Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

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My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

My brother is autistic and cried non stop for the first year of his life. Don't listen to this muppet who thinks she's an expert because she's doing a course.

My son was like this. I just leant to read when he was hungry so I would feed him or when he was tired so he would sleep. My best friend had a baby at the same time and could never read what he wanted, he would be hungry and she would be playing with toys while he was screaming for food. Then he would be windy from crying for an hour and she would try feeding him.

(neither of them were autistic)

My son has asd and he cried a fuck ton.

I worked with children and had specific experience of asd and how presents. I started to notice when he was around 9/10 months. He never babbled (common early sign) and his personality was either furious screaming or no expression. Very few laughs/smiles. Didn't really like to be held except when feeding and sleeping.

Even then although I began to think it I didn't do anything as he was far too young for it to be assessed. When he got to about 18m I involved SALT and hv and started the ball rolling. He saw paediatrician when he was 25 months and was referred to the pathway. He was diagnosed at 3.5 years. I would say that's the younger side of being diagnosed often it's school age and older.

I trained in therapy and my dsis in psychology. I found some people do become'experts' before they even complete their course. 4 months is far too young to know and I see little point in giving thought space to something that may not happen. .

Both of my kids are ND, one autistic and both cried PLENTY as babies!

Your relative was thoughtless to say that to you.

Gently, could this be your anxiety talking? From your original post it sounds like this was a passing comment on ASD rather than her telling you your child is ND - although insensitive. What was the context around the conversation? Sometimes our fears/worries/anxieties run away with us and when we have pre existing difficulties with MH it doesn't take much to read more into a sweeping comment than was intended. It can help to re focus on what was actually said so saying not crying in small babies can be a sign of ASD is different to someone saying have you considered ASD because they don't cry and that's a sign.

FWIW my 17yr has ASD and was definitely not a quiet child. Being a parent is hard and there's no one right way to do it. Most of us worry we're doing it wrong at some point. You are attentive to his needs and interact with him. You can wash the pots and talk to him you don't need to look at him 24/7. I used to pop mine in the bouncer on kitchen floor and sing along to music, would chat about what I was doing when cleaning and what was doing next - just generally the things I was thinking I would voice. It's all interaction.

If they are ND nothing you do or don't do will change that. If you're really worried talk to HV more from a point of having some relief from your own worries rather than it sounding like there's an issue. Try some parent and baby groups in your area, you'll meet lots of babies around the same age probably doing what your little one is doing

I'm sure you're doing just fine and your aunt sounds awful. I think her lecturers would be horrified by her amateur diagnosing. My son studied psychology but he never went round diagnosing people. He confined himself to trying some conditioning training on the cat.

My sons are both high functioning ASD. Neither of them cried much. My husband who is also ASD apparently screamed non-stop as a baby though according to my FIL who rembered it very vividly.

If your baby was on the spectrum and with a four month old baby who might not cry a lot that's an enormous leap, ASD is a spectrum with lots of people who are high functioning. My oldest is a fifth year medical student, has friends, a partner and can be very charming. My younger son is a university graduate too and really nice, hard working etc. My husband is a scientist and in some of the hard sciences you'd be hard pressed to find somebody neurotypical.

I found it a bit hard to bond with my first child too. I used to worry there was something wrong with me. It just came with time and I certainly wasn't there at four months. Lots of mothers don't fall in love with a baby at first sight despite what lots of people say.

I have four dc, two diagnosed and two on the pathway for diagnosis. I’m autistic too.

There’s a family history of ND for you, so it’s good to be aware… if your ds is autistic, he will be ok. He has you, and he’ll have support and understanding. But there’s no way of knowing at four months old. It’s hard when you’re anxious but please try not to stress. I cried when my first dc was diagnosed. But feel completely differently and positive about an autism diagnosis now.

My dc were all different as babies. One cried a lot, was incredibly clingy, never slept and never stopped feeding. Another was calm and only cried when they needed something. There’s nothing as a small baby that can indicate autism reliably.

DD rarely cried, very happy and contented baby - maternity leave was like a holiday! No SEND.

DS very unsettled baby, cried most of the time, didn’t sleep - diagnosed autistic at 5.

The auntie is talking crap.

I have never missed anything because of a crying baby! I have young children and as babies they only cried if hungry or if they needed a nappy change. They were easy to settle and very content, I could take them out and they would happily sit in the buggy or sleep. They don't have autism.

Honestly, I would limit my time around a family member or friend who made a comment like that. You are a new mother with a young baby and you shouldn't made to feel anxious over a non issue.

