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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

162 replies

Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 00:47

My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

OP posts:
Mammma91 · 01/04/2024 07:49

Absolutely nonsense and take no notice of your auntie, baby is too young and she isn’t qualified. I have a 5 year old (diagnosed) autistic child, he was my Velcro baby/screamer/other arm and has been since he was a baby although much more relaxed now. There was absolutely no signs what’s so ever of neurodiversity until around 2. Enjoy your nice relaxed baby.

Zippedydoodahday · 01/04/2024 07:53

Or perhaps he's just really content and has a chilled personality? If it makes you feel better my son very rarely cried, partly I imagine because I breastfed responsively wherever and whenever and baby wore a lot, so he never really had anything to complain about. He is definitely not autistic.

mitogoshi · 01/04/2024 08:04

Absolute rubbish. Some cry less than others. My autistic dd didn't stop crying!!!

ssd · 01/04/2024 08:05

Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 01:03

My mum said I was a quiet baby. I sometimes think i must be autistic as I get way to emotional but the therapist said I was emotionally neglected. So…

Show quote history

Can you explain a bit more about what the therapist said?
I see myself in everything you've wrote.

Clutterbugsmum · 01/04/2024 08:06

As someone mention up thread could this be anxiety.

DD1 never cried is not autistic, but is dyslexic, dyspraxia and hyper mobile.

DD2 cried from the moment she was born, met all markers on time if not ahead. Is very clever. But now looking back she showed signs of autism and is clearly autistic and it's only been in the last year that it has come up as she struggled and had a mental health issue. But because she is 16 in the area I live it is nigh on impossible to get her officially diagnosed, as she to old for the child services as they only go up to 13 years, and CAHMS she will age out before she will be seen.

DS was so placid as a baby rarely cried is not autistic but does have hyper mobility which affects him more then his sister.

AngeloMysterioso · 01/04/2024 08:07

My mum thought her crim/psych degree that she’d done 20 years previously with no further study or work in the field made her an expert in diagnosing autism too 😂 just ignore her OP

PandyMoanyMum · 01/04/2024 08:09

Is it possible that you are so attentive to his needs and provide him with such good quality interaction that he has little reason to cry? Crying is communication and perhaps you pick up on his subtle signs before he needs to cry to tell you what he wants?

fishonabicycle · 01/04/2024 08:09

My son rarely cried, after about 3/4 months. He was very content and easy going. He slept loads and basically continues to to be much the same age 23. He is totally neurotypical, graduated with a 1st, and works for a great company in a design role. So not all non criers are autistic x

TheAlchemistElixa · 01/04/2024 08:10

Our baby hardly cried, and she’s not autistic at all. The longest she ever cried on her very worst day was about 7 or 8 minutes. Some babies are just very content, or have parents who are very attuned to smaller communications and can help them before they feel the need to cry, or they are blessed with good health and no issues that require them to cry.

please don’t worry about this (especially since there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it anyway!). Just enjoy your lovely content baby.

Tohaveandtohold · 01/04/2024 08:10

DC2 was a contented baby and we thought we won the lottery with her as she just doesn’t cry for most things, she smiled but a bit later and she was mostly just serious and focused on what she was doing be it playing with toys, etc she wasn’t bothered about needing a nappy change and there was a time she was learning to walk and hit her head really hard on the floor and she didn’t cry, just said oh oh. We had a routine of food and snack time and she just ate then and wasn’t bothered about anything else in between.
Not to alarm you but she was diagnosed with autism just before 4 but apart from her speech, language and social skills which are still developing slowly, she’s 5 and still very much a happy and content child and excelling academically in her own way. Things take longer to teach like potty training, etc as she wasn’t bothered with it but she was still trained before 3.

