My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

This^
I would it blame your daughter if she decided to cut the lot of you off.
Dreadful attitude.
You get on with your lives and let your DD get on with hers.

I understand jealousy from the brother and cousins, even if they understand that they didn't have the same relationship with their great aunt, I think it is natural to be a bit jealous. Although I wouldn't be complaining about someone giving me £50k.

I can't really understand OP begrudging her daughter the money, and the security it brings.

No, you’re all massively greedy and unreasonable.

Inheritances should be split exactly as the person leaving them intended.

No wonder she left. No wonder she was the favourite.

Your daughter hasn't done anything wrong but I do feel your aunt was wrong to display such obvious favouritism to one child during her lifetime, especially if it started when your DS was still very young. As a parent I would find it hard to watch this due to the impact on the least favoured child. I really think you should be happy for your daughter now though.

Different issues.

1. Yes, the money, partly because it was SO much, has irrevocably altered the relations in your family. It was unfair of your aunt to give her so much. But she was free to do what she wanted.

1. It was nice of your DD to share some of it. She didn't have to. £50k is better than none after all.

1. Your DD has shown who she is. My grandfather wrote his will saying that were my father dead when he (grandfather) died, my father's share of the inheritance would pass directly to my brother and I. We were specifically named. He said the same for my aunt and her children, but they weren't named, they were "aunt's children". Why the difference? Because my grandfather essentially wrote my half brother out of his will. My brother and I were horrified by this and said to each other we'd have shared equally with half brother. We have never met half brother. Your DD didn't feel this. I can't say it's wrong or right, but that's how it is. She was happy not to share it more equally with her family. Perhaps though, in your family other family members would have behaved the same as her if they were in her place.

Best thing to do is accept it and move forward. She is who she is and that won't be changing. She's also not responsible for giving you all money. She was nice, could have been nicer, but what's done is done.

However, if she comes back to family events and flaunts her holidays and home etc, then I'd be taking her to the side for a few words about that being inappropriate.

It's almost, I dunno, unbelievable?

I would be gutted if my DD inherited 1.9 million and her brother ended up with 50k. Yes it was the Aunts wishes but I'd bet my bottom dollar the vast majority of siblings would feel the same.

she's given away nearly a quarter of a million and you're whinging and saying it's not fair?
Give the £50k back if you're that offended.

Were you all banking on getting a nice split when your childless aunt passed?

I don’t understand your thinking op. Your daughter shared her inheritance - she did not have to.

If for example, you had won £1.9m on the lottery, would you have given £££ to your cousins? I wouldn’t.

I understand that Great Aunt was their relative too, but presumably, aunt did not feel that she had a great relationship with the others.

The only people who come out well in your story are your parents and your daughter.

Aunt is allowed to leave her money to who she wants.

Human nature to be jealous of your own child's good fortune?

No, I don't think that is just human nature. I would understand a sibling maybe feeling that way, or a cousin, but the woman's own mother?

I honestly can't imagine ever resenting my daughter in this way.

Yeah I think your DD should've shared equally too.

In no way would I want to be the only rich relative while the rest of my family struggled.

No your aunt and you DD have done absolutely nothing wrong. It is the rest of you tearing your family apart by being so greedy!

How unfair on your daughter! She gave away huge amounts of money, when she didn't have to, and yet you are all still so ungrateful. Just be pleased for your daughter's good fortune. The rest of this family need to grow up.

I agree @pistachioicecream , I can’t think of a single family I know that wouldn’t be changed forever by this. Really hard for everyone involved, including dd.

I don’t play the lottery, but if i did and won a jackpot, I would split it equally between my siblings and DH’s family. Not because I’m a good or generous person, but because it would ruin important relationships if there were huge wealth differences.

So you all think you were owed your aunt's estate even though it was your DD who was close to her and made the effort with her. You're all utterly wrong and I'm so sorry for your DD that this has shown her how little she is really loved by her family, apart from her aunt.

Agree with others your DD is doing nothing wrong and has been generous. I don't see how anyone can be struggling to buy or do anything having been gifted £50k - it screams of entitlement. The money is rightfully hers to do with as she wishes

She gave everyone loads! She spent alot of time with her aunt and they clearly had a stronger relationship.

If you live in the Midlands She gave everyone a house deposit, so I don't see the problem.

You yourselves resenting it is the worst bit. My mum resents our lives being easier than hers, it has massively affected her relationship with her children and grandchildren

They're not struggling they just got handed a lot of money!

And of course she got everything she was the favourite. That's how inheritance works.

Did the other relatives put effort into the relationship?

It happens

I know people who have inherited everything from a person either because the person was childless, or they were the only child to help their parent.

In all cases the person who inherited put themselves out to have a close relationship with that person.

In her shoes I'd of likely given more to my brother to be honest maybe a couple of hundred thousand but the fact she even gave anything to anyone was generous. I think you are all being out of order to her and need to suck it up, she's inherited it and doesn't owe you anything. I'd never treat my daughter like you are in your shoes.

Bet that boyfriend is feeling pleased 😁
Watch out for a ring soon.

Seriously though. You have one life, no point spending it resentful of not being the chosen inheritor.

@Medschoolmum good point, I think maybe I phrased that wrong.

I wouldn’t be jealous of dd, by hyper aware of the impact on my sons. So a deferred jealousy.

Yes the aunt has caused a problem but think the daughter could have given away a lot more, especially to her brother. I know I couldn't do that to my siblings.

Hasn't she thought how she would feel if it were her brother that bought the London flat and holidays and she got £50k?