My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

She was very generous to give so much away?! She made sure everyone received a generous amount. It sounds like she spent a lot of time with your aunt and was really loved by her.
So I don’t think she is being greedy.

£50000 is a wonderful help towards a deposit for her cousins!

I don't think she's done anything wrong

It's done....move forward

What did you all spend your cash on?

You ungrateful bunch!
How dare you treat her like that and hold contempt for her after how much she gave you!
If you're going to behave like that you better give her back every penny she gave you.

It's okay, you can admit this is a reverse!

They all got 50k each, when they were offered more said they didn't want more than 50k, and 50k is enough for a house deposit in the Midlands, so not sure how the cousins could be struggling to buy, especially as presumably they having savings on top.

We had this in my family. The person who inherited split it equally between their generation (so all the cousins). They didn’t split it between their parents and aunts and uncles, just the generation below. But they split it equally because they never intended to have any kids (it’s been a long time and they never did have kids). Maybe if they had planned to have children of their own, they’d have kept if to pass forward.

She gave you money when she didn't need to and now you're all being mean to her

Poor girl

Your aunt isn’t the cause of the problem. You treating your daughter differently because of your own greed is the cause.

None of you would have been happy no matter what she did .

Maybe your aunt could see what you were all like and that's why she left it to your daughter.

And she was right. Your daughter was nice to give everyone some of it, she didn't have to as it wasn't your aunt's wish.

I can't believe that you are resentful of your daughter!

The cousins got £50k - that's a very decent chunk of a deposit, if not a whole deposit, depending on where you are.

Wise up. Put away the green eyed monster. These things happen. Not your daughters fault. Let her enjoy her life.

It's hers.
Its was given to her, she gave money to everyone.
Enough for a deposit at least, so no, you're all begrudging something that was left to her.

You need to sort out your jealousy and resentment. That girl has been very kind an generous with HER money.

Tough one.

I’d feel pretty hard done to if I was a sibling or cousin.

I couldn’t, in all honesty, have kept the lot to myself if I’d been the one to inherit the lot, but on paper it her money and she’s been more than generous I suppose.

That was really kind of your daughter to share her inheritance. £50k is a good amount to receive as an unexpected windfall.
I couldn't imagine being so ungrateful that I would allow it to fracture my relationship with my daughter, and would be doing everything I could for my ds to accept her generosity without resentment.

You could have received nothing.

Wow.

You're an ungrateful bunch. She didn't have to GIVE you anything.

Have you considered that she spent far more time with her aunt, therefore knew her better?

How often did your son and nephews call or visit their great aunt? How often did you, or your brother?

Jealousy is ugly. You're destroying your own family.

Sounds like your DD effectively gave away £300,000, when she didn't actually have to give away a penny.

It sounds like your DD spent a lot of time with your DD, and that they had a close relationship. Your DD has been left the money and can use it as she pleases; be glad she's invested it in a solid asset, and not blown all the money away, although really it's nobody else's business.

The family are angry with your Aunt, but as she's no longer with you, everyone is misdirecting this towards your DD.

You all need to reframe your thinking; your Aunt didn't owe you anything, any more so than your DD does. You as a family need to accept your Aunt's decision, and treat your DD as you did before the inheritance.

Surely this isn’t a serious post. Your daughter didn’t even have to give any of you a penny, and with the attitude you have I bet she wishes she hadn’t.

Also her cousins got £50,000 from her, they aren’t “struggling to buy” unless they 1) wasted their gifted money or 2) don’t have jobs ?

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again.

No I don't think your aunt (or your daughter) has damaged your family - I think the familiy greed and resentment has damaged the relationship, and I will be surprised if a long time doesn't pass before you hear from her again. You made her unwelcome despite the fact that she has been very generous with her good fortune.

I would say she was greedy. Given the enormous amount of the sum after tax, she could have easily afforded to give £250k to each of you and still bought a flat in London outright. I would be incredibly disappointed if any of my DC did this, although I might well not ask for any money myself, and might encourage my brother not to take any either, so that an even larger sum - say £400k - could go to each of the cousins. Not a good look at all.

Thar anunt and the daughter aren't the problem the ret of you are.

She didn't have to give you anything so she went above and beyond and now you all are having a go at her.

Wise up and treat her better before she decides not to have anything to do with her hateful family.

Goodness. You all sound terribly greedy.

It was your aunt's prerogative to leave her estate to your daughter. Your daughter didn't need to share it with any of you. She did - quite generously - and now you are so aggrieved because you feel that you didn't get enough?

You were not entitled to any of that money. The problem here is that you clearly feel that you were. Had you been banking on an inheritance from your aunt for years, or something? Never a good strategy in my opinion.

It's rather sad that you should be so jealous and resentful towards your own daughter instead of feeling happy for her.

You all got 50000 each!

how does that mean any of you are struggling!

they aren’t struggling to get on the property ladder with a 50 grand deposit unless they want massive houses.

she didn’t need to give anyone anything. She’s the opposite of greedy, she has been incredibly generous.

everyone thinks her choice screams of greed

I think your attitudes scream of jealousy.

Get over it. Its her money. I too would do exactly what she has done and I'd be fuckin delighted with my life.

You're the issue, not her.

Im surprised by the responses here. I would find this really hard, I would be jealous. That’s human nature surely? I hope I would be good enough never to show my jealousy or act differently to anyone because of it. I would vent to dh though.

Is there a back story here. You say the aunt wrote a letter. Is there more to it than this?

I remember a poster writing about something similar before here. The dd had maybe lived with aunt or certainly spent a lot of time with her. I don’t suppose that’s you?

I have some sympathy for your view PP.

Whilst I appreciate it was entirely your aunt's right to do whatever she wanted to with her assets, I do think her decisions may have long term implications for family harmony and I think it was naïve of her not to have considered that.

I'm thinking more of her sibling and cousins here, but I think treating them so differently in her will just because she was the "favourite" (potentially because she was the only girl in the family??) must be hard for them to take.

It's not your daughter's fault but I suspect it's not going to be easy for the others to move on from this.