To think it’s poor form for giving bad news over text?

[Ivorymoon]

DH was given some shocking and upsetting news over the weekend, which was delivered from his DM via text. He received this message just before we were going into a health appointment for our baby, so it was terrible timing. He had no idea that he was going to receive such news, otherwise he would not have checked his messages at that time.

My own DM has form for giving me bad news over text, including informing me that she had cancer and when family members have died. Admittedly I do message people more than I call them, however any potentially upsetting news I will call instead. I am mindful that someone could be at work / at an appointment/ not in a position to receive bad news, and opening a message with no prior warning can be very distressing. At least over the phone you can make sure that the recipient is in a position to take the call.

I can see how it could be easier for the deliverer of bad news to text instead as it means they do not have to deal with any emotional reaction they would get over the phone. It’s quite avoidant and lacking care and consideration for the recipient IMO.

AIBU to think giving someone bad news via text is poor form and should be done over the phone instead? Ideally this would happen in person but this often isn’t possible for a multitude of reasons.

What? Ever? I was told my dad had died by my mum. Luckily we wasn't chalking up who had the greater right of grief. Weird.

It's more going on to the next tiers of people.
With family you can tell someone who's a step removed from the deceased Neice / Nephews or if it's a young person an Auntie or Uncle and let them tell others.

Friends can be more difficult their may be people you need to tell but can't face multiple calls.
And if the only way for the bereaved to get that information across is by text or group chat so be it.

I received a birthday card from my brother and underneath the usual greetings he informed me that he has stomach cancer🥺

I’m doing ok. Minus a leg, but alive and treatment is almost over, so far so good! Thank you for asking.

I’ll hazard a guess from this thread that you may not manage to be thoughtful or considerate at times also.

But as someone who delivers a lot of bad news over the phone - I’m afraid it doesn’t really help. Most people answer their phone when it rings, they don’t wait until they’re in the right physical or emotional space to receive bad news. There isn’t really a perfect way to do this difficult thing, as people with empathy realise, I think.

One of the risks of texting if its someone close, is that you don't read it before you find out by other means.

That's just a risk that exists, unfortunately.

I know some who found out about a cousins death via a rumour from a friend, who'd heard via work.

They went to check with their parents to find them being told in person.