I read that too op. It did fit in my case, ds was so calm and happy as a baby compared to his older ds. However, in plenty of people it means nothing more than a personality trait.

With ds I feel like his developmental delays were probably the cause. He went through the terrible twos at nearly 4 for instance so in the beginning I don't think he knew how to advocate his needs.

I wouldn't worry though, even if he is autistic you can't change it so just try and enjoy him being so small.

DD2 was a brilliant baby in terms of crying. Was perfectly happy most of the time and just let us know if she needed something. She’s turning 3 the summer and hasn’t shown even the slightest sign of neurodiversity.

If autism could be routinely diagnosed in babies, there wouldn’t be so many toddlers/older children on the waiting list for assessment.

Take no notice of your sil. My ds is waiting to be assessed for autism and he was a crier at that age, it really is too young to tell.

Yanbu! Our baby (12 weeks) rarely cries and I’d be upset if someone said this to me. It’s so early on in their lives still it’s impossible to know.

OP, I really hope you've had lots of reassurance on here from experienced mums that your DS' perceived lack of crying means absolutely NOTHING - except that he's a contented baby!

As long as he's making eye contact and is generally responsive, you have nothing to worry about.

Two of mine hardly ever cried - they are not ND at all. The one who did cry quite a lot more is not ND either, just a more cranky personality!

For your own sake, I think you need to join lots of baby groups and get out and about socialising with other mums. Ask your health visitor about activities in your area like baby music groups, massage, whatever. It will help your anxiety. Start to have fun with him and it will all come naturally. Katie Price etc have nothing to do with you! FWIW, I have a DC at Oxford where loads are on the autism spectrum and no doubt on course to be highly successful in life. Nobody bats
an eyelid. They are who they are.

My son was that baby. Hardly cried and I had to wake him to feed him. I’d put him in his bouncy chair and he’d just watch or sleep. My mil ( a doctor) did express some concerns. However he’s just always been an absolutely chilled boy. We joke he’s so relaxed he’s horizontal. He’s an adult now with a masters degree, a lovely fiancé, many friends and a great career. Try not to worry and enjoy your baby.

Yes, that’s what they used to be called, good babies! I had a colicky, crying one OP. We both had an awful time.

How were those comments helpful?? A bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing and his aunt needs to keep quiet. Your baby is only four months old.

Have you spoken to NHS talking therapies? Or local services for young families? In my area it would be home start.

The problem isn’t with your parenting by the sounds of it or your baby. The problem is anxiety and reassurance seeking from mumsnet will open help temporarily.

Op maybe he will turn out to have ASC, more likely not. Put it aside for now and it will come out later if it needs to.

You're not rejecting him. You're doing a great job of making sure he gets what he needs. You also need to get what you need. I can't recommend highly enough finding some groups and looking out for some mum friends. Google your local area, go to the local children's centre if you have one, pop in to your local surgery and ask about groups. Look at your local community centre/ church / village hall.

Just to add, my youngest barely cried for the first couple of years - only when she was really needing something. We just thought she was a really chill baby. Definitely no autism but she's also definitely not a chill teenager!

My NT dd was a breeze, rarely cried and was very happy watching the world go by.

My dd with ASD cried all the fucking time. In the pram, in the car, lying down, propped up. She wasn't diagnosed until she was 13. In the extensive questions they asked, asking about crying as a baby wasn't one of them.

I don't want to be negative about ND people, they can have very happy lives and do a lot of worthwhile things.
But wtf to say that to a young mum of a nice contented baby?

You description sounds like my daughter who is now 22months. Everyone commented on how she rarely cried, how she slept lots and put herself to sleep despite a 3year old big brother running around the house. She was always happy to just lie there and listen to me chatting away, she didn't really smile and was quite a serious baby (especially compared to her brother)...

She's now 22months, very vocal, very quick to tell me what she wants, she isn't as smiley as her brother was but does smile. I have absolutely no concerns about her whatsoever. At 4 months babies show their personalities, maybe your little one is content and a little more serious like my one.

Two of mine never cried until they were three!! And both very intelligent and very sociable normal kids!!

The Aunt is an unreasonable so and so for planting unfounded amateur nonsense in the sleep deprived brain of a post partum mother. Babies are all different vibes, this does not signify anything and shame on her for talking rubbish like that!!

My 1st born cried when ever I put him down (reflux) and was diagnosed autistic at around 9. My 2nd super easy and chilled out baby was diagnosed with adhd around 6. Babies crying and not crying is no indicator at all of ND. I wouldn't worry.