In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

I bet he’d be capable of understanding if he was the coeliac and was suffering the consequences of being glutened. What a colossal dick!

That's just ridiculous. Your DH has 'blank spots' about what could potentially make his dd really sick? No way.

Some people genuinely don't understand. There is no spite or malice involved, simply a lack of knowledge. For example, OP's potatoes in goose fat - it may not have registered with them that the goose fat isn't suitable for vegetarians.

The clue is the word "goose"

I do love that you have to be "fully immersed in vegetarian philosophy" to know that pancetta is meat. Or to buy something from the M&S range with "suitable for vegetarians" written on it in big friendly letters.....

Right.

Pretty sure I was taught what a vegetable is and what meat is in primary school.

I didn’t know it was such a hardship to walk over to the vegetable area of a shop, pick up one of the numerous bags of veggies and veggie side dishes that are typically on offer, take it home, poke a few holes and microwave for 2-3 minutes.

Blimey - sounds like you would be hostess with the mostess.

Do you insist that your guest go and wash their hands, finish everything on their plate, eat in silence and ask to be excised after the meal.

Where people are your guests you do your utmost to make them comfortable including food they would like to eat.

Im guessing you don’t host much (or in any case many people more than once)

Anyone who serves a vegetarian goose fat cooked potatoes is, I'm sorry, either stupid or rude.

Or, why not have a common food and serve a vegetarian or vegan meal. Not catering in a manner which everyone can eat is really all about the non- vegetarian making it all about them and excluding the vegetarian.

@TwistTwoo your husband has no excuse.. that’s VERY poor
I have coeliac relatives and we all ensure we are clued up on it.
as a father, he should no better. Doesn’t sound that intelligent to me.. sounds V lazy!

Someone said earlier that vegetarians are fussy eaters and no one should accommodate that. That’s not right. I’ve been a vegetarian for 37 years and my digestive system can no longer process meat. When I’ve accidentally eaten meat ( hidden in food - like bits of bacon , pancetta etc) it has caused me pain and bloating for a few days after.

what sort of host are they to invite someone for a meal and then give them something they can’t eat?

If I was regularly being invited to eat at a house where there was no effort to provide for my dietary requirements I would take a packed lunch and eat that if I became hungry. No way would I risk eating their food.

I have been a vegetarian since birth and I am now in my fifties. ( I am of Indian heritage and some of us are just brought up like this for generations) I have the same digestive system. I have attempted to eat chicken to make life easier, but I just can't seem to digest it very well. ( Not that I will die or anything but it's not pleasant).

Like some people can't eat lentils or beans, but I can all day long, because that is what I was weaned on.I eat every single vegetable from bitter gourds to kale, every single grain, dairy and eggs, so I do actually think I am not a fussy eater.

That person also said people with allergies and religious restrictions were fussy eaters, so I think she can safely be ignored.

Some people take vegetarianism as a personal criticism and become either passive aggressive like these in laws or openly aggressive like some bizarre posters on this thread.
I have been vegetarian all my adult life so the past 38 years. I don’t try and preach my values and choices to friends or family as this would be rude. They in turn accommodate my not very complicated diet because this is polite.

*know better. Gosh that typos annoyed me 🤣

But they CAN join in, @OldPerson, if the host just takes the simple step of providing vegetarian food. Even the most committed meat eater can eat - AND ENJOY - a vegetarian meal from time to time. Only last night, dh and I had falafel wraps for our dinner - the only thing that stopped them being vegan was the tzaziki - and guess what - we didn't miss meat at all!

I am not a vegetarian, nor do I often cook vegetarian meals, but I could easily think of a number of meals that would either be completely vegetarian (but would not leave the omnivores feeling short-changed) or that would have some food suitable for vegetarians and omnivores, but with a different centrepiece for the vegetarians.

Surely, if you invite someone to eat at your house, it is because you like them - and if you like them, why wouldn't you want to feed them well?

