To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

I was once asked to be a bridesmaid… then later I was told I’d have to pay for my own outfit, hair, makeup, etc….
my view was that I wasn’t getting to choose what I wore or how I had my hair so I shouldn’t be paying for it myself….

Seems like she’s realised 10 is too many and is hoping people will drop out …

In my case I declined and told her I couldn’t afford to be her bridesmaid. At least the outfit I bought for the wedding could be worn again and I chose my own hairstyle. The bridesmaids outfits actually weren’t very nice and I’m so glad I didn’t have to wear it!

people claiming it isn’t tradition in the UK. Maybe not in the past,

I don't think you know what tradition means.

Also just because you have really rude friends doesn't prove that being cheap is 'common now' it just says a lot about the company you keep (not something to brag about).

The fact everyone is saying this (people from all different classes, areas and backgrounds) isn't baffling at all it is because its true. The fact everyone is in agreement should of cottoned you on but instead you oddly doubled down with an argument that doesn't even make sense.

I've also always paid for my own dresses when I've been a bridesmaid, although I always got to pick them. Some I wore again many times.

Hopefully this weird "tradition" of the bride paying, and the outfits then going to waste, is dying out

130 big ones! No chance. She's having a laugh.

Hahahaha Christ, you really are a miserable person aren’t you? 😂 bringing up class is really icky of you…

Old tradition yes, brides pay for everything. New tradition, brides ARE letting their bridesmaids pick their dresses and pay. I’m not making up some strange lie. Traditions can change and flex, GASP!

Now before you jump down my throat again, I’m not saying I agree with it - I am paying for all my bridesmaids. I was merely stating it’s becoming a lot more common, not just amongst my friends and family who I keep terrible company with (working, middle and upper middle class if you must know) but also half of the female population I am aware with of whom I don’t keep company with.

How on earth is pointing out that as a collective of posters we are all different classes, backgrounds and areas 'icky'? lol

I can guarantee a middle class woman living down in London has many world views wildly different to mine but the fact so many here are in agreement I would wager a very fair guess at least a few are from such varied differences to my upbringing.

That's just fact, somethings like basic manners and standard etiquette are universal across even the classic separators like class and location divides. North or South, Rich or Poor its still tacky.

Can you get a dupe from Shein?

lol ok

Your last paragraph wreaks of snobbery and self importance at it’s finest.

Interesting note - it’s actually the wealthier middle class people who have made their bridesmaids/me pay that I know of. The more working class or ‘poorer’ as you describe are the ones who have paid for the dresses as a bride. In my experience which you find so hard to believe, of course.

Anyway, OP. In my varied world, sadly I have come across bridesmaids being made to pay. I don’t necessarily agree with it and if it’s something you don’t want to do, I would certainly voice it. Especially if you don’t even have the freedom to choose your own and at your own price range.

It’s not a weird tradition that the person getting married, asking people to be bridesmaids pays for the dresses etc for the wedding. I agree that it’s nice if dresses can be used more than once but asking someone to be a bridesmaid and expecting them to pay for the dress etc is extremely rude and CF IMO.

I hope it fuckin doesn't - dresses don't have to go to waste - loads can be bought second hand or sold off after. One of mine was worn by a cousin for her prom. If bride and groom wants a wedding with certain things in it ect then they pay for it. They don't have to have bridesmaids or flower girls if they don't want or cant afford it. Its up there with asking people to pay for their meal. Don't arrange something you cant afford, you can go and elope of have a town hall wedding with two complete strangers if you want
I bet people who think that bridesmaids should pay for their dresses are the same people who will be saying that grandparents should provide full time childcare for free on tap. They expect things for nothing

Its bad manners - if you want something you pay for it simples !!!!!

Hmm. I wonder: of all the people on this thread who've insisted that brides must choose and pay, how many have dresses hanging unworn in their wardrobes, in a style and colour that don't really suit them?

When my daughters have been bridesmaids the bride paid for the dresses any alterations bridesmaid paid also contributed to hair and makeup costs.
theyve been lucky they liked the dresses .

But if they'd paid for the dress themselves and hated it, it'd still be hanging there unworn. Or, if they'd got something they liked, they'd rewear it.

I sold mine. Bride had originally bought it. I checked with her if it was okay as I was unlikely to wear it again, and asked if she'd like the money I got for it, as weddings are so expensive.

That makes sense, and it was kind of you to offer her the money back.

I don't think anyone should be paying for an outfit they hate. But I do think brides should consider letting go of the tradition that bridesmaids all have to be matchy-matchy. If BMs were allowed to choose what they wore, they could spend according to their budget (maybe even wearing something they already own, imagine!) and get something they liked.

@lemoncurd1995 you’re wrong. Honestly you are.

Tradition where?

I live in northern ireland currently and that would be unheard of with my friends or family

I have never heard of bridesmaids or best/ groomsmen paying for their outfits shoes hair makeup etc..it seems a bit tightwad

I think if you are asked to be in someone's wedding, they should pay for your dress. I paid for my bridesmaids and the for the suits for the groomsmen. I was a bridesmaid at a family wedding where I had to pay for my own dress. I could afford it, but I resented it and had the family politics not been as they were, I would have said no to being a bridesmaid.

I think it's ridiculous that bridesmaids are expected to put out so much money.
I didn't pay for my dress as a bridesmaid and I didn't expect my bridal party to pay for theirs. I also made sure they were dresses that could be wore again.

That’s outrageous. I hate this ‘pay for yourself AND the bride. It’s so cheap! If you want the insta wedding, you should pay for it yourself. Your poor dd! I witnessed similar with a friend (was told I HAD to attend the hen at a racecourse-I hate racing, I find it unbearably cruel) and was deeply thankful I wasn’t a bridesmaid, particularly when they were told they had to stay at a hotel the night before and the night of the wedding, which was ten minutes from home for them!

My bridesmaids paid for their dresses… but I just asked them to choose a dress of their liking that was white. I didn’t get any complaints, one just wore something she already owned which was totally ok. We also paid for their accommodation and flights to our wedding as it was abroad, so I think they thought it was a pretty good deal tbh. I think asking someone to shell out for a specific bridesmaid’s dress, that they might not even like, or ever wear again is a bit cheeky though.

My bridesmaids will be paying for the dresses and accessories. I made sure to choose a relatively affordable dress that could be worn again and said they’re welcome to buy alternatives that look similar.

I am from the UK but wasn’t aware that the bride paid for all the bridesmaids make up and accessories. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have had bridesmaids. I asked my cousins if they wanted to participate in the wedding, they said yes so I presumed they were willing to “pay to play”.

they will be receiving thank you gifts and I’ll be paying for their Wedding Day Lounge wear etc

"Pay to play" ???

What a terribly entitled and pretentious expression.

If a bride wants her bm's to wear a particular dress she should pay for it herself. Or at least have the manners to ASK discretely any bm needs help with costs.

YANBU. The couple getting married should foot the bill for this as well any costs payable if the bride wants them to have their hair or makeup done by the stylist she’s hired.

There is no way I’d have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. Nobody should be asking this, and if they do they need to let the bridesmaids have free choice to choose any colour or style they want so they can use them again.

Bridesmaids aren’t mean to be regular guests - they do all kinds of helping on the day and with prep eg hen party planning - so to expect them to fund the dresses as well is bloody cheeky. If you can’t afford bridesmaids, you don’t have them.

Entitled? How so? They could have declined and I would have been okay with that. If I say yes to something, I make the presumption that it’ll come with conditions and costs.

They’re not having to do anything else. I’m literally planning my own Hen-Do.

I did what works for me. I appreciate that may not work for others.