Baby rarely cries and I was told he’s autistic

[Bigbenbube]

My baby rarely cries and is four months old. His auntie has just said that’s a sign of autism. She’s studying psychology at uni.

If baby does cry I can usually get it sorted (food, wind, cuddle).

Aibu in thinking that she’s unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

i have googled it and it appears to be true :/

What other indicators did you have? Although maybe no point because plenty of parents don’t see behaviours until later and even until they are adults

I need to contact the family centres for free groups and a change from what I’m doing

Some babies are more chilled out than others, might just be personality. I can definitely see after having 3 kids that they are themselves from early on. My anxious girl spent a lot of time crying and on me as a baby. My youngest is a lot more chilled out and was a lot quieter as a baby. All 3 are Autistic and all 3 were very different babies and are very different kids. It doesn't mean anything at this age. Having had a baby that barely slept and cried a ridiculous amount of the time Id say enjoy the quiet. LO will be a toddler and getting loud and into everything soon enough and you'll miss the quite when they dont stop talking all day. My quite baby became a 3 year old who NEVER shut up.

She’s got autism as well. Although I don’t see any behaviours etc. could be masking but I don’t know. She’s got loads of friends, just doesn’t cope with some aspects of life.

Then be specific and explicit and ask her not to comment on your baby. Say something like "I love you are learning lots of new things, but please don't pass comment on my baby".

I have what people call a “good” baby, which is horrible as babies aren’t good or bad. He’s easy to look after and likes to spend time with my parents.

My HV I think was being nice by saying “that’s all your doing” when I can see from this post it’s just how babies are born. I’m naturally a crier, I cry, all the bloody time. Baby boy is probably needing to be a bit more resilient lol

You do realise that there are thousands of Psychology undergrads don’t you? To lump them together in a sweeping statement is ridiculous.

Thanks for sharing

Yep I do. I was one myself many moons ago. The key point being that application and ethics should be taught before content. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and this post appears to be a clear illustration of that.

I think the HV was trying to explain that you are being responsive to your baby and that your baby is content and securely attached as a result. You are doing great, it's hard when they're very small as you don't get much back. Soon your baby will be starting to roll, to crawl, to sit up, won't be long till he's starting to pull up and try to walk and then before you know it he'll be talking.

The key point in your post for me is that you made a stupid sweeping statement.

Maybe you and your cohort were know it alls, maybe OPs aunt is, but don’t judge others by your standards.

No idea on why you are so hung up on this. Your baby is what they are, be that NT or ND. What does it matter either way, particularly at this point. I have two that rarely ever cried. One is ND and one is NT. However, they both have anxiety and the others don’t. But I don’t think rarely crying was any indicator of this, just coincidental. Stop trying to put them in some box at this age and overthink it all, just enjoy them.

Are you OK? You seem a little activated by a small part of a comment made by a stranger on the internet. Wishing you well.

I’m fine, but then I’m not the one making silly, ill thought out sweeping statements.

This op. Enjoy your baby

I wish I could give you a really big hug! I don’t normally feel like that but it seems you need it.

You seem so anxious and like you don’t have much help and support, it sounds like you need to give yourself a break.

There aren’t any rules to being a parent, there’s no specific way to interact and lots of ways to create a bond. You obviously care deeply or you wouldn’t be anxious or posting.

As awful as it is some parents give their babies the bare minimum of interaction and their children grow up fine. I think you need to put less pressure on yourself and do what feels natural, as long as you love and care for your baby it doesn’t make a difference if you are reading to them or trying to hold a conversation!

Ignore comments about autism, there is honestly no way of telling at this age. Me, my partner, my best friend and her 4 children are all neurodiverse and all of us were different as babies, it was obvious for some of us earlier than others but my DP has literally only just been diagnosed. His parents are autistic so had no idea his behaviour wasn’t “normal” as he has a lot of similar traits to them.

IF your child is autistic then you’ll cope, remember autism is a spectrum and often the label is more alarming than dealing with the diagnosis. Worrying about it is only going to make life harder until you might have to worry.
Don’t compare your baby to anyone else’s and try not to look for “signs” that might be completely misleading.

It sounds like you have a calm and happy baby so please try to focus on that, it sounds like you are getting help and support for anxiety which is good.

Anxiety is a bitch and you can’t just turn it on and off, I just hope you give yourself praise when it’s due. Being a parent is tough - especially when you are doing it alone, you have no idea what to expect or if you are doing it right or wrong. Please try to focus on the happy moments if you can and avoid people who give you unnecessary stress xxx

My DD was a chill baby, not much upset her from day one; DS was born screaming at the top of his lungs and continued to enjoy a good yell into his toddler years. 😂 Both are now NT teenagers.

She didn’t tell you that your baby has autism though did she? She said it’s a sign of autism.

It possibly can be, as can excessive crying, but it’s looking back when the child is older that you can possibly know whether it was for your child, with lots of other symptoms.

She was insensitive to say it but you’re in control of what you do with the information. I’d just ignore it.

Psychology student here, (finale year) yes it can be but so can constant a cry. Normally it's a load of symptoms together. She's completely wrong to of said that to you. Also if she's not a specialist then she can't really say..... she would have to do proper observation etc. kinda hard on a 4 months old!! sounds like you just have a good baby. Enjoy!!!

OP, I mean this gently but it sounds like your anxiety is what needs some more attention, not his auntie and her comment. Now that you are a parent, you will find that you constantly have to bat away comments and opinions from others about your child and about how you ‘should’ parent. People will have things to say about how you wean them, how best to toilet train them, how to manage their behaviour when they’re older etc etc. Most of the time people are well meaning and think that they are being helpful, especially if they have had children themselves. I get that the comment in question is about something that already worries you, but if you hang onto every comment and worry about it this much then you are really going to struggle mentally.

It sounds like you are a great mum, the fact that you are thinking about how best to interact with your child and are wanting reassurance that you are doing enough to help them develop shows this. Don’t worry about the unsolicited comments from unqualified people. Instead just enjoy your baby and trust your own instincts about how best to care for them. You know your baby best and if in the future you feel that you are seeing any signs of them being ND then you can ask for support from the proper channels.

*Edited as realised it’s his aunty, not yours, who made the comment.

"Studying psychology at uni".

Lol. She's an idiot.

3 children in our house.

DS1 and DD cried A LOT. Both are autistic.
DS2 didn't cry at all. At his six week check, the worry was that he was deaf and he had heaps of tests. He is neither deaf nor autistic. Just a very placid / quiet baby who is a very neurotypical and easy going, if somewhat phlegmatic adult.

Your Auntie is talking bollocks.

DB and I are both autistic. Apparently I cried all day and he cried all night.

I'm in a similar position with an infrequent crier here. I'm also a worrier and put a lot of pressure on myself to be constantly cuddling/playing/singing/reading because I wanted to do everything right.

I'd agree with PP to look for local mum and baby groups. We go to a couple a week and it really helps to get a bit of interaction with other adults, and get some reassurance that what you're doing is ok (I was reassured when I was told that you can overstimulate a baby and some down time is good for them too - they're not going to lose their bond with you if you pop them on a playmate while you have a cup of tea and a minute to yourself etc.), and to see how other people interact with their babies.

It's a sign, not the sign. There's a reason the diagnostic criteria includes multiple symptoms.