Holiday booked don’t want to go

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ILs booked a holiday about a year ago and asked if we’d go as we live opposite ends of the country so would be a nice way to meet. Was happy to at this point so said yes. We have 2 toddlers so never particularly easy but it’s only a 2 hour drive and they sleep in their own beds so don’t have to lug loads of stuff with us. Now I’m due to have a section in 3 weeks. Holiday is 6 weeks after my section so will have only just started driving again, will probably be sleeping very little as planning to breastfeed etc, and now have to pack a double pram and a moses basket in the car with 3 car seats and everyone squished ( I haven’t even bought a moses basket and don’t really have the budget to buy right now because I otherwise wouldn’t use one anyway and I’m terrified of sids and don’t want to have faith in a random caravan place providing a safe cot).

just feel so anxious about it all now. I keep saying to dh I don’t really want to go etc etc but it never really turns into a proper conversation probably because he wants to go, or if I do bring it up he’ll say ok I’ll get the train and take dd1 (3) which isn’t a solution for me because IL is borderline blind and still drives and I’m worried they convince dh to just pop her in the car with him and something happens etc. also I get ppd and ppa every pregnancy and it’s started early this time rather than just postpartum, so that’s probably contributing but in my experience that’s not going to disappear by 6 weeks pp.

Just feel so anxious and trying to subtly say can we please not do this but it’s not getting me anywhere and I don’t want to upset people

I do yes but only general anxiety years ago. I’ve had ppa and ppd with both previous pregnancies and at the start of this pregnancy was started on sertraline but came off it because it gave me bad headaches. I’ve tried asking my midwife and consultant for help with it at my 34 week appointment last week, literally told them I feel su!cidal and so anxious that I’m struggling to leave the house or even do basic tasks like checking my blood sugars but the consultant just closed my file and said ok see you next week. My midwife said she’ll refer me to a MH consultant but considering my section is 3 weeks away I’m not sure it’ll even be through in time.

i do agree my anxiety is a huge factor in this but a) I’m trying to get help for it and b) there are definitely other factors. I don’t think many women would feel happy being 6 weeks post surgery in a caravan trying to cluster feed around people they’ve met a handful of times, regardless of whether they’re ‘family’ or not

It’s not that I ‘can’t afford’ it. But I’ve never needed a moses basket so £40 for 5 nights away that I don’t even want to go on is an excessive spend to me. It’s going to be used for one holiday then flogged on marketplace for probably less than a tenner - I’m about to have 3 kids, there’s more important things to spend money on

I don’t think many women would feel happy being 6 weeks post surgery in a caravan trying to cluster feed around people they’ve met a handful of times, regardless of whether they’re ‘family’ or not

I agree.
"Husband, this holiday is NOT happening"

We have had holidays booked then fallen pregnant with both of mine with one being 4 weeks old when we went away (chalet for new year with friends) and the other being 6 weeks (caravan).
The packing for it seemed to be never ending and stressful but once we got there we loved both holidays and having help from others with the babies was so good.
Try and see it as a chance to get away and just focus on the children without doing housework or thinking about bills etc.
We have the best memories of those holidays I hope you can too!

The conversation hasn't been totally blocked. He said he'd go with the 3yo. My DH took my 3yo away when I had DC3 and I had some time with the 1yo and newborn. I didn't want the time away from DC1 either, but she got really close to her dad and I had some lovely time with the other two.

He'll have a pushchair, I presume? Travelling with one is no problem. Your 3yo will get to be special, focus of attention. And your DH gets to spend time with his parents. I really think this is the best solution.

Were you sharing the caravn with your inlaws @Layla30?

I’ve had ppa and ppd with both previous pregnancies

Then why in God's name didn't you cancel this horrid trip as soon as you knew you were having DC3?

A lot of the problems and issues you list would have become apparent once you realised you were pregnant again, so you could have cancelled after your 12 week scan?

You need to stand up for yourself here. If you become so poorly in your postpartum period then you simply cannot go away, end of.

The OP is already being treated for anxiety and said she has had postpartum depression with both her prior children.

Sorry, I missed that you'd mentioned ppa/ppd previously.

Then 100%, as I said, I'd be making it very clear to your other half what a risk this would be even if you were inclined to go along with it.

