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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

162 replies

Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 00:47

My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

OP posts:
LondonJax · 01/04/2024 10:49

If it were as easy as that @Bigbenbube, a lot more parents would have a diagnosis much earlier in their child's life.

My DS's best friend is autistic. He was diagnosed at about 3 years old. He wasn't speaking when he started pre-school. He had speech therapy, went to the local primary and secondary with my DS and has now got a place in a local college doing engineering. He can now speak for England (you can't shut him up!) He's had to do resits in some exams as he found them hard, but passed 2nd time around. Job done. A pass is a pass.

The point is that there are varying degrees of autism. My DS's other friend is also autistic, passed all her GCSEs with grade 6 or above (2 grade 9's). She doesn't like too much noise and has learned to 'build up her reserves' if there's a school prom or party - she'll have a quiet day the day before. It works for her and her friends respect that so arrange things around it. No one can say 'an autistic child will be like this' under every circumstance. Autism doesn't work like that.

DS was a quiet baby...except at night when he woke every four hours! During the day he was alert but giggly rather than crying. Not autistic to my knowledge.

As far as interaction is concerned. I just had him in his chair in the kitchen when I was cooking. I may have chatted about what I was doing or I may have had the radio on and been singing along (or arguing with someone on the radio if it was a chatshow). We'd have a story every day. Didn't matter what it was (my friend used to read to her kids pieces from the newspaper as she got bored with kids books sometimes - prolific readers now).

We'd also have the TV on for a while as I needed a break! Sometimes for the whole day when I just wasn't in 'mummy entertaining' mood. Sometimes kids TV but I used to have a cup of tea every day whilst watching old 'Murder she Wrote' programmes (there's only so much rhyme time you can cope with even on a good day!) My DS used to sing the theme tune when he was a toddler - I may have had that on rather TOO much (ha ha!)

As he grew older we'd do his train set, go to the park, do obstacle courses with old boxes, do craft stuff and go to toddler groups a couple of times a week - he met his best friend when they were on a mat together at 6 months old!

I'd always tell him what I was doing to him - 'let's change your nappy, I'm just going to lift your legs up, time to get you cleaned up'. It's chatter and I just feel it's nice to tell them what you're going to do! And DH and I would little games like finger walking up DS's tummy and going 'boo' when his nappy was off.

You're doing just fine - please don't get caught up on 'I must do three hours interaction every day'. You're not a machine - you're a mum. Talk is talk. Your child likes your voice - they don't care if you're talking about cutting up carrots or doing a specific chatty game. They have no idea of the difference. Showing your DC the bubbles in your washing up water (blowing them gently to show them moving is a good trick) is interaction just the same as doing bubble blowing games.

Saschka · 01/04/2024 10:53

I’ve never seen him cry without a good reason

Most babies don’t cry without good reason! Excluding colic etc.

Honestly, ignore your aunt - this is triggering your PPA again. Your baby cries, you attend to his needs, he stops crying. That is totally normal and what is meant to happen.

PonyPatter44 · 01/04/2024 10:56

4 months is much, much too early for a diagnosis. If you can get yourself out of the house with baby every day, to baby groups or the children's centre, that would be good for both of you. Your baby will get lots of socialisation and new experiences, and you will get some company, some good advice and maybe make some mum friends as well. There are a lot of really cheap or free baby groups around - have a look on the community noticeboard in your local supermarket and in the library.

ru53 · 01/04/2024 11:16

I’m not just saying this but it sounds like you are doing a great job. He’s probably not crying much because you are meeting his needs. My baby wasn’t a big crier at that age either and we’ve got no concerns at this point (nearly 1). She’s just been quite chilled from day 1, they really are all different. Agree with PP try to find some local groups you can drop in to, there will be some free or at least very cheap things around. It will do you both good to get out of the house and meeting other parents & babies. Even take him to the park to just watch other kids playing!

pinkyredrose · 01/04/2024 11:19

Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 00:47

My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

Ah the first yr psychology student strikes again! Take no notice Op, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Pookerrod · 01/04/2024 11:22

My first was an angel baby. She never ever cried. She was just so contented. Used to love people watching or watching the world go by. People always used to comment that she was just such a contented, happy little thing.

I foolishly thought it was because I was such a natural mother 😂. My second discredited that theory!

My angel baby is NT and a really tricky teenager now!

macymay123 · 01/04/2024 12:08

No specialist who has been trained to diagnose autism would have made that statement. I would highly recommend that you keep your distance from this aunt who is making these incorrect and unhelpful statements. If she's making such comments about a 4 month old, she'll have loads to say when she's starting to walk and talk. Raising a child is hard as it is, don't make it harder by keeping people like this in your life.

Bex268 · 01/04/2024 16:30

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 09:21

Just wondering, was there any mention of lockdown having an affect here. As in, not the usual amount of contact with lots of people that a child would normally have? It's just something I remember being mentioned at the time, so it could just be a delay due to circumstances rather than anything else. Sorry if I'm way off the mark.

It’s an interesting one, isn’t it. He’s definitely autistic, through and through, but I worry that his lack of speech is down to lockdown (or that it didn’t help). It keeps me awake at night worrying - he’s vulnerable because he doesn’t talk yet.

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 16:44

Bex268 · 01/04/2024 16:30

It’s an interesting one, isn’t it. He’s definitely autistic, through and through, but I worry that his lack of speech is down to lockdown (or that it didn’t help). It keeps me awake at night worrying - he’s vulnerable because he doesn’t talk yet.

Well I suppose it's just something to bear in mind? Development might just occur that bit slower due to circumstances. It was a crazy time, and must have been very hard to have a young baby.

MumChp · 01/04/2024 16:51

Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 00:47

My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

@Bigbenbube

My two daughters never cried. They have no diagnosis.
My niece cried very little. She is ASD.

Don't worry about it.

MeinKraft · 01/04/2024 16:57

Saschka · 01/04/2024 10:53

I’ve never seen him cry without a good reason

Most babies don’t cry without good reason! Excluding colic etc.

Honestly, ignore your aunt - this is triggering your PPA again. Your baby cries, you attend to his needs, he stops crying. That is totally normal and what is meant to happen.

Yep. Baby sounds like he's doing well and mum is doing a great job. OP if your health visitor is happy with his progress then that is all you need to concern yourself with. I think it would be worth going back to the GP to tell them than your anxiety is increasing Flowers

KathieFerrars · 01/04/2024 21:31

My son screamed all day. He has autism. He is an adult now and fabulous. Son number2 was very quiet as a baby and I remember being worried because he was so different to son1. He too is now an adult and is fine.

So your aunt doesn't know beans. Your child is four months - that is tiny. He is obviously rather chilled - hurrah! Thank heavens for a chilled baby. Please don't be worried about a stupid comment from someone who really has no clue.

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