To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

You make it wound like you are doing them a favour

Exactly - wedding lounge wear ??? WTF is that ? Another Instagram op - no one needs wedding lounge wear

I paid for my bridesmaid dress and also gave them a gift

I used to really love weddings but the stonking entitlement that people who can only afford a registry office and conservative club wedding expect a country house affair at the expense of every fucker else, is ruining it for me. Bang out of order to pay for your own dresses.

I am from the UK but wasn’t aware that the bride paid for all the bridesmaids make up and accessories. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have had bridesmaids.

@MissDeeDeeLove so you’re only having bridesmaids not because these women mean something to you but because they’re forming out to make your pictures look better?

I honestly don’t know who some people think they are sometimes

Wedding lounge wear I believe are cheap fake silk dressing gowns with the wearer’s names on the back and the bride has Mrs <husband surname>. It’s for the benefit of the photgrapher photographing the bride’s party getting ready.

This trend has to be the tackiest, chavviest thing going about weddings and I hope one day we look back and cringe at how such entitled wannabe behaviour was tolerated

That’s what pisses me off about modern brides and grooms - they behave like a ticket to their special day is a real favour and treat. When to most people attending a wedding is a huge commitment - time wise and financial - and brides and grooms want to start remembering this. They are doing YOU the favour showing up to your narc-fest ‘happy day’

How is that relevant? If you’re asking someone the massive favour of being your bridesmaid the least you can do is accommodate that favour as best you can

Exactly its pure tack. I enjoyed the getting ready part and have some lovely phots of it - however i wore jean and a shirt - so i didn't mess up hair and make u. My sister was in leggings and a vest top. I did spend a bit of money on the bridesmaids dress but it was something my sis loved and was comfortable in. She has worn it twice since to events for work so hasn't really gone to waste I wouldn't dream of asking her to pay for anything

@MissDeeDeeLove the absolute audacity 😂

Did you tell them when you asked them that they would be paying? If not, tricking people into paying for your wedding is a bit tacky, don’t you think?

As for ‘pay to play’, do you really think people are in weddings other than to support the bride? It’s not enjoyable in itself normally!

I didn’t trick them at all. They were happy to pay and felt honoured to be my bridesmaids.

Saying that, now that I’m aware that Brides are meant to pay for their bridesmaids dresses, I’ll happily do that, but it’s not something they expect, but more so a kind gesture.

Of course they mean something to me, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked if they wanted to participate. Had I known I was expected to pay for everything, I wouldn’t have asked because I cannot afford to pay for everything.

However, after further thought, I am now paying for a dress of their choice as a kind gesture which they’re very thankful for and didn’t expect. In fact, many insisted on paying for their own dress when I said that I’d happily do it.

i wouldn’t commit myself to something I can’t afford.

Thanks! 😁

Well, we are doing each other a favour lol

i don’t know about you, but i have friends and family who love me and don’t see being my bridesmaids as a burden but more so an honour, therefore they’re willing to participate whoever they can.

like i said, if being a bridesmaid was too much of an ask, they could have said no. I feel the same about being a bridesmaid. If I can’t afford to be one, I’d politely decline.

Wedding Loungewear is so that the bridesmaids have something comfortable to wear whilst they’re getting ready .

If your bridesmaids like walking around naked, that’s on them.

A wedding day is a favour and treat.

why are you going to a wedding if you don’t think it is? Do you hate the people in your life or something? do the people around you class you as a burden rather than someone they wish to celebrate with?

They’re getting free drinks, free meal and an open bar at a high end establishment surrounded by family and friends they are familiar with lol my people don’t hate me, so yes, it is a treat.

Would there own clothes not have worked for this purpose? Do they not own any other clothes and just walk around naked every other day until its your wedding day and then they won't have to be naked?

I do think it's a bit odd to have been planning to spend on loungewear for them but not bridesmaid dresses.

I guess US norms have come over here.

I do agree that being a bridesmaid can be an honour and a good day out. I wouldn't call it a favour or treat tho, because it comes with expectations and duties (depending on what traditions you're going with at your wedding).

It shouldn't cost them shedloads to be one.

Well, no.

Loungewear exists for a reason, and people buy them for a reason.

To lounge in until it’s time to get ready.

I understand. My bridesmaids haven’t had to do anything other than show up and have a good time. I’m literally planning everything with my maid of honour.

my bridesmaids are no proactive in that sense.

Which doesn't explain why loungewear branded with Bridesmaid is required and any other clothing they already own isn't acceptable. I think everyone has items of clothing they are comfortable hanging out it before putting on their dresses.

Who said anything about them being branded with bridesmaids?

that’s a presumption a rather pressed individual made but not something I said.

But it's an expense you didn't need. Most people have comfy clothes or "lounge wear" at home so they could have brought that with them. You seem to not have a huge budget for the wedding, but spending on things that aren't needed and expecting others to fund stuff for you like hair, make up, accessories and before the dresses.

Of course they mean something to me, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked if they wanted to participate.

But only if you don’t have to pay for their dresses.

Had I known I was expected to pay for everything, I wouldn’t have asked because I cannot afford to pay for everything.

So you can’t afford the wedding YOU want so other people have to be out of pocket so you can?

Stonking entitlement

It’s not a kind gesture to pay for something for someone when you’ve chosen for them to be somewhere. The kind gesture is from them agreeing to be BM