Getting an extra tray of veggie suitable veggies while at M and S and something suitable for vegetarians, which M and S do sell would not entail any extra work and would be what a good host would do.
If I knew someone has particular dietary needs, whether they be ethical, religious or medical, or just they absolutely hate a certain food, I do my best to make sure that I accommodate their needs.

This is a typical mumsnet thread about a vegetarian with a genuine issue. Doesn't take long to be derailed by stalwart anti vegetarian meat eaters. The OP seems to have gone awol, and a lot of the comments are sounding very similar to victim blaming.

I mean the in laws buy the roast potatoes from M&S they're hardly putting in much effort. How difficult is it to buy something else at the same time with a large green V symbol on it? You don't need an Oxford degree to read the packaging.

Surely, if you invite someone to eat at your house, it is because you like them - and if you like them, why wouldn't you want to feed them well?

Exactly @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I love hosting and making my guests feel welcome and comfortable.

@OldPerson

And yet vegetarians consider themselves and demand to be special needs. They can't join in - especially a familly gathering - without rearing their special needs.

The image that has been created of the life like and natural Vegetarian in this thread is Hilarious 😂😂😂Don't forget the all encompassing fear that The Vegetarian is only there because they want to convert everyone to give up meat.

My DH told his family that he was not going to eat Meat or Poultry anymore and all the reasons why THIRTY YEARS AGO. They all accepted it and its never been discussed in decades. I used to think my PILs, were difficult in some ways, but after this thread I'm not so sure. They simply had a stock of suitable for veg food in the freezer, put it on the table with everything else and we all carried on.

All our friends and people we eat with know this, and NONE of them have ever sneaked meat into a meal or insisted that every dish should contain meat.

I wouldn't put sugar in a diabetic's food for example. I've catered for friends who eat anything but also those that can't eat pork or shellfish, or are gluten or lactose intolerant, or are allergic to nuts. Nor has anyone ever insisted that I serve them meat as most people have varied diets.
It's mentioned once and everyone moves on. The OP's MIL is being very unreasonable.

I do sometimes wonder why eating meat at every meal is so important to some. Up until very recently people could only afford meat very rarely! People would mainly be eating vegetarian meals (or really poor cheap cuts of meat).

what is it in someone’s psychology that makes them think their desire for meat trumps someone else’s need to not eat it. It’s utterly bizarre. Is it a status thing? A control thing? A guilt thing?

if anyone put meat dairy or eggs in my food I would be violently sick for days. I would treat it as an intent to harm and speak with the police. Do people honestly not know how dangerous it is? People who haven’t eaten meat for a long time can get very sick from eating it.

I never understand these meal social situations..like if your served something you can't stand what are you meant to do? Is it really offensive to just say thank you and leave it?
Sorry this isn't relating directly to vegetarian and main issue OP posted. But im never sure how your meant to respond as there are always contrasting expectations illiciting such strong reactions. But if you can't eat it, you can't eat it?

As with the OP. Idk as my own mum has known me all my life and still serves brussel sprouts stating i love them...when i have never ever eaten one 😂😂 she also served peanut sauce when my DH is highly allergic to nuts 😂😂 nothing intentional we tell her all the time but it just doesn't click. So not sure its completely them being awkward and just not thinking? I guess you wont know till you chat with them :/

And here it is again. Yet another works function - this time with nothing I can actually eat on the menu. Not even the plate of boiled rice I had at the last one!

That's just lazy and neglectful as a parent he should know what his daughter can and can't have.

When I became a vegetarian at 15 my dgm joined me. Her suggestion..
If my mil had cooked me a Special Vegi option eating it would still have been an endurance test. Egg and chips was my regular meal there. And I had to wash the pan and fry my own egg.
At 15 so in 1986 I ate at a pub one lunchtime with bf's dps... . The chef actually popped his head round the door and commented they had never served a vegetarian before.. I got a salad with a whole block of grated cheese on top!!
I imagine if i had been vegan it would have been a straight salad!

Is it an option not to go?
Did you request something you could eat?