DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

But that's not the impression the OP has given.

He was sitting down when the hamster nipped him, beside the OP, with his mother in the room. He could have shaken it off still seated, but he got up, flung it across the room and shouted "the fucking thing bit me". I find it hard to see this as anything but cruelty!

It’s not like this child got the hamster out of the cage and killed it for no reason. If it hadn’t bit him he wouldn’t have reacted how he did and accidentally killed it . Not showing remorse could be because he’s shocked or still processing things he may feel awful but not be showing it

Read through all of the OP's posts.

On top of which the OP mentioned in her first post that this kid is aggressive to his sibling.

I've been bitten by animals and small animals as a child before. I've also seen friends of mine as children get bitten before.
My immediate reaction was always to retract my hand, not fling away from me.
Friends immediate reactions were similar to mine.

I'm sorry, but anger, "flinging", or extending of an arm in any way (which would result in a push, shove - if a larger animal, or fling/throw if smaller) is a very bizarre immediate response imho.
Jumping straight to anger isn't a normal response.
Even more so if you're someone who likes animals.
Especially at the age of 11.

In the circumstance that the child is not someone who likes animals, I'd wonder why the hell the kid wanted to hold the hamster in the first place.

I bet you're fun at parties.

No it doesn't.

I know OP has covered this, but where I'm from sixth year is 17 and 18 year olds, and in the part of the UK I live now we don't have any classes labelled year six. Using classes rather than ages isn't particularly helpful, although I know OP has explained why she did so in this case.

Rubbish.

What does reading the OP's posts have to do with being fun at parties?

That is plenty old enough to show some remorse, and to know that you don't treat a living creature like that.

Your son has the right idea, and I would never have that child in my home again. Your son will find nicer friends to replace that one (I won't write what I was going to call him!).

Certainly it does. A pain reaction will often be to extend your arm rapidly in response which would fling a small object. I think we must wait for OP to clarify this point.

Read them again then.

The OP already has. You are choosing to ignore and put your own spin on things.

This is a horrible situation for all concerned. So sorry op 💐

Why should people "calm down". Thank goodness I don't know people like you in real life. This horrible boy killed someone else's beloved pet and showed no remorse - does that mean nothing to you? My dog once bit me on the ear, and it hurt like hell. Not for one minute did I think of throwing him anywhere.

I dread to think what your kids will be like.

This

Quite frankly I’m shocked that you have not mentioned any distress about the shocking death the poor hamster suffered, and are more worried about your sons friendship.
It’s appalling that an eleven year old would do such a thing.
Horrifying on so many levels. You should be reported to the RSPCA @HamsterAccident

I thought that.

As an aside, speaking to my DH about this thread and asking his opinion - He mentioned that at around the same age 10-11, he had a friend who'd killed a bird with a slingshot during a play date.

He immediately didn't like it, knew that this was wrong and recalled telling his mum about it as soon as he got home and asking her if they could stop being friends with this boy (As DH's mum and the friends mum would hang out regularly).

Needless to say, they stopped being friends and DH is fairly sure that boy grew up to be... Well... Not very nice let's just put it that way.

I say this to try and further hammer home the point, that at this age - They should definitely know better and to take it as a warning sign if they don't!

I feel like being more lenient/forgiving runs the risk of perpetuating the whole "Boys will be boys" narrative that it's normal to respond with anger.
It is not.

If your son's friend was terrified having been bitten by the hamster then why vilify him for his reaction, 🤷‍♀️

He wasn't terrified, he was angry. "Fucking thing bit me." He is known to be aggressive to his sibling. He has shown no pity or remorse for the hamster.

He sounds like a budding psychopath.

poor hamster.

@SpicyMoth I totally agree. I knew kids at 11 that I knew were nasty pieces of work and avoided them.

Hamster should be in the Wild 😆

A hamster bite hurts a bit but not to the extent you lose control of all rationality and sense.

An 11 year old can fully understand throwing a small animal on the floor will kill or seriously injure it.