing. And now I’m trying to sort it and nobody’s getting back to me - told both my consultant and midwife I’m having suicidal thoughts and they don’t seem interested tbh

Really don't worry about your 3yo seeing you crying once or twice. Crying is a normal part of life for children - it was just a matter of interest to her: oh, Mummy's crying, I do that too!

Can your mum not look after the 3yo while you go to therapy?

No basically everyone who could provide childcare works full time 9-5 so it’s pretty much just me. Thank you, I just feel so sad that she sees it. I worry she thinks she’s made me upset or something

Well I agree that your dh is behaving like a poor partner and father. Anyone with half a brain wouldn't allow their child to be in a car driven by someone who isn't safe. But here he is.
Anyone with half a brain would NOT think to expect his newborn and postpartum wife on this holiday. It's not even a comfortable, luxurious one where you can have your space and just recover if you need. It's a caravan with 7 people and I'm sure you will be expected to cook and do stuff for everyone too. Even taking one child makes your problem worse, how will you manage with a new born and another little toddler? But again, here he is.
Anyone with half a brain, wouldn't expect a women who just had a baby to do this trip, but then again here are your PIL.
You need to do what is best for you, because you are the one who is giving birth. Stop pleasing everyone else, because everyone else clearly doesn't care about YOU.

I'm not sure if you have had a CS before, and while recovery is mostly fine it is tough and you will only start to feel yourself around 2 months after. Why do you think a 6week check is necessary by your doctor? How do you know you will be ok at 6weeks?
Rather tell them earlier than last minute, they still have time to cancel. Your dh needs to wake up behave like a husband and prioritise his wife and children.

I know your parents are not going.
I was more wondering if your parents were willing to support you all. Driving your DH and DC to their holiday, perhaps staying over somewhere…before they drive home.
Trying to help with solving the problem rather than taking a negative stance.

That’s the in laws - with visibility issues. I meant the OP’s parents. Just trying to come up with a positive solution.

I’ve had 2 and both times felt fine by 2 weeks so I think he’s basing it off that - I’m getting my tubes removed this time though and I’ve heard that basically throws you into an endless heavy period so I don’t really feel like I can predict this recovery being the same as the last 2

we don’t have a pram that works on the bus because it’s a giant double thing I can see why he wouldn’t want to walk 40 mins to the nearest park or soft play in his defence. I don’t think I’d leave the house much without my car either

Surely a 3yo doesnt need a pram for the bus, or at all really? Can't you source a cheap secondhand single pram and/or a carrier if the baby doesnt like the pram? Many people with kids don't have cars.

He has 6 weeks to practice taking them out and then will feel more confident taking them on the caravan holiday he's so desperate to go on. You need to let him be a parent.

thank you - I’ve had therapy but I find it impossible to actually talk about things properly because it’s always in dh’s working hours so I have to take the kids. And I don’t really want to say infront of a 3 year old who repeats everything that I feel sad/having extreme thoughts.

I'm amazed that a therapist even agreed to conduct a session with a child present, that really wouldn't work for the reasons you mentioned. It's really harmful for a child to be privy to those conversations. It's not therapy if you can't be open or honest.

What type of therapy is it? Can't you put your 3yo into nursery using their free hours entitlement? And/or have some therapy on evenings/weekends. For how bad things are it really sounds like you need to pay for a course of proper psycotherapy.

Told both my consultant and midwife I’m having suicidal thoughts and they don’t seem interested tbh

This is shocking and awful. There should be a mental health team you can request to be referred to if you phone the midwives.