Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

[Bigbenbube]

My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

Mine cried relentlessly, was always unsettled and irritable when not held and has autism and multiple other diagnoses.

Developed fine until 2 when it became really apparent.

4m is too early to tell, some babies are just very settled.

Even if baby is autistic, don’t worry about it, there are challenges with every child and a health diagnosis will not diminish how wonderful your child is. Support is available and plenty of guidance.

Enjoy your baby.

Both of mine are autistic and we're velcro babies. crying constantly, unable to put them down.

yours sounds easy going, enjoy. not being a cry-baby is not a diagnostic criterium. unless you have other concerns, such sweeping statements are really irresponsible.

Your baby sounds lovely. It's great that you've mentioned looking for more baby groups as I think baby would enjoy the singing and the interaction with other parents and helpers would be reassuring for you. You sound very focused on doing things right but there are lots of ways to be a good parent. It's just we were never meant to be isolated from each other.

I’m not autistic at all.

My mum said I was a “very special baby” who never cried. When my 19 month old cries when I leave the room she always makes a point to say “you never did that!”.

Some babies have a calm, not easily rattled temperament. In isolation it means absolutely nothing.

There is some evidence about a link between the amount a baby cries and autism but it's not that straightforward - or well proven yet. Basically, babies who turn out to be autistic have been observed to be either really big cryers or really quiet and barely cried. But it's not just that they didn't cry much, they were also very passive, didn't really care about being held etc.
The saying about a little knowledge being a dangerous thing exists for a reason!
Also,fwiw, my eldest is autistic and he didn't fall into either camp, there were absolutely no signs at 4 months at all.

@Bigbenbube other indicators were lack of eye contact when feeding but now his eye contact is just typical 🤷‍♀️. Well, with me and husband, and some others. Honestly, he was the most fun loving beautiful baby and we’d hug for hours and hours on end - he was born two weeks before lockdown and we had him all to ourselves. It was blissful.
I noticed at about six to eight months something was up - when I took him on walks in the pram, he never looked at me, just trees and plants. We still joke he’s going to be a botanist. He would never look at friends if we met up to walk. Weaning was a nightmare - that was a difficult period!

She’s an idiot who hasn’t learned anything yet. No professional would say something like that based on ONE feature and at 4 months old. And so flippantly too.

Dont worry OP.

Just wondering, was there any mention of lockdown having an affect here. As in, not the usual amount of contact with lots of people that a child would normally have? It's just something I remember being mentioned at the time, so it could just be a delay due to circumstances rather than anything else. Sorry if I'm way off the mark.

OP, your child will either be autistic or they won't, looking out for signs won't change that. Most children don't get diagnosed until they are at school, 4 months is way too young - my DD was 8 but the diagnosis wasn't a surprise. As a baby she was pretty typical. Honestly, if and when that happens, just deal with it as it comes.

My NT son never cried. He was as happy as a pig in poo as long as he was fed and clean. My autistic son screamed constantly, not just crying but hysterical screaming round the clock. Nothing would pacify him.

Ignore your Aunt, there’s nothing more annoying than a psychology student. My DB told me that my then 4yo DD was a sociopath because she’d lied about pinching chocolate. I worried for years, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s a Dr now and we have a good chuckle about his crazy student diagnoses.

Honestly? I think you're just lucky to have an easy baby. Ours is similar - it's never crossed my mind that it could be a sign of autism. She's our fourth child and the easiest of the babies.

Please do not let your Aunt worry you and ruin the early part of your baby's life with worry. Put it this way, if he does have autism, you can't do anything about it. BUT... she's made a strange armchair diagnosis that bears no actual relation to reality. Some babies are just more chilled out than others. Enjoy it!

Do you think this is mainly your anxiety talking OP? I have health anxiety and what you're writing feels like a similar pattern. (Overestimating the chances of something going wrong, and then underestimating the chances of being able to cope with it.)

I'm glad you have already been getting some support, and hope you can continue to do that, as well as finding other parents to connect with too.

My mental health was pretty bad when mine were babies. I felt like I was losing the plot, didn't know what I was doing, thought I was doing everything wrong, felt really out of control... Other parents that I met at groups (and I dragged myself out to a group every day in the end!) kept me sane. Hearing different experiences and realising most of the things babies do that we worry about are some version of normal baby stuff!

Fwiw, I have one diagnosed ASD who screamed non stop from birth, and one suspected who was much less screamy, neither of them showed any signs at that age, that came much later. Both of them are wonderful humans, even as teens generally sweet and kind. And their quirky humour makes me laugh a lot!

this

My first didn't either really. I remember having a bath in the hospital just after she'd been born and she just lay in her little cot thing sucking her fingers. She's nearly ten now and NT, just really laid back. Never had tantrums as a toddler either.

My second was a different matter. Truly awful baby, and will still let rip when she gets it on her at almost seven. 😂 Also NT.

My autistic baby cried loads.

My son is five months, and didn't really cry until his teeth kicked in, unless I was absent.

He has super clear cues for hunger and tiredness, and he grunts like a pig when he poos, so I never have to wait for a cry to sort him out.

Well that's a load of bollocks.

My first cried now and then until she had colic and screamed blue murder, Second never stopped crying and the third rarely cried, he isn't autistic.

I had one DC who never cried - he is autistic. I also have one DC that screamed the fucking house down for 6 solid months day after day after day. Also autistic. I’m autistic and cried a normal amount and at appropriate times for my needs according to DM. Not sure babies crying is a great indicator tbh.

I had 2 very contented babies, neither cried without reason and both easily settled.
Now 15 and 14 and not autistic

Middle one is autistic, we joked that he would cry if his feet pointed the wrong way.

Both my autistic sons never stopped screaming as babies.

If this aunty knows your history and is feeding you this bollocks about a 4 month old baby then she's should be ashamed of herself as it's obviously causing you distress. She's doing a psychology degree, she's not a qualified paediatric psychiatrist so her input isn't needed. Enjoy the calm - allow yourself to be a bit smug that you have an easy baby for now and stop listening to your wholly unqualified and thoughtless aunty.

4 months is WAY to early to tell. There will be thing that’s could indicate but also not. It’s bigger picture. Not crying could. But it could also not. Crying excessively could not but it also could. It’s a disorder that affects endless aspects of communication and social skills and emotional regulation. There is absolutely no point speculating at this time.

Crazy. Take no notice. My autistic DS dcremed and cried as a baby, really unsettled.

You sound like you are doing great OP... but it must be hard on your own. You mentioned popping out to the children's centres, I would try to make this a priority. There will be support for you and your gorgeous baby.