To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

So what it is about the loungewear you're buying? Do they match? Either there's something specific about it (which will be tacky) or there isn't, in which case it's unnecessary .

No. Very few people actually give a fuck about your day, they come along because it’s the polite and correct thing to do. They will fork out WAY more to be part of your day then they will get back in terms of a meal, which is all they benefit from in terms of finances.

I love the people in my life largely because they aren’t entitled twats, and I go to weddings to celebrate their life choice - however I do so at enormous expense to myself and I expect some humility from the B&G rather than an attitude of ‘aren’t you ever so lucky to be here’

They’re getting free drinks, free meal and an open bar at a high end establishment surrounded by family and friends they are familiar with lol my people don’t hate me, so yes, it is a treat.

And to celebrate YOUR choice they will pay for:

• New outfits
• accomodation and transport
• wedding present
• possibly a hen and stag do to pay for
• possibly childcare and/or time off work

All that costs WAY more than a mass produced 3 course meal worth about £20 and a few drinks so lucky them 😂

Good point.

@MissDeeDeeLove claims if she had to pay for BM dresses she wouldn’t have had bridesmaids at all As she can’t afford dresses… but she does buy them some tacky pyjamas for equally tacky photos.

I wonder how such entitled people find and maintain friendships when they’re such pisstakers

None of them wanted their hair and make up professionally done.

very few things in a wedding is needed, people buy them because they want to.

loungewear is a need for me and my bridal party.

I can’t speak for others.

Also you on a budget to the point you can’t afford bridesmaid dresses but there’s a free bar? So the women important to you have to lose out financially but random family members can sink as much free booze as they like.

Im guessing it’s on of those weddings where a couple want to appear to be having a lavish expensive wedding but actually that’s not the case at all because other people are out of pocket for their party

Why is lounge wear a ‘need’ - has the law changed that you need it to get married?

They probably don’t want their hair and makeup don’t because they have deduced their bride is a CF who makes them pay for everything and they’ve already shelled out for their dresses.

Not in the UK it’s not - certainly until recently.

What’s your point? Are weddings meant to be free?

not sure why you’re so upset about an event you’re not invited to lol relax.

My friends and family don’t hate me lol I am loved by people who don’t see that expense as a burden lol and I don’t see them as a burden either.

I can’t speak for you and your circle.

Sounds like you’ve never been loved. Sad.

Tell them to do one - it’s not ok to have a wedding you can’t afford and then offload the cost onto others.

A family member on DH side had our kids as bridesmaids and then sent me a bill. I'm still fuming about it now.

I’ve been bridesmaid a few times in the UK and never had to pay for my own dress. I was to sort my own shoes or jewellery which I already had plenty of.

A wedding isn’t a need, so what is your point?

you don’t need a wedding to be married at all.

there’s no such thing as a “need” at a wedding. People do things because they want to. Nothing else to it.

Weddings are for the B&G and they should have the humility to not assume every guest is thrilled to spend a fortune - weddings shouldn’t cost the guests the Earth. If you can’t afford the Princess day you want then cut your cloth accordingly, don’t make your guests subsidise it

I don’t see them as a burden either.

Why would you when they’re contributing to the financial running of your party

I had to pay for my shoes, I was a student and skint - but too embarrassed to admit I didn't have the money for shoes to match the dress.

I don’t know about the women you spend time with, but paying less than £100 for a dress is hardly losing out financially.

If I was asking for more than that, then sure.

Well in order to be married there has to be some form of wedding ceremony so you’re wrong.

If there’s no ‘need’ for anything why did YOU say you ‘need’ loungewear for you and your bridesmaid?

I’d never ever make my friends spend £100 to celebrate my day and then have the nerve to say “Oh but here’s some PJs with your name on them, you’re so welcome”. Largely because I’m not selfish and entitled. To many people £100 IS a lot to fork out and yes I do have friends who financially struggle. So sorry for having poor friends 🤣

Theres also other expenses for YOUR day - accessories, hair, make up costs (even if doing themselves, the fact yours are speaks volumes) accommodation, transport, food to eat and drink the night before and next day etc, hen do costs, not to mention their time helping with everything…and you are supposed to think they’re blessed to be spending this much on YOU?

You must have a VERY high opinion of yourself

@MissDeeDeeLove is on the wind up. No way is anyone this cheeky and self centred 😂 🎣

If those guests aren’t happy to travel to a wedding they have been invited to, then they shouldn’t come. Why is that so difficult to understand?

I don’t go to the weddings of people I dislike or view as too burdensome to pay £100 to travel to especially when I’ve most likely known about their wedding months in advance.

if a bridesmaid cannot afford or is not willing to contribute financially or emotionally to whatever the bride is requesting, then she should politely decline.

being a bridesmaid and attending a wedding isn’t an obligation.

Being a bridesmaid is a responsibility - being part of a bridal party in general comes with responsibility and a bride who respects her bridal party, won’t ask them to wear dresses or accessories that cost £100s.

I am unfortunately

Historically and traditionally if the bride has a certain dress or colour or style in mind and requests this then she purchases the dress.

If you are asked to buy your own you can wear whatever you like as long as it's respectful so you don't need to buy a new dress at all. Just wear something you already own.

I am very loved precisely because I don’t surround myself with piss taking cunts looking to use me to fund their ‘special day’

Absolutely not! I'm giving my bridesmaids money (50 each) towards a dress they want as long as it matches my colour scheme I'm not bothered what dress they wear!

I do think very highly of myself. I love myself and my friends and family do too and thankfully don’t view me as a burden. Very grateful ☺️

Do whatever works for you.

Dear god

What aren’t you getting? Wedding are very expensive for guests especially if they have to travel. And you don’t think you need to be grateful for them doing that because “well you don’t have to come!”? You actually think your Princess day is a privilege for them 😂 spoiler alert: 99% of people don’t care about your wedding

if a bridesmaid cannot afford or is not willing to contribute financially or emotionally to whatever the bride is requesting, then she should politely decline.

Wow! Not “Do you know what I love you enough to ask you to be a bridesmaid and if you can’t afford it I’ll buy your dress and hotel room and ditch the free bar idea”. It’s “If you can’t afford my princess day then You Can’t Sit With Us”

Being a bridesmaid is a responsibility

🤣🤣🤣🤣
No it’s a marker of love for the bride, they are responsible for nothing except ensuring they themselves have a nice day.

I don’t believe for a minute you have friends who will be bridesmaids, no one this entitled and selfish maintains friendships.

Oh wait I’m right - it’s your cousins isn’t it? Not friends?