Holiday booked don’t want to go

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ILs booked a holiday about a year ago and asked if we’d go as we live opposite ends of the country so would be a nice way to meet. Was happy to at this point so said yes. We have 2 toddlers so never particularly easy but it’s only a 2 hour drive and they sleep in their own beds so don’t have to lug loads of stuff with us. Now I’m due to have a section in 3 weeks. Holiday is 6 weeks after my section so will have only just started driving again, will probably be sleeping very little as planning to breastfeed etc, and now have to pack a double pram and a moses basket in the car with 3 car seats and everyone squished ( I haven’t even bought a moses basket and don’t really have the budget to buy right now because I otherwise wouldn’t use one anyway and I’m terrified of sids and don’t want to have faith in a random caravan place providing a safe cot).

just feel so anxious about it all now. I keep saying to dh I don’t really want to go etc etc but it never really turns into a proper conversation probably because he wants to go, or if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc. also I get ppd and ppa every pregnancy and it’s started early this time rather than just postpartum, so that’s probably contributing but in my experience that’s not going to disappear by 6 weeks pp.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

Could you book a separate caravan
leave them too it and have your own space

It is more inconsiderate of the OP to decide just a few months before (when the cost of accommodation might be lost) that she doesn’t want to go!

She wasn’t pregnant when it was booked and I’m assuming the in-laws paid for it and perhaps couldn’t afford two caravans but wanted to spend some time with their son and his family. You can fit 6 adults in most caravans so 4 adults and two toddlers was fine.

I don’t get why you didn’t figure out 8 months ago that it would be too close to the birth OP and tell the in-laws to rearrange then. It’s unlikely they’ll be able to now!

TBH, I’d go with a 3rd DC. It’s only 2 hours away. Stop after an hour for a toilet break to walk around in case uncomfortable after c section. Spend the time relaxing feeding in room interspersed with a few walks a day and sitting on the deck. Let DH and PIL take the older ones off and deal with their needs, bring you meals etc and you’ll be on hand to ensure older DC are safe and you have a car if needed.

I'd not want to go either op. If it's the only other option, I'd still prefer to be at home with all the kids and let him go alone. Surely ILs wouldn't want to share a cramped space with a newborn either?! It sounds like a recipe for a very stressful time.

Don't go. Period.

HV shouldn't be talking about SIDS. You're stressed enough.
What is wrong with these people?

It does sound like too much 6 weeks after c section and with 3 tiny kids. But you should say so asap, so they can look into rescheduling for a more suitable time if possible, and not have it be wasted. Presumably the in-laws are only doing this trip to see you all.
if it can’t be rescheduled, I’d let DH take the eldest for a bit. He really should be able to be trusted with their safety, and it sounds like it would do the 3yo some good to have some 1:1 bonding time with dad and get used to having him put her to bed/settle her.

What are you on about? It's the health visitors job to give advice on stuff like that?

Wait… you’re expected to do all that driving a few weeks after a section with your 3rd child under 4… erm. Nope.

he can go see his parents another time. He can get the train to them.

the holiday plans are no longer suitable for your whole family unit. Many apologies. Cancel now and lose less money all round.

Id expect my partner to be there for me at home.

a holiday in ONE caravan, with FOUR adults, a 3-year old, a 1-year old, and a newborn baby? i would absolutely not be doing this, it sounds like hell for everyone involved

edit: also, your husband suggesting going with the 3-year old, and therefore leaving you home with a just turned 1-year old, and a newborn little baby seems like a bad idea :( especially with your ppd :/

In most (quite luxurious) static caravans I’ve stayed in you’d really struggle to fit a Moses basket in the main bedroom and it would be impossible to fit one in either of the other two twin bedrooms. Have your in-laws offered you the main bedroom?

A caravan holiday with 4 adults and three small children? Nope, nope, nope.

6 weeks post C section and you are expected to do all of the driving? Nope, nope, nope.

Cancel.

I'm completely mystified by many of the responses here.

A week away in a caravan, 6 weeks post c section, with newborn, toddler and preschooler, with extremely elderly, sight impaired inlaws...?

Husband giving you grief about it being the Last Ever Time with his parents? What?

What.The.Fuck. NO.

If his parents are well enough to go on holiday, it seems really unlikely they're about to drop dead.

Perhaps they would like to stay nearby and drop in over a week, spend some time with you?

My only question is why you are having the slightest difficulty saying 'ooh sorry, not this time haha!'

This trip sounds soooooooo stressful. No no no!!! Speak up OP! We can give you moral support.

You shouldn't go. If your inlaw's eyesight is too bad to drive you should be reporting it. Your DH needs to learn how to manage his children.

You're supposed to avoid driving until after your post-natal check after a c-section, which usually happens at 6 weeks, so you may not be ready to drive anyway

It just doesn't work.

You doing all the caring and driving so soon doesn't make sense.

In theory, he should be able to take solo care for some time, and letting him go with one or two of the children sounds good, but if he won't drive, this specific camp isn't practical, not only because of complexity of getting there by public transport, but it sounds there isn't that much to do there without a car either.

I wouldn't even contemplate going anywhere 6 weeks post partum especially after a c-section! You need to be at home, resting, healing and establishing a good feeding routine. Your other two children are still very small and you are going to need you DH around to do the majority of their care so you can recover. Just tell ILs you're not going to be able to go and then it's done and you can relax. If DH is wanting to spend more time with them, I'd suggest he learns to drive so that he can visit them more easily.

A caravan, with a newborn & two little ones?
Plus BF & C-Section recovery… No way!

It is not reasonable for them to expect you to go with 2 little ones and a brand new baby. It’s also not reasonable for him to leave you.

Just decide now it’s not happening then work out how to tell him. His problem to figure out how to explain to his parents.

I think it would be unreasonable for you to do this to yourself.

It's obvious how anxious you are about the situation, but I would work on setting boundaries, something I've only just learnt to do in the past few months and it's been life changing! Explain that you will not be going this time. Let DH take the older two and you have some much needed time with the new baby yourself. Leave him to pack the bags and sort out the washing in advance, absolutely no reason why he should not be capable of this, set your expectations where they should be and you'll soon find he is actually capable of being an adult!

Don’t go.

It’s not going to be a holiday for you either.

I was also still sore from my sections at 6 weeks if i overdid it slightly.

I absolutely wouldn't go OP.
I would send DH with older two for a few days.
But if your DH can't look after the oldest two by himself for a few days I wouldn't be having any more dc for a while with him.
He needs to be more capable.

Nope.

Wouldn't go.

I'd cancel.

Nope. You don't go. If you can really manage without dh let him go for a day or two at most. Then he comes home and collects the little ones who go for a day to see their grandparents.

You don't trust him to have two of his own kids at the same time, and you say he's never so much as taken them both to soft play together.. he's useless.

I had a lovely holiday 4 weeks after a c-section and loved being away with family and getting to spend time with baby and toddler somewhere new and special. If you're not up for it, I completely understand but it could be loads of fun and nice to have a couple of extra pairs of hands.