DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

Keep your child and pets safe - stay well away from this boy. Trust your son's and your own gut instinct. The hamster wasn't hanging onto his finger for dear life this kid consciously threw a tiny animal as that was his response to being nipped. I'm sure we all know how this kid will develop if he doesn't get help soon...

I agree.

I've been bitten by hamsters (twice, as child, one was mine and one was a friends) and each time I sort of pulled my hand up and away and the hamster dropped easily on to my leg. No harm done.

His actions sound aggressive and 11 years old is well old enough to understand the consequences of his actions.

Cruelty to animals is concerning behaviour in children. He is 11 and killed a hamster. -His reaction to being nipped was gross in the extreme. Your son should be wary of him and its fully understandable if he doesn't want to maintain the friendship

Throwing small living creatures against walls is barbaric and sociopathic.
He could do that to a person next.
An 11 year old has criminal responsibility and he could get in trouble with the police.
Also his mum could be fined by the RSPCA.
He 100% should be barred from your home.
If I was his mum I'd be taking him to a psychiatrist. In fact I'd report the family to the RSPCA is they have pets in their home. It's definitely in indicator of potential abuse.

He didn’t throw her against the wall. He flung her across the living room and she landed on her back on the carpet.

You should be proud of your son, his reaction is the right one. I hope you told the parents of the friend what happened, that child's behaviour is concerning.

It seems quite obvious from the boy’s action and the mum’s response that they are they type of people who really don’t care about animals. Some soulless people don’t, as much as we struggle to understand it.

I would absolutely support your son in distancing himself from the ‘friend’, and if it causes a problem at school for whatever reason then I would have no issues with telling them why they’re not friends anymore.

I hope your son is doing OK, and please don’t blame yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, I have felt guilty over the death of a pet before and it’s a horrible feeling, but this really wasn’t your fault.

Well done your son for being a good judge of character. The friend sounds like a psychopath and his mum sounds heartless. You should back your son completely OP.

I thought the same, then saw they were 11... read its year 6. I had an opinion qhen I thought the kid was 6, but an 11 year old for sure knows better!!!

11 is not a baby. 11 is plenty old enough to understand you don't throw animals at walls.
A normal person who did that in a moment of madness, split second reaction, would be really upset and remorseful. They'd feel guilty. They'd be really apologetic. They'd feel sorry for the animal they'd hurt.

The fact this 11 year old felt nothing is a red flag and you should 100% support your son ending the friendship and be there ready to step in when this boy turns on him for standing up to his animal cruelty.

I could understand a child pulling their hand away fast, leaving the hamster unsupported so they fell to the floor or whatever the child was sitting on.

This does not sound like that at all, he stood up, then flung the hamster across the room. Thats not a shock response, thats an angry response, from someone who does not care if the animal gets hurt.

Absolutely would never speak to this person again, in your sons shoes, no fucking way!

Hamster bites do hurt, I was bitten by mine but at 11 I think flinging it away is a bit drastic and at that age they should absolutely have some remorse.

I hope your son is OK, I would be devastated if it were my hamster so I think you need to take his lead on this. If he wants to cur the friendship or just let it drift then that's up to him.

I don't know if it's clear, did the other mum apologise? People see hamsters as disposable so her offer to get a new one wouldn't surprise me and I wouldn't judge as long as she showed some horror at the situation.

Meant to say a more normal reaction to being nipped by a hamster is to flinch and maybe accidentally drop them if you're very young then scramble to catch them before they hit the floor and feel so guilty you feed them lots of treats. (I had hamsters, mice, rats etc as pets as a kid)

Me neither, had one nippy hamster, friend has had dozens. Never heard of a hamster 'latching on' once.

Op listen to your DS. This kid is bad news, especially not showing any remorse after it happened. I wouldn't have him in my home again and might even let the school know quietly.

Hamsters are lovely little bumbling creatures, this is so sad for your DS.

Our last one did- dwarf Russian rather than Syrian if that makes a difference as heard they are more nippy. We just wore gloves to pick it up. Also possibly relevant that we got it at the rescue centre so was probably not socialised early enough.

The title is your tw

QQ - how do people want the mother to react? Presumably she's just this kid's mum, she isn't OP's friend particularly.

I think you should be able to trust a 10/11 year old to not throw an animal. Drop, maybe, but not throw. It's not your fault @HamsterAccident.

I wouldn't want a child like this to be friends with mine either. I wouldn't be encouraging a friendship; I think you need to allow your son to make a decision whether he can forgive and/or forget. He is old enough to do so.

I think you should support your son. An 11 yo should know better than to throw a hamster across the room because it nipped him. Sounds unhinged.

Was the mum shocked that he threw it or just passive about it?

From what you've posted, it sounds like the boy was sitting with the hamster, it bit him so he got angry, stood up and threw it to the floor.

What happened then?

at 11 I’d be more upset then now as an adult. Having no care for an animal’s life is really not a good sign.

OMG the kid is 11 - I wouldn't want my child anywhere near them again. I would also be telling their parents and the school.

Agree with everyone saying support your son's choice.
I could understand a child perhaps flinching their hand away but to actually hurl a tiny creature across the room is appalling.

The title is clear enough.

Same here.

"He didn’t throw her against the wall. He flung her across the living room and she landed on her back on the carpet"

You point that out like it's so much better!

I think this is important - when hamsters actually bite in fear/anger, the bite is very narrow but deep, and bleeds freely. If in a sensitive area like the fingertip, this hurts a lot! Several posters are reacting from their own childhood experiences of this type of bite.

However, hamsters do also sometimes put their mouths onto things to see what they are - which can feel like a hard pinch but wouldn't break the skin - if they are exploring and considering digging their way through an obstacle (like a hand encircling it). If the boy wasn't cut, then the hamster did not "bite" him, it may have pinched his finger and surprised him/made him fear he was in danger/triggered a disgust response but he wouldn't have been "in pain" to the extent that he needed to throw, and the hamster physically could not have been "latched on" as it hadn't pierced the finger.