In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

To quote Old Person this just sums up the whole thing right here.
"And those who have particular "special needs" for eating - just bring your own food and join in."

The "problem" if you choose to call it that. It's drama more than a real problem and so easily resolved by any competent, non narcy adult wishing to accomodate themselves and their own eating agenda.

That's really all it comes down to isn't it? If someone chooses to not eat meat and knows that their family, friends, co-workers, aquaintances all choose meat and serve it in their own homes the super simple solution is for them (the one with the chosen eating issues/restraints/conditions-disordered eating) to bring what they want to eat and join the rest of the family at the table and enjoy food and company together. What not to do would be to turn it into a passive/aggressive battle at every meal and cry "poor me" "look at me" "I can't eat this poison" "accomodate me" and continue this for years and years and post on mumsnet for support from like minded drama inducers while still continuing their ginormous pity party world wide. Just bring some rice and beans and be happy that you have family that wants your company at the table. Don't lose sight of what is the important part of any shared meal. The food could be anything at all and, of course, everyone can choose to eat any food at all or not to eat any food at all. The important part is the socialization not the attention seeking drama about peas or ham.

Have another one of these @OldPerson

Definitely going to live up to my name and take my rice and beans with me everywhere I go like a horse with a nosebag from now on.

These posts are totally missing the point.

It isn’t that people can’t work out that a vegetarian pizza is probably… well… vegetarian.

It’s that it’s being billed as totally disrespectful for people not to want to “ educate” themselves about something that for their own reasons ( some of which have been tabled) people might have they may have very little proclivity towards. Yet somehow not disrespectful for others to call them thick etc . Are you really not able to perceive the double standard?

This! All of this! The need of the vegetarian to turn the whole meal, the whole conversation and the whole focus of the get together to them and their chosen dietary restrictions is just the epitome of narcissism. Just bring what you choose to eat or eat what is served at the gathering. Enjoy the company and look outside your vegetarian self for a hot second.

Because there aren't "double standards" beyond what you and Old Person have invented. Along with your and Old Person's increasingly incredible reasons why it might be apparently be difficult to cater for a vegetarian guest.

The the OP's in-laws, who despite knowing she doesn't eat meat are too thick, lazy, narrow minded and petty to add an M&S vegetarian dish when they're doing the rest of the Sunday roast shopping in M&S. What on earth is there to respect?

Oh fgs what a load of tosh. Bottom line it's a pretty sad excuse for a host if they can't cater for a known vegetarian.

If there are any narcissists on this thread, it's certainly not the vegetarians.

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The important part is the socialization not the attention seeking drama about peas or ham.

So you’re saying it’s okay for a host who supposedly cares about socialising to be as antisocial as possible towards one of their guests?

I have said not one thing about the difficulties of catering for a vegetarian.

Nor did I defend the in-laws.

What I have taken issue with is the posts in this thread bandying about insults to people who are not fully immersed in vegetarian philosophy.
And don’t lump me with Old Person because she has also been rude.

What I have taken issue with is the posts in this thread bandying about insults to people who are not fully immersed in vegetarian philosophy.

more hyperbole. No one has demanded anyone be "fully immersed in vegetarian philosophy".

Have you even read this thread properly?

Upthread it was suggested that people who don’t cater to vegetarians need to be given a book on the topic.

You keep saying I’ve said things I haven’t.

And yet not knowing all about gelatine is said to be ignorant …

And yet not knowing all about gelatine is said to be ignorant …

No one is saying people need to be able to write a dissertation on the lifecycle of gelatine from bones to blackcurrant jelly. But you’d have to be pretty thick to reach adulthood and not know it was an animal product.

Think we have another (or perhaps the same) “Oxford graduate” here…

LOL. I love your name and your comment. I bring my rice and beans (and banana bread) with me everywhere and I'm not even vegetarian anymore! I just like to eat and like good company. I try to focus on the good around us and let the petty dramas that require self aggrandizement slip by the wayside. I would probably even cook the OP a veggie meal just for the fun of creating it. But since I'm not her in-laws she has to come up with an easy win win and enjoy the company and the meal and not make it all about her eating choices every single time because really and obviously they only matter to her, in the same way that all eating choices only matter to each one of us. So bring the rice and beans or the steak and potatoes and enjoy the meal. Not so sure that that is a respected attitude on mumsnet or FB or anywhere irl but we could all use a giant dose of putting ourselves aside for a hot second, appreciating when anyone actually invites us to share a meal and figuring out how to enjoy it as best we can. It's an easy answer if you're looking to find one, impossible if you choose to continue to be a thorn in the side of your hosts and continue a relentless pity party and passive aggressive battle about food choices. Obviously, the OP has deeper issues with her in-laws than her food choices. She chooses to use them to continue a bizarre battle that she will lose every time until she decides to be the adult. Be done with it. Grow up, adult the way adults are meant to and just bring food that she likes to eat. Or eat the food they serve. Or eat before going there. Or eat after going there. Or don't eat. The issue isn't the food. The issue is control and attention seeking. Way too deep for mumsnet, FB or anyone other than OP's therapist. But it's fun to read all of this as I successfully procrastinate doing anything I actually should be doing right now. :)

It's not about the food. The issue with the in-laws in so much deeper than the food. She could bring her own meal. She chooses to engage in a p/a battle for attention and control by inventing this drama. It's not a food issue, it's a control and attention issue.

I quoted what you said !

You're the one making things up with your hyperbolic spins. As others have said knowing what gelatine is, isn't an obscure fact.

Sorry, but stop ‘tolerating’ this nonsense. Why do you find it so hard to just tell them to their faces? It’s pretty obvious if you’ve always been vegetarian since they’ve known you. I’d be furious. Don’t they want you to feel cared for?

She hasn’t invented a drama. They’ve created one by deliberately serving her meat.

Some people genuinely don't understand. There is no spite or malice involved, simply a lack of knowledge. For example, OP's potatoes in goose fat - it may not have registered with them that the goose fat isn't suitable for vegetarians.

My DD has been a diagnosed coeliac for a number of years now. She is also sensitive to many vegetables. Despite this, my DH always offers her bread, biscuits, and foods she can't have as he's never really understood the mechanics of the problem. It isn't that he doesn't want to, he just doesn't remember.

@TwistTwoo I can't believe what I've just read. Are you saying your dd can't trust her own father not to give her food that makes her ill???

I should add she's a young adult, and she knows what she can and can't eat. He simply doesn't quite understand what foods are not allowable, and why. I can explain to him quite carefully, but it doesn't stick. He's an extremely intelligent man, but has some blank spots, as we all do.

@TwistTwoo I hope he never puts fuel in the car- diesel/petrol mix ups can be expensive.

Eat before you go or bring your own meat free meal. It’s more a case of them being bloody difficult, I’m surprised your husband hasn’t took them to task?