DanielGault · 01/04/2024 08:12

It's hard being a new mum. I was v isolated at that stage, kind of trapped in the apartment really. I would waffle on to my daughter about everything and nothing while I was cleaning up, rant on about the political issues of the day etc (the poor thing!). We'd watch a bit of TV, go out for the odd walk (but I was not great with that tbh), play with toys, listen to music. Anything and everything. I just kept talking to her, whatever I was doing, even if I was out of sight. It's really to early to be worrying about autism, just make sure baby feels safe, loved and cared for. That's all you can do.

x2boys · 01/04/2024 08:13

Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 01:10

Is it an indicator of ND?

would you mind if I asked questions?

Show quote history

No it's an indication he's a baby
My severely autistic child appeared no different to any other child until around 18 months/2 years of age ,
Posters on here make sweeping statements all the time about autism on here
In reality it's a huge spectrum and nobody can diagnosed a child based on a few comments on the Internet not even the mumsnet " experts "
Op ignore her your baby is four months old she's talking shit based on nothing
If you have concerns they will become more apprent as he starts to develop but right now he's just a small.baby .

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 01/04/2024 08:14

My dd didn't cry much either cos all her needs were met - 12 now and def not autistic!

Original poster
Bigbenbube · 01/04/2024 08:16

Thanks all.

it’s nice to read mums who have children with asd and still love them and they have happy lives.

OP posts:
chipshopElvis · 01/04/2024 08:17

Both of my babies cried an awful lot one of them is autistic. It doesn't sound like a useful comment to me. Enjoy your baby, ignore your aunt, that was a very stupid comment of her to make.

Sadza · 01/04/2024 08:20

I cried so little as a baby my mum took me to the doctor. The doctor told her to enjoy it and that I was fine. He was right.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/04/2024 08:23

One of mine was very content untill he started teething. Just enjoy your baby, no clinical would diagnose a four month old baby like that

debbs77 · 01/04/2024 08:23

Autism can't even be tested for until 31 months old, so there is no way of knowing. What an odd comment to make xx

Cycleaway · 01/04/2024 08:31

maybe the baby’s auntie hasn’t reached the psychology module where you don’t diagnose conditions in a throwaway comment. I think unless it builds a bigger picture that worries you ( and even then at 4 months I think it would be very difficult to do this) try not to worry and enjoy your chilled baby!

JPGR · 01/04/2024 08:32

Maybe you should ask his aunt to stop psycho analysing him. It’s none of her business.

ABwithAnItch · 01/04/2024 08:35

Omg my DD never cried. People
used to comment on it. If she did it was just a moment, once picked up or fed she was fine. She is not autistic.

Rosebel · 01/04/2024 08:36

My DD2 cried all the time (I actually meant all the time), and she's autistic. DD1 was very happy and chilled, hardly ever cried and she's not autistic. DS cried sometimes and is probably autistic (waiting for assessment).
So IME crying or not means nothing. At any rate 4 months is far too young to know and please don't use goggle. You'll only convince yourself.

whatsinanameeh · 01/04/2024 08:37

My son is autistic and he cried for the first 6 months like he hated the world. He passed the 1yr check with a written HV comment in his book that he's a "happy and sociable boy, laughing and seeking positive attention".

Clearly, you can't tell shit at 4 months, their brains aren't developed enough to display any of the traits.

Enjoy your baby. Don't let people spoil your journey with unsolicited and untrue opinions spouted as secure facts and knowledge.

Pumpy001 · 01/04/2024 08:46

Please don't let your aunts comments ruin this precious time with your baby. Its impossible to tell a child is asd until after 18 months and even then you still can't!

My dd never cried unless hungry or dirty nappy and was a great sleeper, great eye contact.

She has a couple of asd flags but I think these will clear up after time.

thatsnotacactus · 01/04/2024 08:46

My ASD and potentially ASD children were both content babies, but I was also very attentive to them. They have/may have what used to be called Aspergers to give you an indication of the level of need.

The first sign was probably that their language development was slow, but with the oldest (diagnosed at 8) it was within normal range. The other had SLT input but it wasn't until they were 6 that school referred them for ASD/ADHD assessment.