DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

If she didn't even draw blood- that wasn't a proper bite!
Poor little thing was just trying to be free of someone whose scent she didn't
know.

That boy sounds downright cruel.
He should have placed the hamster on the floor if he was afraid of her, or on a soft surface.

From your OP I was imagining a bloodied finger- even then, that's zero excuse for a child of eleven flinging a tiny animal so hard she died of the impact.

Ours did.

She was from a rescue, and yes, she latched on like a vice, the wee bastard. I resorted to gardening gloves when dealing with her or the habitat.

She went from being called Lucy to being called Vampira (DH thinks he’s funny)

Bloody hell fire, that kid would come no where near my house or my child again.

A knee jerk reaction to getting nipped by a hamster would be to drop it, not flung it the other side of a room.

Hope you and your ds are ok op. Sending love.

No wonder we are fucked. Humans are no better than other species. Vile behaviour

It's obviously not great that he threw the hamster, but when hurt people do react strongly in shock sometimes....

So when the hamster landed, what was said? Did the mom speak to her son, tell him off for throwing the hamster? Did your son challenge his friend at the time? Did the friend continue to curse and swear at the hamster?

And do we know for sure that the friend: a) knows hamster is dead (his mom may have chosen not to tell him)
B) is not remorseful about death of said hamster.

The mom probably thought she was doing the right thing in offering to pay for a new one. She is probably panicking, wondering what you might say to other parents or the school, etc. But what can she do really? Offer to have her son publically flogged?

I just think it's a horrible situation for everybody. You can force your son to pursue this friendship, even if you wanted to. All you can do is to urge him to look at friend's character and actions in totality.

And you in no sense are to blame. The children are nearly secondary school age - I remember playing with friends' hamsters and other pets totally unsupervised from probably about 8 years old onwards. Maybe that was too lax, but certainly 11 is fine!

Not everything is somebody's fault. I strongly suspect the boy didn't mean this to happen. Let's hope he is remorseful (if he knows about it at all).

As if ''replacing'' makes it all alright.

The mother should have absolutely told her child in no uncertain terms that what he did was completely unacceptable, irresponsible and cruel.

I agree that this child has some red flags going on and if DS doesn’t want him around anymore that’s his prerogative.
In terms of the mother offering to replace the hamster, whilst I can understand that DS feels no other hamster will be the same, I wouldn’t think much of the mother if she hadn’t offered!
I write as an experienced hamster keeper (always Syrians) and I would urge owners to
make sure no one points a finger at the hamster - being very shortsighted they will instinctively try and “taste” it! (I’m not saying this is necessarily what happened in this case and certainly not victim-blaming but just giving a little advice to those who may not be aware of this).

I’ve had hamsters for years. You were not at fault OP and your DS is right to distance himself from the ‘friend’.

1. A NT 11 year old should be able to hold a small animal sensibly.

2. His mum was there. If she thought he couldn’t cope then she shouldn’t have allowed him to hold the pet.

3. No one throws a pet that bites them, at least no one of sound mind. Unless the teeth were locked on, which you have confirmed they weren’t, the normal and rational, instinctive thing to do would have been to drop the hamster.

The child needs help. I would report to the police.

I pointed it out because there would be no question if he’d thrown her against a wall!!

What were you expecting the thread to be about when you read the title?

It reminds me of that scene in The Last Emperor 😵

I think cutting this child out of your lives is a very good idea.

An 11 year old throwing an animal across the room and not showing any concern is not normal. My DS accidentally hit our cat with a toy this morning and immediately appologised to the cat and gave her a hug, he's 2.

At 12 I was bit by a rat and required surgery. I carefully placed the rat back in its cage before seeking help.

Lashing out dangerously towards animals and other children is not normal behaviour at all. I would be very clear about why you don't want this child near your kid anymore.

The child needs help. I would report to the police

And I'm sure they'll assign a task force. 😂

'Only 11'. Old enough to understand what killing something should mean and to show huge remorse and upset for doing so. That this kid didn't suggests he has some real problems.

I’ve been nipped by hamsters. A lot. I don’t think it’s a normal shock reaction to a slight nip.

I think 11 is too react in this way and especially alarming to show no remorse. I’d support DS decision to distance himself.

I misread this too. What a vile kid and with NO conscience. Extremly worrying. Your Son is right.

I think my 11 year old would be absolutely distraught to have caused the death of someone's pet. I can't believe this kid was unbothered! Definitely a good idea to steer clear of him and his mother for that matter.

The more you've said, the more I think that your DS' reaction was the right one and you should probably follow his lead here.

11 is not that young. Plenty old enough to know flinging a hamster across the room would seriously hurt it. Your son's feelings are valid - he doesn't like this boy anymore and rightly so.
My son's guinea pig bit his finger accidently when my son was very young, under 6. He cried and he did scream but he did not harm the guinea pig. So sorry about the hamster.

I'm sorry but that's crossing a line and your child has every right to not want to be friends with someone who KILLED HIS PET.

Stand by your son and support his choice. This is his boundary and it'll teach him that your on his side.

Was it a case of the friend recoiled and the hamster clung on causing it to fly? Or intentionally flinging it. I did it myself to my little hamster when I was about 13. He bit me, I pulled my hand away, my little 21g hamster flew across the room. Thankfully unharmed but I was distraught.

I think his reaction afterwards tells a lot but some children may be shocked they don’t know how to react

Was the title not enough of a trigger warning for you? This whole trigger warning nonsense is becoming ridiculous now.

As others have said, I wouldn't want a child like this in my home.

I have a year 6 son.
I can’t get over the idea of him or one of his friends flinging a hamster across the room tbh. I can see how he might drop it if he had a nasty painful shock.

RIP Hamster what a horrible thing to happen. I think you need to let the dust settle. I’d encourage ds to forgive if the friend was genuinely remorseful but it doesn’t sound like he was?