DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

I did the same as a kid. My hamster bit me and I reacted by I stuck shaking my hand to get her off. Poor thing also flew across the room but was absolutely fine by some miracle. I wasn’t a horrible and cruel child and did love my pets but this was more of a reflex reaction. Kids should always by supervised l.

Is colonising the internet if I was you. And TV. And books.

or grow up.

Child is a sociopath. I would definitely cut him out. Poor hamster and your poor DS.

Hi OP,

How is your son now?

As other people have said don't blame yourself.

I get that the friend may have been shocked and he certainly did overreact but even if you allow for dramatics, his not being remorseful or worried over the hamster is alarming.

I went to school with a guy who used to kill cats/kittens when we were in year 6 (he killed my neighbours.) He's in prison now for beating and stalking numerous ex DPs.

Also, I was bitten by a rabbit in year 6, hurt like hell but I didn't throw it across the room.

That is horrifying. I think it`s good that your DS wants to cut this friend out of his life.

Encourage him to listen to his feelings and set his own boundaries.

Maybe he did not mean to kill her. And yes, it is possible that he simply overreacted. But I would expect him to be genuinely sorry about it in that case! And the mother as well, tbh.

I just feel so awful that she’s dead and that DS is upset and I don’t think it would be good for him to believe his friend meant to hurt her.

It is good for your DS to learn that he should not accept this kind of behaviour from friends or family. It is good for him to learn that he has the right to set boundaries.
That he should not just ignore the pain people cause him or make excuses for them.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Maybe it`s time to have that talk with your DS.

Oh that's interesting.

Similar with earwig and cat with me.

I think the people trying to diagnose an 11 year old as a sociopath over the internet need to calm the hell down.

He didn't take the hamster with the intention of torturing it to death, he reacted badly (and probably instinctively) to a bite.

His reaction to the incident was bad, but the hamster wasn't dead yet and he might have been acting defensive due to shock over his actions/trying to avoid blame.

Hamsters are fragile animals and get injured and killed from being dropped/trodden on all the time, they are not as robust as cats and dogs etc.

I would support DC in discontinuing the friendship and feel sad for him and the hamster, but I wouldn't go round saying the boy is "bad".

It's not natural to most people. Not to me and I've had all kinds of animals.

@BreatheAndFocus

I also wonder if the hamster did actually nip him at all. There was no blood and not even a mark.

That's a very good point. All these people carrying on like he's some poor innocent who's been bitten to the bone, when OP states very clearly there wasn't even a mark, let alone broken skin. Given this kid is already aggressive to his sibling, and his horrible comment, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was deliberate. He sounds horrible, and OP should back her son all the way in having no more to do with him.

How does a tiny animal's nip that didn't even break skin possibly justify him killing her, and you calling her a vicious little fucker?

How closely supervised?
The OP and the boy's mum were both in the room and saw him (at least the OP did) stand up and throw the hamster..

Where would you draw the line on lack of remorse?
What if the vicious little fucker was a baby or toddler?

So just to clarify - tiny vulnerable animal reacts and possibly nips an 11 year old child - who I’m presuming doesn’t have severe and complex learning difficulties so knows that hurting (let alone killing) is wrong. No broken skin but possibly a slight shock. And in your world that justifies setting this tiny individual through the air to the floor causing injury and death in quick order. Oh, as well as calling it a fucker in front of the boy who loves it. No ‘sorry.’
Are you an animal owner or parent yourself? 😬
Because you must know how that sounds, right? Or simply trolling?

The state of some of the parents on here defending what this vile boy did. Blaming an innocent animal. What an embarrassment to parenting you lot are 😮

I am sort of hoping some of these people aren't parents (and don't have pets).

I hope you aren’t a parent what a state of a human you are

It would explain where kids like this one get their ideas about behaviour from!

@ageratum1 I’ll be honest and say rarely has anything annoyed me on the internet like your “vicious little fucker” comment. Before that day she had bitten once, in fear. On the day she died she nipped the boy, again probably out of fear and didn’t even draw blood.

We handled her every single day and she never bit or nipped. She was a sweet, affectionate little thing. Yes, she was a hamster, but I think the punishment for her terrible offence is probably the fact she’s dead. I don’t feel she needs to be made out as some evil creature who spent her time finding innocent children to gnaw on.

Well said, OP. There are some real animal-hating bridge dwellers on this thread.

Well in that case presumably he won't mind if he never has friends with pets.

Was the child used to animals?
Do they have animals at home?
If not, I think this was a typical 'shock' reaction to being unexpectedly nipped.

I am very sorry for the little hamster and your son's loss, but I think those describing the bitten child as a sociopath are way out of line.

I would try and maintain the friendship if it was all going well otherwise. I wouldn't base a character assessment on this one incident. As a pp said, the same thing happened to her vet!

It seems a bit weird that posters feel they can diagnose or characterise the boy’s and the hamster’s actions so definitively. If I was the (hamster) mum I’d try to talk to the other boy’s mum and explain about the upset and say unfortunately he thinks the hamster flinger doesn’t realise the impact the death has had in terms of how upset the boy is. That could give the flinger the opportunity to express remorse in a more appropriate way.
Just as boundaries might seem important, so too is the possibility of remorse, redemption and getting over it. Doesn’t mean the two boys need to be forced into a friendship but why not give the flinger the opportunity to at least reflect on the impact on the other boy?
And don’t let strangers handle small animals - the OP isn’t wholly blameless on that count.

Ignore the dickheads op they are just trying to get a rise out of people