My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

well he doesn't have to come, I'll do my summer, my way and whichever children want to join me will be welcome

You see this is the joy of not being a parent... you can live life how you want and other people can come along and join in, or not, as they please. It's not like being a parent of multiple children where you have to compromise.

What an absolutely dumb argument that only works on ONE presumption that the doughnuts were intended for everyone.

The trouble is, the inheritance wasn't intended for everyone, was it? It was intended for the DD.

So, to put it in your crass language, the DD is not being a selfish, greedy pig, but instead, has generously given some of her portion of "doughnuts" that were left for HER consumption and HER consumption alone-and taken the rest to do as she wishes with.

One of the more moronic takes in this entire thread-and that is saying something.

For a person living and working in London to buy a flat in a central location after inheriting a substantial sum is a no-brain decision @Goldfishonabike. I would have done the same.

Oh god, Im actually crying with laughter about the doughnuts.

This is too much!

Or, in my case, not even a phone call on Christmas to say thanks for the generous gift of money that was sent to them every year without fail.

Doubtless you’ll all be returning your 50ks on principle. I assume you don’t want “crumbs” from the greedy cow?

Why will her siblings/cousins struggle to get on the property ladder now they have a 50K windfall to buy in the Midlands? What have they done with the money?

If you carry on you will lose your daughter it doesn’t sound like she’d be missing much. I bet any money her brother wouldn’t have split it 50/50 with her if the tale was reversed, whatever he claims now.

I guess you weren’t calling your DD greedy when she gifted you 50k?

I hope you call up your DD to make things right asap. If you don’t, and continue this mentality of being owed something you’re going to loose her.

and put it right because you care about her, not just because you want another hand out.

It was her money to do as she wishes

Inheritance isn't a right , it's a gift

End of !

Don't be so grabby !

The donut thing is so stupid and it has been explained but just in case @Lebr hasn't got it yet - in this case, the aunt hasn't brought the donuts to a family gathering. She's specifically taken them round to the daughter and given them to her along with a card explaining why she wants her to have the donuts and that it is in fact her dying wish for her to have the donuts. And she's still given a couple away out of the kindness of her heart!

99% of comments are telling you that you're in the wrong and you're still refusing to believe it?
If I were her, I'd be demanding the 50k back off each of you, you ungrateful pricks.

She an adult living independently, of course she gets free rein to do what she wants with her money! This is why we’re low contact with one set of parents as they assume we answer to them until they die, that they get a say in how our lives are run forever more.

@Afana I think the letter your aunt wrote her about spending it and having fun is actually showing she really thought it out, and there’s a huge difference between leaving it to someone who spent half the school holidays with you and people who just happen to share blood.

This is interesting as pre kids we were going to leave everything between god children and nieces/nephews. But thinking about it, the majority wouldn’t even say Thankyou!

What happened in my family was that my grandmother’s PARENTS didn’t leave equal amounts for their own three KIDS. I didn’t explain that well, so take no offense at the misplaced comments on people having misplaced entitlement. There was a huge backstory to this including a divorce, new marriages and living abroad and other complications, but none of it was the fault of the kids. One brother inherited a lot more than my grandmother and the other brother. My grandmother graciously ended up giving up her entire inheritance to the brother who was given less and walking away from the whole thing after a prolonged legal battle between the brothers. The brother who inherited the most ended up a recluse in a big mansion crumbling around him, we visited him occasionally as kids,my parents tried to help him but he had already lost his mental health completey. When he passed, he left everything to the Red Cross. Every penny.
The estate he inherited ended up being a curse rather than a blessing.

It is not about liking it or not, it’s about sharing love, joy and not creating divisiveness. What the aunt did was divide and has created division. Inequality always creates division, in families and society at large. Bad karma, all around.

@OP I think you lost this thread. I reckon, if you'd enabled voting, you probably got at best 15% on your side. But it has been extremely interesting to read.

The people creating divisiveness are those unable to accept that people are free to leave their money as they wish. If there’a ‘bad karma’ (if you subscribe to that nonsense), it’s on those people choosing instead to wallow in their bitterness.

If you want to take offense then feel free, it makes no difference to me. The misplaced entitlement comment stands - no one is owed someone else’s money. The daughter was given it, the others weren’t and that’s it. Like I said, if they want to create a victim narrative for themselves then that’s on them. I’m sure they’ll have a lot of fun with that.

exactly - one last spiteful revenge from behind the grave - you never visited! I’ll show you! What a legacy to leave. Just dont. Share it equally or give it all to charity. Do you think those nieces and nephews who visit you more than others will be upset if the others who visit les get the same amount as them? And if so, then there you go, now you know why they visit you 😅😅
leave it all equally and those who don’t visit will feel grateful and maybe slightly ashamed, perhaps it will propel them to do better in the future for others. What sort of emotion do you think favoritism will teach them? Visit, or don’t get paid! Gross

Going by your ridiculous and OTT analogy, the aunt did not drop a tray of donuts. She carefully handed a tray of donuts to OP's DD in a private room out of view of everyone else. Then DD then offered a couple to everyone else. Then they found out there was a whole tray, and got shitty about it.

She gave away 275k out of 1900k? So about 15%? Yes I agree she should have shared out more of it. That's an insane amount for a 24 year old to get for doing....nothing? Or being polite to an aunt twice a year or whatever. Don't understand all these people saying the OP is the greedy one. That boyfriend must be laughing. Maybe giving 50% to people would have been fair/decent. Won't ever happen to me so I guess I can be generous with it.

No one earns an inheritance.

And she spent her summers with her aunt, she lived with her during COVID, and they did a lot of things together. She hardly saw her twice a year. No one else bothered with her.

Yes, OP is the greedy one; it's always greedy to expect someone to give you a share of their money just because.