Don’t really know. Was just hoping it wouldn’t happen again I guess. Probably naive

Don't go. By agreeing to such a holiday you are condoning an almost blind person driving.

If you care about the safety of anyone, make sure the DVLA or even if they will act the local police are aware. It is not easy to accept being no longer able to drive, but is better than someone being six foot under as a result.

Your other reasons are enough, but this is even more important.

Can you see about shifting the whole thing to September?

i totally agree and have told dh I think someone needs to say something to him but they won’t, and if I reported him dh would know it was me and I don’t think he’d forgive me for it

It’s paid for/all booked

I don't understand. I don't understand why your MIL is countenancing this. She presumably gave birth at least once? Did she ever have a section? Your dh is a father of two, why doesn't he get it??

I think this may be one of those times you just have to own it. Accept that nobody in your family is going to give you anything but grief, and just refuse anyway. Tbh I don't think your dh should be heading off leaving you for a week at that point post-section either.

And when it's tipping with rain all week so that theyre trapped indoors, the caravan toilet floods backwards, and your PILS get dysentery and end up in an underfunded small A&E, you can at least think 'well, at least I haven't got a jaundiced baby and an infected section scar rn' as you make another cuppa and welcome your older ones back from the park.

What are you looking for from this thread OP?

There are several options available to you that previous posters have shared.

What exactly are you expecting to happen?

You don't want to accept the reality (that your husband is a poor partner and human) and until you realise he is letting you down you can't really move forward.

It's completely ridiculous for a very unwell and postpartum woman to go on this "holiday". If you disagree with that, then just go and stop fussing. If you agree, SAY NO!

right now just say to him...i am absolutely not going and you need to tell your parents it's not manageable 6 weeks pp. He shouldn't be going and leaving you either. The last holiday thing is ridiculous, anyone can drop dead at any time- his dad is well enough to drive for heavens sake, he's using that to manipulate you.

Honestly some of the commenters on here are bloody horrible. How can you say my husband is a poor human? You literally don’t know him. You’re judging him based off the fact that I think it’s not feasible to drag a 1 and 3 year old on multiple trains and buses to a caravan park in the middle of nowhere - I wouldn’t want to do it myself and I’m sure most parents feel the same. That doesn’t make him a ‘poor human’. So nasty.

Well, you actually said a bit more than that: you said he doesn't leave the house if he's got both of the DC.

I wonder why you both decided on a third when you have anxiety problems and he finds two children hard to manage, but don't feel you have to explain that, I knows it's not relevant to this situation or thread.

Three small children like steps of stairs, a husband who won't drive, piles on the guilt about your ILs and can't manage the two children you already have, plus your anxiety, and a holiday that was always ridiculous because you were sharing a single caravan with your ILs!

In laws who the OP barely knows, who are visually impaired, apparently about to drop dead but able to drive and go on holiday.

I stand by my earlier ‘useless’ H comment. And I’d like to add ‘totally unsupportive’. What a total mess.

Not my in laws but our friends! Four adults, toddler, newborn and a dog!
Our friends didn’t have children then but helped by entertaining the toddler, holding the baby when needed and to be honest just being away from the house and not worrying about housework, visitors etc really helped me to relax a bit.

Not my in laws but our friends! Four adults, toddler, newborn and a dog!

Friends - people who you have chosen yourself to spend time with.
Inlaws - you don't chose them. They are the baggage that comes with your spouse.

There is a world of difference between the two, and the OP says she barely knows her inlaws. Plus, she has other issues which you clearly didn't have.

I had diagnosed PND and was just giving another aspect to think about.
Both holidays really helped me and although it did not take away some of the anxiety of dealing with a new baby and toddler it took away the worry of housework, visitors, cooking meals and all that side of things.

Poor human is a rubbish phrase - apologies. I'm in your side. My point was, what type of person ignores the needs of someone very unwell and puts their own needs first? All this nonsense about a last holiday - he can get a train to go visit them in a few months, or invite them over to stay in a hotel. He also - you said - keeps IGNORING you when you raise it... unless I'm mistaken? And you don't want to push it or else he will be grumpy? That's not normal!

Right now you sound like a broken record. A woman putting the needs of others first at the expense of her own health and then wanting some sort of praise for martyrdom?!

Husband can take the older 2 - either public transport or driving.

I have anxiety and had terrible PND and PNA but it didn't give me the right to dictate everything