Holiday booked don’t want to go

[hdhdgueidvxkdk]

ILs booked a holiday about a year ago and asked if we’d go as we live opposite ends of the country so would be a nice way to meet. Was happy to at this point so said yes. We have 2 toddlers so never particularly easy but it’s only a 2 hour drive and they sleep in their own beds so don’t have to lug loads of stuff with us. Now I’m due to have a section in 3 weeks. Holiday is 6 weeks after my section so will have only just started driving again, will probably be sleeping very little as planning to breastfeed etc, and now have to pack a double pram and a moses basket in the car with 3 car seats and everyone squished ( I haven’t even bought a moses basket and don’t really have the budget to buy right now because I otherwise wouldn’t use one anyway and I’m terrified of sids and don’t want to have faith in a random caravan place providing a safe cot).

just feel so anxious about it all now. I keep saying to dh I don’t really want to go etc etc but it never really turns into a proper conversation probably because he wants to go, or if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc. also I get ppd and ppa every pregnancy and it’s started early this time rather than just postpartum, so that’s probably contributing but in my experience that’s not going to disappear by 6 weeks pp.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

I'd tell DH to see if dates can be changed as the best compromise. Does your DH drive?

I’d let my husband take the older two and thoroughly enjoy some time just me and the baby!

For God's sake just say no. This is completely absurd doing this with a baby and two toddler. They will just have to lump it.

Can you postpone by a few weeks. Explain it's very soon and you'd prefer to be a further past surgery.

Breast feeding shouldn't be an issue. Do you have a carry cot pram that can be used instead of buying a moses basket? What will you use at home in the early days?

Oh you poor thing! You cannot share a caravan with ILS 6 weeks after giving birth (aside from the other kids too). Just cancel or reschedule for another time and send DH and older 2.

Seems like you have an excuse for every resolution people are suggesting.

Just cancel and stay home with baby, but you can't dictate what your husband does with his children too.

No carry cot pram. Using a double so the insert is like a soft shell thing definitely not safe for unsupervised sleep. Baby going straight into a cot at home so nothing portable

Why is your husband only offering to take one of the other children? Obviously you will stay with the newborn, and he has offered to take a three year old daughter, but what age is the third child and why isn't he offering to take her?

I think your not trusting him with the three year old is very unfair and actually controlling, UNLESS you have reason to (and in which case, surely you wouldn't be having this third child with him, unless he only recently revealed these neglectful/irresponsible tendencies).

Other than that what you are saying seems pretty reasonable. If it were me I would stay at home with the baby. Do you have anyone you could ask to stay with you - your mom for example? Regardless, I would, and did, stay on my own with the newborn at this age. DH takes the other kids, they get a lovely holiday and lots of adults attention they may have missed out on - you get a break from them. He gets to spend precious quality time with his elderly parents (and believe me it is precious - I would kill for a holiday with my dad now). Perfect.

I would if they were older older but they’re still tiny themselves. One just turned 3 and one just turned 1. They’re still very little and I still get massive anxiety about leaving them. I’d probably be more confident if dh drove etc but he doesn’t drive and also when I’m at work he doesn’t take them out on his own because he struggles (they want carried, they hate being in the pram, you let them walk and the youngest toddles off in the opposite direction etc etc usual toddler things) so if he has never even attempted taking them to soft play down the road before I don’t really think it’s unreasonable that I’m anxious about him taking them and a load of bags and a pram on the bus and 2 trains and whatever transport it is from the train to the caravan place, nevermind the rest of the week

That would be a hard nope from me, wild horses couldn't drag me to a caravan site 6 weeks postpartum with two toddlers, sharing with in-laws! Are you crazy 😝

So, if you're happy to stay home with baby and the 1 yr old, that would mean that DH could go with the eldest child. He could get some reins if DC is a runner.

Then you + baby + 1 year old could cosy up for some quiet days bonding?

That would seem reasonable, as I imagine his parents want to see their grandchildren too.

The most obvious answer is to cancel or reschedule I agree. Circumstances have changed and it’s just not feasible.

When I got down to the fact it’s a caravan, that was the absolute clincher.

If you husband really wants to go, surely he takes both older ones and leaves you with just the baby? Why does he think it’s fair to leave you with two babies, who whilst close in age will have very different needs at those stages?

You just need a very firm promise that no one gets in the car with blind IL.

Is your useless husband much older than you, OP?

I’d get DH to go with the 3yo. They’d probably have a lovely time with grandparents. I thought you were being a bit unreasonable at first but the more you’ve said, the more hellish it sounds tbh. I wouldn’t fancy sharing a small place 6 weeks post partum.

He’s not useless. He does all sorts for us.

you should've cancelled before now. you knew the dates and that you would be 6 weeks pp. quite honestly i wouldn't want my other half going either when we have a new baby.

This op. And all of you in a caravan too sounds like utter hell. It's not even a comfortable, hotel or relaxing kind of accommodation. To bring a baby on that is just madness. Your IL must be very inconsiderate people if they think they could ask this of you.

Your dh sounds childish and selfish and thoughtless. You are going to have THREE tiny children - he is expecting you to drive him on holiday and handle all the kid stuff because after three years he’s still not competent to take your two eldest out?

im sorry OP but he IS useless.

Guilt-tripping you into going is bang out of order.

Are you expected to drive to this holiday aswell
It would be a no from me

It's fair enough that you don't want to go, but stopping your husband from taking your eldest child from spending time with his family is not on. 3yrs old isn't tiny, and it's a good time for dad to spend some quality time with them.

I wouldn't want to go either. It's completely reasonable for you to pull out. Rescheduling would be the best plan.

I'm torn between your husband staying so he can help you, or going with the older ones so you can have some peace. But if he goes without you, he definitely needs to take both the older kids.

Definitely don't go. Six weeks post partum after a c section and two toddlers is way too much! Just being in your own environment at that stage in the game would feel hard work to me.

Just to say that if you buy a second hand Moses basket (or get one for free off a buy nothing group like I did) then you can get a new mattress for about 12 quid from Amazon.

@hdhdgueidvxkdk why the hell would anyone book only one caravan for two families??? certainly I wouldnt be sharing a caravan with my in laws if there were still alive!!

Don’t go. It isn’t worth the anxiety. Let your husband go and spend time with his parents. All of you in a caravan would be stressful for everyone. I understand about the SIDS . You need to do whatever it takes to feel reassured. Breastfeeding helps prevent it and so do dummies apparently.