In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

What "older generations" are you referring to?

Nonsense, all true Brits eat roast beef and nothing else, three times a day, come hell or high water. We didn’t win the Battle of Stalingrad by eating potatoes. Perhaps you are one of those Scottish types?

My parents age for instance.

I think it's incredibly rude of your in laws and must be deliberate. My daughter has been vegetarian since she was 14 - so for nine years - and I've always respected that. It's just not that hard. We offer to take food for her if it's a problem when going to other people's houses - say for Sunday lunch.

I think you should either not go or insist on bringing your own lunch.

I thought it was funny - and understand the drive to lighten up a thread becoming very rude and aggressive.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle

"Honestly give me strength. Being vegetarian or vegan is, for the vast majority of people who choose to be so, a philosophical choice because they care about animal welfare.

I'm not vegetarian but I don't eat a number of animal products for animal welfare reasons. I don't eat pork for example. If someone served me roast pork I would eat the vegetables and potatoes. I couldn't force it down as, for no other reason, I really dislike the taste. At a Hogmanay dinner last year roast pork was on offer. The cook didn't know I didn't eat it but because he's not a complete dick (a) he'd prepared a selection of dishes and (b) he wasn't in the least bit bothered as I ate his lovely, non meat dishes.

It's really, really, really not difficult to cook a meal which doesn't contain meat."

The HUGE difference here is that you can remove the meat from your plate and eat the non-meat foods. If someone serves me food with gluten I can't pick the gluten containing foods off the plate because the cross contamination would make me sick for about 10 days. Somehow I feel that me shitting lava and having the resulting gut damage that can take up to 12 weeks to heal is slightly worse than the hurt feelings of a veggie/vegan.

There are such shocking attitudes towards veganism and vegetarianism on mumsnet

I mean you get people thinking FOIS GRAS is ok!! 🤯

Which is what?

'Parents age' could be 40 or 90!

I'm vegetarian and I would bring my own meal

You are right about the attitudes. I find it in real life too if I'm honest. I was vegetarian for years and the number of people who thought I should have, for example, a tuna sandwich was unbelievable. As if fish aren't sentient creatures! A lot of folk consider it faddy and inconvenient, especially when you find yourself in the position of not being able to eat anything on a menu. Or there is one option and - shock horror - you don't like it. You are given the eye roll while everyone else goes 'oh what shall I have from this amazing meaty selection?'😆 if we have vegetarian or vegan guests, I cook something vegetarian/vegan for them and sling a bit of meat on the plate for anyone who can't live without it for one sodding meal, rather than the other way round. But then I was vegetarian when I was getting to grips with cooking, so it's not a big deal to me.

My parents are in between

I’m sure they are doing it on purpose and it’s very rude. You shouldn’t need to remind them but what do you say when then serve you meat?

If you politely push it aside and say nothing then maybe they need constantly reminding? ‘Oh no the peas have pancetta, I’m vegetarian as you know, do you have any vegetables without meat that I can eat?’

Then DH gets involved so
In-laws ‘would you like to come over for lunch’
DH ‘that would be lovely, just a reminder OP is vegetarian - she wasn’t able to eat much last time - shall she bring her own food or will you do some veggie food?’

No you shouldn’t have to. But clearly they need pulling up on it.

No they're not still vegan, they're omnivores who usually eat vegan food.

Just how old are your oarents @Calliopespa?

You really do talk utter nonsense.

Old enough to be respected! Are you suggesting age is relevant to being deserving of respect?!

They are a lot younger than 90.

@OldPerson

none of us should be eating meat, it’s cruel

so vegetarians are superior

I'm an Oxford grad, so always happy to debate.

That's more of a rant. A diatribe. A lecture at a pinch @OldPerson.

So 60ish to 70ish?

I'll be 65 in a month's time. I'm sick of rude, ignorant and bigoted behaviour being passed off on MN as "oh it's generational/ just older people"

It's patronising for starters as it assumes anyone born before the date a poster thinks of as "old" is incapable of learning or keeping up.

It also ignores these "older people" if born after say 1960 lived through huge societal changes anyway. Whatever it is they're supposed to be too old enough to know about is probably well within their experience.

👏👏👏

I'm 65, and have been cooking for vegetarian friends since my twenties.

If someone my age felt that they couldn't think of a vegetarian meal to cook (or didn't know what gelatine was made from) I would judge them harshly feel embarrassed for them.

I made vegan cakes for a wedding recently. I cater for all the guests with dietary requirements at fund raisers. It isn't difficult. Just google anything you are unsure about.

I didn't go to Oxford BTW

People in their 60s were in their 20s in the 1980s. Vegetarians were not uncommon then. This isn’t a new thing.

I have coeliac disease… I have aunts and cousins with coeliac disease. I know it’s not an allergy but an autoimmune condition, but it was easier to explain it to my grandmother as an allergy. (Tbh, given her gut issues, it’s entirely likely SHE had it too, but that’s a whole different ball game.) My so. Has anaphylaxis to nuts and kiwi, I have cousins who have anaphylaxis to other fruit, some nuts, seeds, etc, I also have anaphylaxis to a few food items. My grandmother who was a woman of her time, couldn’t wrap her head around it. “In our day, we didn’t have time for this allergy rubbish. You ate what you were given or you starved.” She was right, but they also had kids dying all of a sudden for no known reason and other kids with “Failure to Thrive”, amongst other horrible deaths.

You can’t change people’s reactions, but you can change yours. In fact it is your responsibility to change your reaction or nothing will ever change at all. If this means letting them know you’ve had it and that you think they’re rude and ignorant, so be it. If you make it a quiet protest by bringing pre-prepared food, that’s okay too. It will change it up.

@Dewdilly
Your title is misleading. I was ready to come on and say you’re an adult, so eat what you are given and don’t be fussy.

You seriously think people should be forced to eat things they don’t like? 🙄

Why does it need to be a competition? Surely a good host wants to make their guests comfortable. “If it’s not an allergy, I’m not interested” is a pretty dismissive and unpleasant attitude.